Conflicted

[BlueEyes90]

This may be a bit of a long post so apologies. Also not sure what I’m looking for, advice/reassurance.. maybe just to write down all my thoughts.

We have a daughter who is 3, very nearly 4 & I absolutely adore her (she can be hard work) but I wouldn’t change her for the world.

We’ve been trying for a second since Jan 24 (we fell the first month of trying for daughter so it feels like a long journey so far). Last year I found out my cervix had scarred over & the doctor said it was no surprise we hadn’t fallen pregnant as it was that bad. But I had an op in August 24 & things seem to be back to normal with my cycle. We’ve kept ttc but found out I have PCOS last year - we also found out in Dec that my husband has a low count/motility.
We are at that stage of talking about stopping trying for a second, it causes a lot of upset each month and I sort of want to make peace with being one and done.
But on the flip side my daughter is so caring, I think she’d be a wonderful big sister.

I know having a sibling doesn’t mean they’re friends - I don’t talk to my sister and my husband doesn’t talk to one of his brothers.

We’ve had several conversations about being one & done/keep ttc but as the title says, we’re both conflicted. We’ve held on to all baby stuff so that’s still hanging around & I do get upset when I see people pregnant knowing it also may not be a possibility for us to have a second.

I guess I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar situation where they’d been trying for a second but due to fertility/other reasons stopped trying & how things are now. Do you regret anything?

Obviously there’s no guarantees we can even have a second but I’m conscious of the age gap getting bigger too and do wonder at what point we stop and accept we’re a family of 3.

Thanks for reading my ramblings!

From what you have said it sounds like you are open to a second child but it’s the TTC that’s taking its toll on you.

Have you tried just ditching the contraception and not focussing on the TTC? Perhaps that’s easier said than done, I haven’t been in that situation myself but it sounds like a good way forward if you could make it work.

@vincettenoir we are open but it’s looking like it’s unlikely to happen.. I don’t know how people don’t focus on it lol I find it all consuming. Just trying to figure out if we should just accept we’ll have one child

Would you consider fertility treatment or not? When I went through this I felt like I couldn’t make peace with only having one until I could wake in the morning with no regrets that there was something I could have tried but didnt and if my eldest ever asked I could say I did all I could.

@eustoitnow we always said that we wouldn’t go through fertility treatment.
My husband is due to be tested again soon and the doctor said wait for that and go back but I don’t think the nhs treats secondary infertility. But what you’re saying makes sense, you exhausted what you could?

Hey I just wanted to say thanks for sharing. Little boy is nearly 3. We had three losses before him and most recently had another loss at 10 weeks. The plan was 2 under 2 but shortly after the birth of my son my thyroid attacked itself after a bad infection coupled with Covid and is to wait a year for things to regulate. Anyway most recent miscarriage devastated me, doctors have said we’ve got to be realistic about how many more pregnancies we can have and the effect on my body, and honestly I just sometimes feel like the universe is telling me to have one and that it might not be our decision in the end. Like you I don’t want to do IVF or invasive fertility treatment, already been through so much.

anyway this post doesn’t have the answers you asked for, but I wanted to acknowledge and just say I hear you and appreciate your post. Thank you for sharing. X