I want a second child

[Hopefulhusband]

I have been wanting for a second child my wife keeps saying I need to be patient and wait till she is out of school she keeps failing so her school should have only taken 4 years but it has been 7 years. she didn't help with insurance and so I keeped making sure I had a 401k and insurance for me and her and worked extra to make sure we could have a another baby I'm 39 and she is 35 we have a 15 year old son and I keep getting depressed. I asked for a date that we could start trying she said I need to wait till she is out of school she has 6 months left and she said that if we had another baby she doesn't want to push me away again but I don't have any control over how she treats me or when we could try she has done this before if it's hard or a big choice she will not finish and I'm just sitting here waiting. we started marriage counseling a year ago it started getting better but the counselor had to take a month off and all the problems came back. But if I had a date to try for a second baby I wouldn't be so depressed I would be able to be prepared get physical possibly make sure my diet's right

You sound like you are pinning all hopes on a second baby when your marriage clearly has issues. Have you thought about how your 15 yr old will feel with such a sibling age gap?
honestly you sound a bit fixated on what you want, which your wife is trying to bat away

Why is she struggling with school? Is she trying to juggle multiple responsibilities?

Your poor wife. You have no idea what it takes out of you to grow and birth a child. If one of you doesn't want a child then that's the end of it. I presume you love your wife and don't believe in forced pregnancy so leave it alone and focus on how lucky you are to have a partner and child. Many people would love to be in your shoes.

Focus on improving the life you have. It's very unfair on your current child, wife and mythical future child to do this for you.

She works as a LPN at a Urgent Care I make sure that I do the dishes in the morning I also make dinner at night I work 10 hour day as a welder and drive 45 minutes to work i also help my son with his math homework I help my wife with any kind of homework but she doesn't ask for any of my help so it's really hard for me to try to help her we also go to the gym in the mornings to

So surely you help her by shelving the idea of a second child she clearly doesn’t want? Who would want to go back to the baby stage with a fifteen year old?

I'm sorry if I upset you I don't understand how it is having a child I'm a male by God's choice I just wanted to see if I could get some advice on how I could really help my wife

But look at your title. ‘I want a second child.’ Most of your post appears to be blaming her for failing her exams, and deferring your dream . She doesn’t want another child. The best thing you can do to ‘help’ her is to accept that.

Is this a wind up?

Who wants to have another kid when you have a teenager?

What's with all the whining about having to do the bare minimum as a partner and parent?;do you want a pat on the back?

You sound like an entitled tit tbh.

Also if you're depressed then go see a doctor;you need therapy/medication not a baby.

Leave your wife alone and let her finish her education and forge ahead with her career in peace:she's already done her part of bringing a child into your marriage:why on earth do you want her to start from scratch again?;it seems like you're trying to sabotage her.

It sounds as though she is not that keen. I think you need to have a real heart to heart conversation with her. It is so difficult when couples don’t have the same goals but not insurmountable. Unfortunately final say does kinda go with your wife in these circumstances as she would carry and birth the child. I guess you gotta try and persuade her…. Know any friends with cute babies you could hang out with?

I’m so sorry you feel like this.
I wanted a second baby for so long, there was always an excuse,
by the time my son was 10 we were mortgage free, had a holiday home, plenty of money, but I still wanted a baby,
my husband obviously didn’t want one, but never gave a reason why apart from financial reasons.
my sons 18 now, I feel my whole life that there’s something missing and I hate my husband for it. when my son was 16 I threw away all the baby clothes. I was torn, my husband even said he would give me a child if that’s what I wanted but said it was a little mad doing it when it won’t be long and our son will be moved out.
I’m devastated to this day, I will always resent him, even though he’s the love of my life.

if one person wants a baby and the other one doesn’t , one will always win and one will loose as there’s no compromise.

Have you considered counselling?

Hard as it may be to accept, no one is owed or entitled to a particular number of children, and your resentment is benefiting no-one, least of all yourself.

Your DH is quite within his rights not to have any more children- with all the obligations and responsibility involved- than he wants. Above all, any child has the right to be 100% wanted by both parents.