One and done but….

[Rusteze]

My DS has told me he is lonely at home, soon to turn 6 in the summer.

Has anyone considered this with the same age gap? Or does anyone have this age gap and it work?

Obviously this isn’t solely based on his request, it’s something we have pondered back and forth but weren't sure.

Any advice.

I would focus on what you want. A baby is not going to stop him feeling lonely. It would not be born until he is nearer 7, and would then be a baby and toddler for a couple of years, by which time he will be 9/10 and not on a level with a small child. I would take that out of the equation, and consider purely do you and DP want another.

If it helps I had one, wanted two, and it did hurt at times when DS said he wanted a sibling, but I realised that he meant he wanted someone his age to play football with, not an annoying younger sibling that would take half my attention. Now as a teen he has a good social life, and enjoys the peace in the house when he's home.

Thank you. I appreciate your reply. We are absolutely only taking into the equation what we want mentally/ financially and everything. I think it just hurt today when he said it again.

Im lucky as he has cousins in close age range and try to have a full house whenever I can to ensure he has someone to play with, I think maybe because whoever he plays with has a sibling at home when they are gone the house feels quiet.

We always wanted 2, but it didn’t happen quickly for us so we savoured the time we had with him as a baby/ toddler/ preschooler and now here we are. It maybe feels like it’s passed us by a little and we want to be sure we make the right decision for all of us before it’s too late.

Thank you again, it means a lot to have someone else’s perspective. Everyone else I know has at least 2 children.

A lot of people I know have one child (me too). I think PP had good advice about thinking about what you want. I wouldn’t look at what’s the norm for other people as a good reason either.

Hi OP. We were one and done for various reasons and then when our eldest got to about four ish I couldn’t shake the niggling doubt about wanting another. I kept trying to kid myself we didn’t need another etc and spent a lot of time on this one child forum. Eventually I bit the bullet and our second was born as our eldest turned six our eldest doted on their baby sibling, the house doesn’t feel quiet (I can totally relate) and I feel like our eldest DC benefits from me having another focus and not over compensating so much for them being on their own. My advice is to go for it, from our point of view the age gap has been really lovely and the siblings do interact and get a lot from each other. Good luck. Don’t live with regrets.

I have an 8 year old and a baby and they absolutely adore each other. Like you say, make sure it’s the right decision for you xx

We are a one and done. Happy with that, I did wonder every now and then if we did the right thing and would she be lonely. DD now 26 years and thriving. But I had a DB and DS growing up. My DB hated me and resented me being there. We get on well now we are both adults. I always got on well with my sister. My point is just because you have another doesn't mean they will get along.

Thank you all, i really find your replies helpful. We are going to have a proper discussion about what this looks like for us as a family.
It’s great to hear both sides!

There are six years between my husband and his brother and while they are very close and best friends now, they had little do with each other growing up due to the big age gap between them.

Focus on what you do want, not because your child feels lonely. There will be 7 years if not more between your 2 children and by the time your youngest can engage in meaningful play, your eldest will be 10/11 and be much more interested in their friends than an annoying toddler sibling!

Siblings aren't any guarantee someone will not be lonely or even get on. I have two siblings, one was my twin and I certainly spent holidays feeling lonely at times!

I think most onlys go through this stage. The reality is that if you got pregnant in the next few months, he’d be 7 by the time they were born and almost 11-12 by the time they can play. By that point, he’s not going to want to play with a 4-5 year old

As a parent of an only, I had to push my comfort zones of heading out more frequently and enrolling in more activities than I would usually enrol DD, to ensure she had lots of company. I also schedule at least one or two days at holiday club even if I didn’t need it, just for social reasons

I use to gently remind DD that a sibling wasn’t possible and balance this out with all the perks she got as an only. At 8 she fully understands, she also has expensive hobbies that definitely wouldn’t be feasible if she has a sibling and she knows it

@Rusteze what did you decide in the end OP?