Positives of one amazing child!

[solaceofhome]

Always thought I'd have more than one. She's wild and wonderful and I dote on her. I have these bouts of anxiety and guilt about her being alone in the world. I'm feeling sorry for myself and so resentful because if my marriage wasn't a mess things would be different.

I'm usually pretty good at giving myself perspective and pulling myself out of the emotional hole I get in about this but now two people I know have announced pregnancies with siblings for their only children (one is SIL and its in my face) and here I am again feeling like the odd one out and like I've failed my daughter somehow. It's a lonely place.

I'm going through it all again (guilt/jealousy/resentment) please give me perspective, reassure me with all the perks of having just one and why it's going to be OK, need some morale support.

You can do much more frequent days out, theatre trips, events etc when only paying for one child.

I thought having a second would make life easier, keep my first DS happy and entertained especially if we planned it close in age. Get through the toy phase at the sameish time, do drop offs and pick ups efficiently at (mostly) the same schools. The reality was not this. First DC ended up with fairly difficult but manageable medical needs and second DC with SEN. They both are such different kids and it's so often a case of one parent to one child. Separate school runs happen more often than not, whilst they do get on sometimes, there's a hell of a lot of managing relationships, bickering, feeling like I have so much less time for either of them. Your DC will not be lonely, they will make friends, you will have soooo much more time for them and yourself. I've known friends with just one and their DCs are so mature but still childlike and innocent. Whilst I don't regret my decisions, I feel having a second (especially with SEN) has held my first DC back considerably. I would suggest trying to turn your negative emotions into compassion and kind deeds. No doubt SIL will struggle with 2, if you can offer a helping hand even in the smallest of ways, I'm sure it will make you feel more positive and in control.

I’m an only child and always said that if I was to have one I’d do my best to have two; but my age and our financial situation means DS will be an only.

I consider it mine & DH’s duty now to teach him how to be a good friend, and in time a good partner, to do everything we can do to ensure that he has good people around him when we’re not. I also get comfort from the fact that he has cousins in his generation, and will work to foster those family relationships as they all grow up. Our house will always be open to his friends.

Looking at the positives of being an only from my own POV I’ve grown up to be fiercely independent, have a lot of friends that I consider family, I don’t mind my own company, have no issue travelling or eating out or doing anything really on my own when necessary (things that seem to be a problem for many on MN at least).

My DS is 18 and an only child- he LOVES it!! He’s told me multiple times that he’s glad he had all my attention growing up and that he never felt like he missed out by not having siblings x

My marriage was a mess. I now have an XH. One DC means I can still work ft, am hopefully about to buy a house and DD hasn't really noticed a difference.

My little one is only 4, but I'm loving having solo adventures with him.
I don't know if I'd be so confident or financially able to take two away for city breaks etc.

I have one due to circumstances...met DP later in life, not financially viable to pay for multiple nursery fees, wrap around care etc.
But, now I'm loving the fact I feel like we can really live still. I don't have to worry about stopping for coffee and cake, buying clothes when he suddenly grows, making halloween a way bigger deal than in needs to be etc.

I hope he doesn't think he'd rather have had a sibling as he grows older.
But...my mum was an only and is fine.
My DP has a brother he's virtually NC with...so who knows.

I think you’re coming at this from the wrong perspective. Being an only child doesn’t have to be a positive, or have ‘extra’ benefits, it can just be a neutral, normal, increasingly usual thing. Which it is.

I love being an only child! I had all my mums attention and I had lots of friends growing up, I never felt lonely. I am happy to be by myself and chill whereas my husband is the youngest of 5 and he can’t be alone. He hates it, if he’s at home alone he’s got the tv on as background noise. The main thing I’ve noticed that he’s better at than me is sharing but I plan on teaching my DD to do better than me. I see the conflict that my husband has with his siblings and I’d hate that in my life, but I guess it’s a case of what you haven’t had you can’t miss!

I love that it's just me and DC, I can't imagine not having the time for him that I do now, which I wouldn't have had with a younger child too.