This is a bit of a rant as been a long time coming, I know people have a lot worse situations, but this whole thing is really getting to me recently and I have no idea how to move forward with it, or am I in the wrong with how I feel, all critiques welcome!!
So lets start from the very beginning as bad as this will sound I never wanted children, obviously now I have my little girl I wouldn't change it for the world (bar the attitude!) but my daughter's father reassured me we would be okay and we would always do it together and no one would struggle, clearly had blindfold on for this one!
Anyway we broke up when she was about 3 months old, so I should have really thought about who I had a baby with but young and naive and trying to see the best in people, to avoid all the ins and outs, he basically won't keep down a job and jumps from one to the other and only goes with jobs under taxable amount, fine live however you want I guess.
But I am the one who has to pick up all the slack sorting out the childcare fees, most has come to £750, (I work full time) clothes, food ect you know the rest, he was claiming child benefit until midway last year as he claimed he was entitled to it and needed it more (she's now 3 😊) he has to pay a measly £75 a month for his daughter has he has her 104 nights of the year...
He has not woken up multiple times for drop offs, this morning was the worst when our daughter was crying asking why daddy didnt want to see her, I do drop offs to his house and end of stay he returns her to mine - would cost too much in taxis for him, its a walkable distance but I don't have the energy for the guilt trip of, 'I'm going through a rough time' and honestly I despise the man at this point, I have no idea what I am meant to do to make this situation better, we don't coparent as he is almost impossible to speak to, it always turns into a guilt trip and I know I shouldn't get this worked up about it but it is draining me.
I can't help feel like he doesn't deserve to see her but I know this would do more harm to her then good as she adores him but I can't help but think otherwise if anyone knows how to help move forward or what I can do it would be greatly appreciated please...