I’m 38 my husband is 40.
I had my son when I was 19, it was very stressful, we had to be careful with money but my husband was an amazing provider, and my son was just a easy perfect child. when my son was 4 I went back to work part time, and my husband went on to better work,
we finally got a mortgage on a house, I always asked about having another baby, I kept everything I had of my sons.
mad time went on, I’d ask shall we start trying now? It was always no, there was always a reason, we need to finish renovating, pass my driving test, let’s finish paying the mortgage,
I just stopped asking so much, then we moved I asked, when our friends had babies I would make a remark like “I’ll be next I think”
we moved when I was 34 to our lovey forever home. He said it was too much of an age gap and now I’m 38 I’m struggling to come to terms that I won’t have another.
I wanted another so much, now it’s too late.. not that 38 is too late. I mean the age gap, my sons 20 this year. He told me when we moved that we would have another but stop at one !! i had a miscarriage at 34 at 9 weeks , but when I told him I was pregnant he wasn’t really happy about the idea. which broke my heart.
I feel like I’m missing a child from my life. I cry all the time about the child I don’t have, then cry because I should be grateful that I had one perfect child..
I have said some awful things to my husband and resent him for it.
it’s taking over my life, im crying on my way from work seeing my friends walk from the school, having to buy gifts for my cousins new baby’s and birthdays .
I struggle to be around them.
I told my husband that all he cared about is money and he really doesn’t deserve it.
im wondering is there something physically wrong with me, hormones ?? ovulation makes me a million times worse..
I know I’m grieving for a baby I never had.
I feel empty.