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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

What do you say to your only?

16 replies

LL82 · 21/09/2024 21:01

I have a 5 yr old and for various reasons they won’t be any more. He asks regularly wanting me to have another baby. Hasn’t helped his bestie has a new sibling. When he younger I was able to say - well you are so special to us, babies cry and take a lot of mummies time lol recently I’ve said well I’m getting too old. But it breaks my heart and I don’t know what to say to him. Any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CherryValley5 · 21/09/2024 21:14

I was always honest with DD and simply told her that mummy and daddy can’t have any more babies.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 21/09/2024 21:16

I remember asking for another sibling as I didn’t like my older sister. My mum just said it was t possible as she was too old. I think the child needs a definitive answer otherwise they will keep asking in the hope they can change your mind.

Flibflobflibflob · 21/09/2024 21:17

We always say that she was just perfect so we didn’t need another one. Obviously not the most diplomatic thing to say and we have only said it in private. I can’t really tell her the truth which is that my PND was so bad that it lasted 3 years and I think another baby would completely tip me over the edge.

mynameiscalypso · 21/09/2024 21:21

I just say, sorry, I'm not going to have a baby.

Singleandproud · 21/09/2024 21:21

All children go through this stage especially when their friends start getting siblings around 4/5. DD was desperate for one and asked Santa for one. The fact that I have been a single parent since I was pregnant with her mattered not.

We got a cat when she was around that age which seemed to stop it. - Not suggesting that's the route you go ofcourse.

She is in her teens now and loves being an only with all the benefits that brings.

Babbahabba · 21/09/2024 21:23

What are the reasons? You might be able to find a child friendly version of them.

ClaireUnderwoodforPresident · 21/09/2024 21:27

I also used to say mummy is too old etc. we had 5 years of ivf so no chance of another random pregnancy. It might help your child to reframe as in they are so lucky not to have to share mummy and daddy. My DD actively does NOT want a baby brother or sister now!

PlumpCatIsBestCat · 21/09/2024 21:28

Mine was 3 and remembers me crying when I got the call our final IVF failed (he knew it was because we couldn't have a baby not the IVF part). He's nearly 4 now.

I'm 41 and it's very unlikely. We say we wanted more but we can't have any and that's ok.

tallwivglasses · 21/09/2024 21:42

I remember asking my mum why I was an only child and she said "some things just aren't possible" with such sadness. BUT she was a devoted mother - she took me to activities, friends were always welcome round and as I got older a friend always came on holiday with us.

And I used to be horrified seeing friends squabbling with their siblings, over toys, games, fighting over how many potatoes each had, I was rarely envious!

Just make sure she has plenty of opportunities to socialise, she'll be fine.

tallwivglasses · 21/09/2024 21:44

"he", sorry - can't edit on the app

timeforanewmoniker · 21/09/2024 21:45

Borrow the most annoying toddler you can find for the day, he'll soon get over it.

daisydaisyrose · 21/09/2024 21:45

I remind her that she wouldn't get as much attention, wouldn't be able to do all her activities etc if she had a sibling.

daisydaisyrose · 21/09/2024 21:50

Also make sure she has as many friends as possible so she doesn't feel 'left out'. She sometimes comes home when we have been with siblings, when they have been arguing and squabbling etc, and breathes a sigh of relief that it's just her! 🤣

It's a shame as she would make a bloody fantastic sister, but sadly, sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it to.

1033NWCAL069 · 21/09/2024 22:02

If she ever asks outright I'll just tell her the truth, that I have to take medication and it's not safe to have a baby while you're taking it. She talks about siblings and sometimes says she wishes she had one, often an older brother which I certainly can't give her 😄 luckily up to this point she hasn't talked about it too much.

Brody77 · 21/09/2024 22:58

We had recurrent miscarriages, into double figures after we had dd, so she was aware slightly that something was up. We were very open from when she was young that we wanted more and tried our best but couldn’t and so growing up she sort of absorbed that and never asked. Plus she sometimes says how all her friends (only one other only in her year) are jealous she doesn’t have to share with siblings!

Original poster

LL82 · 22/09/2024 21:10

Thanks all for your comments :) tbf I have said a few of things mentioned so kinda helps me know I’m saying the right thing!! he knows how special he is to us, that he doesn’t have to share us and some people have big families and lots of children, others have smaller - we are all different, and that not everyone can have more than 1. Hopefully he is absorbing it too and I’m doing the right thing.
He also has clubs to go to, good friends and cousins, loves the dog but it’s still hard at times!

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