Did anyone else feel like this?

[Rowlie]

We have DS aged 3.5. In my mind it’s now crunch time on whether we go for a 2nd as I don’t want more than a 5 year gap.

With DS I really struggled and had PND. I don’t think I’m a naturally maternal person and don’t have loads of patience. Really didn’t enjoy baby stage. Have gradually settled into motherhood and ofc love DS and now do really enjoy doing things together and being able to have a conversation. I was so adamant that we wouldn’t have another in the first year of DS’ life that I sold all the baby stuff.

Only in the past 6 months have I even thought about possibly having a second. Main reason would be to give DS a sibling. And also part of me feels I want to do it again to enjoy it, as I really didn’t first time and I do feel I’d be more relaxed this time but ofc I could end up with PND again and regretting it. When I think of the bigger picture I want to have another as we’re only on this planet once and I know that having children is such a blessing. I would love for DS to have someone here when we are gone. I also feel sad if I think this is the last time I’ll be doing things if we don’t have a second, as it’s going so fast. Societal pressure also plays a part although I know it is much more common to be an only child now.

However, the things putting me off are the quality of life we would have if we have another. Currently we enjoy nice holidays several times a year, could send DS to private school if we chose and could support him through uni/help set him up in life. If we had a 2nd we would be much more stretched financially.

Finally, we also have a dog which sounds ridiculous but who is very high maintenance and I do wonder if I would be able to cope adding another child into the mix.

I feel like the main reasons stopping me from having a second are silly things and that when I look at the bigger picture we should have another.

does anyone have any advice?

Ultimately nobody can give you advice on what do here as everyone’s lives are so nuanced it would be impossible. I’d honestly take this to therapy, it’s such a huge life decision you need to dig deep what your real motivators are v your fears and see where you land x

Personally I think a person’s character has more influence on people’s futures/lives than whether or not they have siblings.

I’ve seen people with siblings really struggle in the world because they’re not very confident and they struggle in work and struggle to build relationships. Confident only children thrive.

i don’t agree with having another just to give a child a sibling but if you want another for its own sake - GO FOT IT! 💪

I go against the grain I think building a family and providing a sibling for your current child is a great reason. Obviously my youngest isn’t a play thing for my eldest- but their bond and watching them together is my greatest joy, The money argument short of not affording the mortgage and bills I just don’t think is a reason, otherwise why have 1 child. You can have a way better life materially without any children to pay for.
I think sometimes a gap of -3-4 years can help, maybe not make you love the baby stage but remind you that it’s fleeting. I hate the toddler stage but I knew I’d come out the other side.

I don't think I would have a second child just to give my first a sibling, I had my second purely because I wanted them