How to get over only have one baby?

[MamaJaybird]

My ex isn't involved due to abuse (I left when I was 3 months pregnant) and I am raising my son alone. My son is currently 8 months old.

Depression hit me hard at the beginning, but we have settled into a good routine and my son is meeting all his milestones. I have some bad days, but I try to not let it get to me.

I have had several people say he's a credit to me, I'm doing a good job and things like that.

I have had a few people I know and strangers ask me if I would have another baby because it would be better for my son to have someone to play with and to talk to.

I always said I only wanted one due to how everyone in my family hates their sibling(s) and the idea of having more than one always made me feel uncomfortable. The relationship with my ex has sworn me off being in another ever again. I don't want to be in that position again and I don't want my son exposed to that either. My family are not involved with my son because of their behaviours.

I keep feeling guilty about him not having a sibling and only having me. I haven't made any mum friends (we attend different baby groups) and go to certain activities with other babies and their parents. Even so he is around other children at these things, he's too young to make friends with them, so he is mainly with me, which I feel bad and guilty about.

Most of my friends have siblings so I can't get their opinions on being an only child.

I look at him and think how much I love him and i want another baby like him. I know every baby is different and have different personalities, so having another baby like my son isn't likely.

I don't know how to get rid of these feelings of him being an only child.

There is no guarantee that any two siblings will get on or be friends. Most babies of 8 months are mainly with their mother. Just enjoy your baby. If he remains an only one then encourage friendships at school

It'll be ok. Don't worry. Make sure he has opportunities to make friends. Does he have any cousins? Enrol him in Beavers/Cubs when he gets a bit older, so he has another tribe. This helps as an alternative to school.
I too felt like you did when my son was younger. Now he's had a much better childhood than I did in many ways, as I can afford more.

..."I keep feeling guilty about him not having a sibling and only having me. I haven't made any mum friends (we attend different baby groups) and go to certain activities with other babies and their parents. Even so he is around other children at these things, he's too young to make friends with them, so he is mainly with me, which I feel bad and guilty about."
This bit was just like me. The fretting is part of being a Mother anyway but with this added anxiety on top. Just keep trying, going to groups, talking to him, he's too young to make friends properly yet, he wants to be mainly with you anyway! You are his world for now. That's a privilege and is ok. Don't feel bad or guilty.
One day you'll wake up and you'll realise you are having too much fun together and are too busy to worry about it so much!

It's your life and you can only do what you feel is right, not what anyone else says.

There are lots of things people can make you feel guilty about - I live in the city and my family live further out and used to constantly tell me my son was missing out on a big house with a garden. But I'm a solo parent and there are so many more groups and things to do in the city, there's a great network of other families and single parents and community centres and playgroups. Yes we have less space and people judge but it's a lot better for us.

I just use that example to illustrate that someone else's ideal isn't always your ideal, and you need to think about whether you would rather follow what's right for you or what someone else says.

My children fight like cat and dogs so you have no idea how much harder it is to have to be constantly on top of that!! I’m sure once they grow up they will stop but I can’t leave them in a room together for a minute without something happening and someone ends up crying! They both get into trouble as you never get a straight answer it’s always x did y and then x says no t did z 🤷‍♀️ all this ridiculous idea about your child having someone to play with and a best friend for life is just a fantasy off the tv 😂 when you have one child you can give them all your attention, all your love and also when they need extras for school or university etc you can help them out more then. When you have more than 1 then the £ is divided more and so is your attention. My 3rd child came with a lot of medical issues and I feel so bad that my eldest child who had been my little shadow had to deal with his mums attention elsewhere and much as I tried to make time for just us sometimes it was a rarity as their dad was always working so i was like a single parent most of the time as when he was there he also refused to parent!

appreciate what you have and do your very best for them - they are only little so you have years to figure all that anyway!

We have one through choice, he’s nearly 10 years now. I remember about 8 months people asking me about a sibling a lot, it lessened and almost no one asked once he hit about 3 and never get it now.

Our circumstances are different but there are some huge advantages for having one. More time, energy, money, more of chance of childcare to have time to yourself whether paid for or via friends/family.

Hes so easy now, while my friends and acquaintances are still dealing with toddlers or young children and our world has opened up with one easy going, cooperative child.

Everyone is different but I think I would be a worse mum to more than one, I love being able to give him all my time, focus and energy and give him the best version of myself. I do sometimes wonder, what if, regards not having another but it’s short lived as we love our life as a family of three.

You’re still in the baby trenches where babies are all consuming, as he gets older it either is easier to accept or you realise you couldn’t imagine going back.

Agree re beavers/cubs, my son has done it since starting beavers aged 6 and it’s fab. Babies don’t have friends, any are for you if you want them.

Be kind to yourself.