When did you know one was the right decision?

[dazedandblue]

I always envisioned having 2 kids.
We had DS (now 5) and DH was umming and aahing on having another.
I kept asking him for years to discuss and decide if we would have another, he was open to it but happy to kick the can down the road with the decision. Effectively making the decision by doing so, or so I feel. (Kids are of course a joint decision and both parents need to be on board! )

DS is now 5 and has never asked for a sibling (not that it would ever be his decision but the thought hasn’t even crossed his mind), I’m in my late 30s and the further I get from the baby stage, the less I want to go back to it.

It means I can afford nicer things for DS, holidays, help with any university fees and house deposits and give him a good start in life. I would be able to invite a friend on holiday with us and overall hopefully give him a wonderful life.

As time ticks on, I wonder if one was just meant to be and is the right decision for us.

Sometimes I still wonder about a second but life is good right now.

When or how did you know one was the right decision for you?

The minute my son was born i knew I wouldn't ever do it again.

I wasn't sure if you said this purely from an innate knowing or if something happened which was part of the decision, and I didn't want to say anything out turn without the knowledge.
However, have you found this was an easy decision?

Same boat as you - DD was born in 2017 so a sibling would have come along during the covid years, but I was made redundant and then needed to be in a new job for a period before any mat pay would have been paid. By that time DD was at a lovely age and we were enjoying being out of the baby stage (although we did love that time, it’s just different) we ultimately stuck with one. I will always wonder, but for us - we can offer 1 so much more time and finances as needed so it now feels it was the right decision

we Never planned to have more than 1, just said we’d see how it went. I was so sure I didn’t want another in the early weeks after my daughter was born! Shes 16 months now and no plans to try for another

I was so traumatised by the birth I knew I’d never do it again.

I have one, nearly 8yo

Before having DC I always assumed I’d have 2. But as soon as DC born, I just kind of knew I wouldn’t have another. I had a sicky pregnancy but nothing horrific - I felt crap for months.

Occasionally I do feel bad for DC, because of course there’s pros and cons to everything.

Overall we are content, and can do things like private school which I never planned but I’m really glad about as I’m really not sure DC would cope well at a less nurturing school.

We try hard not to spoil DC with material things but it’s nice to be able to devote family time to her hobby for example

For us it was age as it was second time round for both of us in terms of long term relationships. I think if I’d been even 5 years younger I’d have wanted 2 but at the ages we were we agreed to try for/have 1 and there was never any movement on that for either of us. I adore DS with every fibre of my being but the thought of pregnancy and newborn sleep deprivation again makes me feel physically sick I just don’t think I could do it all again.

I would have loved to have another child but age was against me.

I always thought I would have 2DC. When pregnant my DH floated the idea of being "one and done" and I remember feeling gutted, but genuinely the minute DD was born all thoughts of a second evaporated and I just knew it was right for us.

Pregnancy and the birth was pretty uneventful, so my change in mind was not a result of any trauma or anything like that.

Since Dd was born (she's 6 now) we periodically check in to make sure we're all still on the same page (we are) and when I do the "dining table test" and imagine what dinner time looks like in 10 years there is only ever me, DH and DD sat at the table so I'm 100% confident in the decision.

I was just dazed from the awful pregnancy and awful birth. When I'd spoken to friends about why they had babies, they said it was all worth it once you held your baby, but I didn't feel that. It took me weeks to bind with him.

I was utterly miserable the whole time, I hated my life, and when he was 10 weeks I went on antidepressants for 7 years.

I couldn't understand show other mums could cope, it really made me feel like a lesser woman. I felt totally inadequate that I just could not do this when my friends were doing better than me, and then they started having second kids because they were able to handle it.

I love him more than anything and would throw myself under a bus for him. But I would never have another. It took me years to come to terms with not being that person

We didn’t start TTC till we were 35 and then it turned out I had PCOS so it took a while and some clomid … then dd wasn’t a good sleeper etc so by the time we were through that realistically it was fairly unlikely that we’d be able to have another. And we were happy with one. I knew for sure any bloodiness had gone forever when she was in reception and one mum had a new baby while another was carrying a little puppy … I was definitely in the group cooing over the latter.

DD is grown up now, she’s always had lots of friends including some close ones, we have a very good relationship - no regrets at all.

Op, somewhere along the lines of you and a PP. I was made redundant 2 years ago and that would have been the year I got pregnant. But we stopped trying till I was able to get a job. The job hunting was shit and we were trying again (and I would be a SAHM) only for me to get a job after 18 months of being unemployed. So now I’m waiting for me being settled in and would try again after summer. My DC asks about getting a baby brother or sister soon so I said once maybe by the time you are 7. So in a family meeting with all extended family DC announced that a baby is coming when they are 7. 😭