Overbearing family - feeling threatened as a Mum

[Sunandstars28]

I had my DD in November, and she is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. My husband’s family adore her and exercise healthy boundaries, acknowledging she is our baby (mine and my husband). My family also adore her, but in my opinion are being overbearing and almost possessive over her, as if she is a ‘communal baby’ that they have equal rights to. My Grandma has made comments on how DD is ‘our’ baby (as in my side of the family) and not as much my husband’s family’s. My sister had kindly sewn a few baby dresses, and has proceeded to make matching dresses for her to wear, and joked multiple times at how she and DD will match. She has shared posts on Instagram that say Aunts are as important in raising a daughter as the mother. When she visits, she constantly asks to hold the baby, even when I am trying to let DD get some much needed sleep in the daytime. The whole family seem unable to respect my request that they do not kiss the baby, and my other sister claims every time that she ‘forgets’. I find myself becoming weirdly possessive over my baby and feel as though my family don’t respect that she is MINE AND MY HUSBANDS baby, rather than a communal baby for the whole family to claim. I know they are coming from a place of love and mean no harm, which makes me think perhaps my feelings are unreasonable. Should I put up boundaries, or AIBU?

The kissing baby thing would piss me right off, amazes me that people still do that. I can understand your feelings, you’re a new mum and it’s easy to feel threatened by comments like this when you haven’t fully established yourself in this role (I hope that doesn’t seem like a dig, I had the exact same feeling when my daughter was little but would never feel like it now).

If they’re going to ignore your boundaries then I’d start pulling away a bit and “be a lot busier”. The fact that your partners family aren’t like this shows you that yours are being weird and overstepping. Some stuff isn’t that bad, “our baby” I get but also get why you wouldn’t like it.

it is your baby though and you are her mum, matching outfits with her aunty doesn’t take change that x

The kissing the baby thing isn't good, but I do understand instinctively forgetting. Absolutely valid to remind them!

I think the matching outfits is kind of adorable. Lol

It sounds like your daughter is well loved. I would focus on that for now.

What's wrong with family kissing a baby? I'm assuming it's not on the mouth?

To protect them from. Illness and infection.
Not forever but until they have a strong immune system and vaccines.

I would feel exactly the same as you OP.

It's not you OP it's them. They're not behaving rationally or with respect towards you and DH. DH family sound sane and normal, I'd focus on them and minimise contact with your batshit lot. Your reaction is normal, it's in response to their weirdly possessive behaviour. You wouldn't feel this way if they were behaving normally. You don't have to put up with this nonsense and I'd advise you not to.

If you put up with smaller transgressions, the people behaving that way have a tendency to move on to bigger and bigger transgressions, until your life (or in this case your baby) no longer feels like it's your own.