I think DS will be an only - please tell me your favourite things of having one.

[december2020]

I always had it in my mind that'd we'd have two kids but as I'm getting older, no external help outside of DH and I, and the cost of living getting increasingly more expensive, it's pretty clear that we'll probably only have one.

Don't get me wrong, DS is my world, he is so amazing, and it means I can give him all my time and money and make sure he has the best life.
But equally I'm coming to terms with not having a second.

So please tell me all your favourite things of having one. The special moments you have and your favourite moments.

Car journeys are really special. My ds became my co-pilot and navigator. He'll be 21 this week but we still talk about all the CDs we used to sing along to.
I once gave a lift to a friend's daughter to nursery (think they were about 3 at the time) and, oh my goodness, the inane chatter, bickering, disagreeing and silly noises from the back of the car. I was genuinely shocked ( I'd assumed having 2 children was lovely as they'd be company for each other). It was not a relaxing experience! It made me very grateful for all the 1:1 time I had with ds. It also made me quite amazed that my parents had tolerated years of that from me and my brother when we were kids and we both survived!

This is so lovely @MrsCratchitstwiceturneddress ! And really shows how the simple moments like car journeys can be special!

DS tells me about his day during bedtime and it's the moment he tends to go 'deeper' with what he tells me. I suppose having 2 would mean I would miss out on moments like those.

I have 2 DC but I am an only child and I absolutely loved it. One thing I hear a lot is that I must be lonely but I have never felt lonely. I enjoy my own company and have close friends who are like my siblings. My DH has a sibling he hasn't spoken to for 6 years (and I can't see it changing) so having more than one child doesn't necessarily mean a close relationship.

D's is 6.5 and is an only, it's great - we aren't rich by any means but can afford treats and days out. Me dh and ds are a real team and it's easy for us to decide on a whim to drive a couple of hours for a day out. D's gets our full attention and he's the most snuggly, loving boy you'd ever meet!

On a personal note, whilst i'm a pretty good mum to ds, I don't think I'd be a good mum to multiple - id be too stressed and sensory overloaded and selfishly I like that dh and I get lots of us time too

We go on fabulous holidays, suited perfectly to us. DD is very like me in many ways; adventurous and stoic. Exploring ancient ruins while eating food she's never seen before... I know we will still travel together as adults.

My friend had a fussy-eater/whiner child who didn't like change. If I had a second like that, it would be a nightmare.

My brother and I are opposites and everything we did, every family decision, was a crap compromise. I still remember the year we wanted something a little different for Christmas and he tantrummed until we had the exact same Christmas as every other year. My parents are still doing it, now, in their 80s. I LOVE now we do random stuff at Christmas (with some tradition thrown in) and DD is part of it. Adding things to the random. Pjs, weird soup and pineapples are now 'Christmas' round ours.

Our home is a calm place with no arguing. We have been able to do age appropriate things as soon as dc is ready - no being held back in our activities or trips by a younger baby/toddler.
We all have time for our own interests at the weekends as well as time together.
Dc gets lots of 1:1 time with each of us

I couldn’t imagine having a “ Better” child than son- I just couldn’t see the need for another one!

I asked a few adult only children, and one said “ I was as happy as a pig in shit! Loved it!”

There are so many adult siblings that aren’t close, or who squabbled hard as children- I’m very glad I stopped at one, despite husband wanting a second- He is on his third marriage now and son has a half sibling, but they aren’t close at all ( which is a shame).

When I sit on the settee my five year old climbs on my knee for cuddles.

This- Only Children’s homes tend to be very peaceful with no squabbling.

It's not what you asked for but hopefully this helps too - I was one of two and my brother made me absolutely miserable. He was the worst part of my childhood. Now as adults we have no relationship and I do 100% of the caring for our mum. I would have been much happier as an only.

Everything is easier. He has my whole heart. No fighting or sibling rivalry. Less stress on my body as I only had one pregnancy. We've had lovely holidays because we can afford it.

He was always happy playing by himself or with me and played well with other children too at school etc.

Now he is at uni, I'm even happier to only have one. It is expensive and part time jobs are like gold dust in uni towns. If I had two, that would be a 6 year financial commitment.

No worries about inheritance. He gets e everything when the time comes and I'm hoping to be able to help him with a deposit on his first property. None of this would stretch in a meaningful way to cover two or more.

Me as well @ChonkyRabbit

Sorry there are more of us, but nice to know I'm not alone.

I second this, I love being in the car with DD even if she slags off my music choice, but it is a really bonding time.

we got a lift home with a friend and her two kids were just arguing the whole way and hitting etc. DD got out the car and just said ‘I really didn’t like that’ lol!

My general impression from life is there are far more people who are indifferent or negative about their siblings than the "my sister is my best friend" types. Ditto way more families where all elderly care falls on one person than when it's shared.

So many!

Being able to listen to DD without another child whining for attention in the background.
Being able to sleep and never having to go through the baby stage again.
Being able to take a school friend in the car somewhere without issues fitting everyone in.
Being able to take time for myself every weekend without guilt.
Being able to cater activities to DD rather than always compromising or paying for activities one child doesn't enjoy.
Having a calm home with no squabbling or worse.
Having time to get to know her friends and easily manage having them over for playdates.
Getting rid of toys or clothes once done with them instead of hanging onto everything
(I realise some of these sound petty!)

This is exactly why I stuck with one.
There was an old book in the library about second children-
A mother has a first whom she loved , a good, easy fun child- So she went for a second- who was the absolute opposite - A miserable sullen baby who didn’t get any easier-
She said she and the first child used to go to the end of the garden to get away from the second child’s bawling ( was with Dad)
This story really stuck with me - Some kids are easy , others not at all.
My friend had a very difficult brother as well who was in a residential school- but when he was home he was scary. Huge and violent compared to his quiet sister.

Now that DS is a teenager, it's great being able to prioritise his interests. He has an expensive hobby that I couldn't afford if I had two children. I am also very relieved that I will only have one child to support through uni (if he goes) and try to help get a toe-hold on the property ladder.

There are loads!
Terrible sibling rivalries that really hurt.
Favouritism is real.

Usually the favourite 🤩 does the least, but is the golden boy/ girl .

Estranged adult children are very common too.

My friend however has her sister as her best friend- they get on very well.

I get on with one brother in particular- but as kids we fought like cat and dogs. ( I was the half sibling) and deffo not the golden girl!

I was able to help DS onto property ladder, but with two or more, without a Hedge fund job or inheritance it would be hard.

DS is 10yo.

We were happy with one. DS wanted a sibling. So we had DD after 2 MCs.

God I love her.

But god it's so so hard sometimes.

With one, it's you + DH taking care of your child. With two, it's one each at the best of times.

DS is sooo chilled. DD is feral 😂 we love her but she's exhausting.

I forgot how hard the toddler years can be.

I miss out on so much with DS now. The bedtimes. The random trips out. So much we can't do because DD is not even 2 yet.

I know that it'll get easier as she gets older and DS is so happy she's here. I absolutely do not regret having her, my kids are my life.

But I miss the days I could give DS my all and I feel guilty. He's quite self sufficient; she needs a lot of attention, so there's definitely an imbalance right now which I feel guilty about all the time.

I think I'll always be a little sad those days are gone

The only person he fights with is me 😊

We can be selfish together

He gets my undivided attention and resources

I had very bad post natal mental health and have a partner who definitely isn't an equal parent.
Additionally I like working, sleep and doing my own thing occasionally so I never wanted to do it again.

I can't imagine loving anyone more than DD. She's very mature and I'm a big kid so we meet somewhere in the middle 😁
She's 7 now and my best little friend. We have great conversations and she's getting go the point were she can get through the theatre and even music concerts so I feel we will have lots of fun together in the future.
I'm not a big advocate of siblings at the best of times. My brother's an addict always asking for money and 1 of my partner siblings is the most selfish person you could meet.

Strangely enough I'm pretty good with kids, I give DDs friends lifts to places, I always talk to them and they even want cuddles from me. But I'm not a natural mother and I have to work at it. I don't like having no days off 😆
I don't know how people have 3 or 4 kids through choice , it must be very difficult.

I love having 'only' 1!

Having siblings can be really shit sometimes, especially if you’re the middle of a pack of them. My DD doesn’t have to experience that feeling of being overlooked, or ever feel like she wasn’t enough for us.

We have a close relationship and as a family aren’t pulled here there and everywhere for her to be able to pursue her interests, as well as maintaining our relationship with each other, our friends and our careers.

Obviously it’s easier financially.

I have one but was one of three growing up. I hope I can bring calm and attention to my child’s life that I never had. My siblings are both older. I was never close to either my sister was bossy and left me to play alone. I was less close to my brother he became involved in drugs and alcohol in high school. My parent’s attention was caught up in them, they were stressed and took it all out on me.

I would beg my parents to do something about my brother as his late nights and bursting into my room in a drunk haze was frightening to say the least. They did nothing and I was in trouble for bringing it up.

I was often bullied or isolated I didn’t have some amazing upbringing despite being one of three. As adults we get along politely although they are two of the most self-absorbed people I know.

I feel in a similar situation OP- I'm 33 and had DS when I was 28 and honestly the thought of going back to night feeds and the baby stage is off putting.
I feel like I have a more balanced life with my DS getting older and think I would be way more stressed with 2. I think I would actually be doing it more out of duty of what is expected and feel guilty for not giving my DS a sibling. Although I do get a little help it's not a lot and I admit that does have an influence too. My DH feels the same. I suppose I just hope I won't regret it in years to come