I have been sure for around 10 years I would only have 1 child (we own a 2 bed flat with a second single bedroom, no concrete plan to upsize at any cost as we like where we live). It took me around 10 years of unprotected sex to conceive my 1 month old son. I had gestational diabetes and was coping so badly with it that I asked my GP for a tubal ligation. My husband offered to do a vasectomy and he did it when I was 6 months pregnant. All the contraceptive options seem bad and even today I don't want to get back on contraception which I would have to if we never did the vasectomy as I had a c section and need a gap before I got pregnant again.
Another consideration I had was I am 33 in October and I didn't want to get pregnant after 35. However I do live in London and it's incredibly common here to have babies in late 30s. I also had a traumatic postpartum stay in hospital (in the uk and nhs maternity care isn't fit for purpose- really wouldn't go through that again).. however if I could do it again, I would do elective c section as I found c section amazing. The problem was I was too fixated my first time on vaginal birth and they induced me due to the gestational diabetes and the induction didn't work (epidural was also late so I spent 4 hours experiencing god awful contractions with only gas and air) and I couldn't dilate past 8 cm so ended up with emergency c section
.of course if I had a second at 37, there would probably be even more issues I didn't think about even if I did opt for c section. I didn't have much morning sickness with this one for example, can't imagine how awful it must feel.
I don't know why I am thinking about second child, I had been so sure previously. My son is just so beautiful I wonder what a daughter would look like. No guarantee I would have a daughter though obviously I would love my child regardless of gender, I am happy that I have a son.
Is it common to have such thoughts despite being 100% sure before I was one and done. All the reasons I am one and done- bad maternity care, bad pregnancy experiences, no supportive family, small flat in an area we don't want to move out of - all still apply. Plus my dh doesn't particularly want another child and he was the one who suggested a vasectomy. He also picked the timing and I am supportive because I didn't want to go on contraception and I didn't see how we could realistically have 2 anyway.
I think what triggered these thoughts is dh's comment that if we had a Hungary style policy where mother of 2 was exempt from income tax for the rest of her life, he may consider it though he did say later its a pretty bad reason to have a child given such a policy can be withdrawn. Plus he did say he wonders how beautiful our potential other child is given how beautiful our son is. Plus I feel a bit miffed about my failed induction , and something in me wants a do over birth (terrible reason to have a child i know)
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