I had a very unexpected pregnancy in the summer at the age of 44. It lasted just long enough for me to get over the shock and start getting excited, then I miscarried. I had really mixed feeling about it, I would have worried about disabilities because of my age but that was outweighed by the idea of having another and giving dd a sibling.
The thing is that it had exactly the same due date and it's two weeks away. I keep having flashbacks to my first pregnancy, starting to really nest about now and having a Christmas baby. I had bad antenatal anxiety first time round and I couldn't wait to do it properly this time.
I keep unexpectedly reading about miscarriage and having waves of excruciating grief. Dh is being a real arse at the moment about something else and I can't talk to him because it's my grief and I don't have space for his as well. I just needed to tell someone who has probably been through the same thing that I'm not coping today. I know it will pass but today is shit.