How to introduce shy DC to new activities?

[Machooda]

My DD attends nursery full time and gets along very well with all the children in her room. However, when I take her to anything outside nursery - even to a nursery friend's birthday! - she wants to play only with my DH or me. As she's now at an age (4) where I'd like her to meet more friends outside nursery I'd like to sign her up to more classes (swimming, tennis, dancing, gymnastics etc) but am stopped by the feeling that she won't join in and will spend every session or class clinging to my DH or me.

Does anybody have any advice or experience with this? Should I encourage her to be in new situations or just have her with us at weekends so all she knows is nursery and us? I'd feel guilty almost forcing her to attend these classes when she could be relaxed with just my DH and me doing something at home or just the 3 of us outside. I feel it's important that she, as an only child, meets more new friends outside of home and nursery. What has worked for any of you in a similar situation? Any suggestions on how to manage shyness?

DD is very similar. She is 3 and does drop off gymnastics, she didn’t like that DH left her at first but loves it now.

Also have you tried any play dates? I’ve found the same as you at many group activities and kids parties she just wants me or DH, think she finds it overwhelming, but at play dates with one or two other children she’s more likely to play with them.

Yes, she does have play dates but they're the same few friends and are all boys so I'd also like to encourage her to have a mixed group of friends.

I had a similar little boy. We tried various activities including Rugbytots. He just wanted to sit on my lap and cuddle on the sidelines . It was painful. We persisted for 6 months and then stopped as it they were expensive classes.
He was happy with 1-1 play dates with nursery friends and most comfortable
in our own home or the playground . When he started school he hated the beginning of the day for the first 3 years of school. From 6 years old his confidence grew . Aged 9 he is a confident child with familiar people and an awesome rugby player but often takes a while to warm up with new people.

The lesson for me was to just let him be his delightful little self and not put him through the stress of activities that he didn’t want to do as he wasn’t developmentally ready.

One of my DC was like this. The key was to find activities where the adult leaders were good at winning her confidence, and willing to make the effort; I did contact them ahead of time to let them know what she was like.

For drop off activities (this was school age so slightly older) I sometimes had to bargain with DC to go in for 15min and that the leader would check after 15min if she still wanted to leave. I then really did sit outside until the 15min were up, although DC never wanted to leave once they had started a session

I felt it was important to overcome as it was preventing her participating in things like birthday parties, that she wanted to do. Also I needed her to attend holiday club so I could work and that was a nightmare too, so needed a strategy.

She’s only 4, not even at school yet! If she’s socialising well at nursery and enjoys playdates then that’s great! It’s fine if they are always with the same few boys- at this age parents usually stay don’t they so it’s normal to restrict to the parents you get along with. You can do trial classes for a lot of things to see how she gets on without committing to a term’s fees, and I’d start swimming because that’s an important skill, but don’t push anything she doesn’t want to do. It’ll be better for her to start when she’s ready and wants to do whatever activity it is - forcing her when she’s so young and doesn’t want to do it is just going to put her off and waste a lot of money.

Not sure what age they can start Rainbows or Beavers but my ds was very shy and Beavers was great for him. He actually attends one (cubs now) slightly outside of our area where he knew no one but has really enjoyed it. It's quite structured and the leaders are really good (and take no shit) so it's definitely helped.

Thanks for all of your replies. They've helped immensely.