Feeling really sad about my girl being an only child

[MamaByTheOcean]

My daughter is coming up 2 and is my absolutely whole world after waiting so long for her and going through IVF to have her.

For a long while I didn’t think I’d want anymore as the IVF process is very tough mentally and I had a very anxious pregnancy and difficult birth. I struggled a lot in the early weeks with a refluxy baby and PND and my husband being back at work after 2 weeks. We also like a certain type of lifestyle and work hard for it so never imagined having a huge family as that chaotic household is not for us and we want to take our child/ren travelling etc.

over the last 2 years a lot of the barriers to having another child have disappeared so now we have some inheritance to fund any further IVF transfers and the general extra expense of having a second child, my husband now gets 6 months paid time off work so this would be the support I need for any PND support and if I chose to opt for a c section birth. Im also seeing friends have siblings to their other children and feeling incredibly sad my daughter won’t get to have that kind relationship with anyone.

I was an only child and my parents were very conscious of not spoiling me with things or attention. They often brought a cousin or friend on holidays or days out but I still felt quite lonely a lot at home as a child and struggled to share. Now as an adult I feel really sad I don’t have a sibling and my daughter only has one aunt and uncle on my husbands side.

I also do have moments where I feel like I could never love another child as much as I do my daughter but I know that’s totally normal.

My 3.5 year old is an IVF baby. The older she gets, the more I want another. I couldn't bear to deprive her of the 10 or so grand it would take (I'd need donor eggs now) for just the chance to have another when we don't have that amount of money spare. In your shoes, I wouldn't want to be thinking "what if" in 10 years time...

Also an IVF mum with one DD!

I longed for another child until DD was about 6.. she is now 21 and for various reasons I’m very glad that she’s my one and only!

She’s had so many wonderful opportunities + experiences that financially and logistically just wouldn’t have been possible if she had siblings. For example, we were able to send her to a lovely prep school which got her into an amazing grammar. She did horse riding competitively when she was younger and had her own pony.. I couldn’t have even dreamt of this when I was growing up! I’m glad & grateful that her childhood looks so different to time and that we’ve been able to spoil her a bit over the years. We’re very close and as she’s gotten older it’s almost like having a little built in best friend - I just can’t imagine this dynamic if I had another child.

Having another kids isn’t a guaranteed friend for their sibling. They will more than likely fight and scrap over toys in the early days and may or may not be close when they’re older. I read this on here a few years back and it was a really good point - have another kid because YOU want one, not because of an idyllic dream you have of your kids being cute besties. Then - if they are, that’s a sweet little bonus!

Honestly OP, you'll have this advice from others too I'm sure, but you really don't know how things would work out for your kids if you had two of them, in terms of their relationship.

Many, many people have very distant relationships from their siblings. I have a bunch of siblings and I'm not close to any of them - so do a few of my friends. I'd say I have more friends who don't get on with their siblings than do.

One of my siblings is a complete liability and the others are difficult personalities to get on with.

Of course, it can be lovely and close, but that's not always how it works out.

You should only have a second child if you want one - not because you feel like you are denying your daughter anything by not having one.

You are also projecting your own feelings onto her - you wanted a sibling - but don't know how she will feel about having/ not having a sibling when she grows up.

You want what you don't have, but you don't know what it would be like if you did have a sibling. You might be better off as you are now.

I think it’s what you want not her. A sibling doesn’t guarantee anything

In my scenario I’m one of three. I barely have any contact as an adult with either sibling, and as children we never really got on.

My Ds is an only. He’s socialable, happy and has lots of opportunities

Thanks everyone for the replies :) lots to think about for us as a family.