How is life after child starts Uni?

[RatiTeen]

Question for single child parents - how do you adjust after your child is in Uni and moves away?? I have couple years to that but just the thought of my child going Uni is making me nervous.

I'm counting down the years to getting my free time and social life back!

The house was a lot tidier 😁

I have been through this and I really enjoyed having the space and freedom back. I'm a single mum too so I went from having my child at home to being alone at home. it makes it more special when they come back as well and I have really enjoyed my time with them as well as my time apart from them.

I feel like I've done a good job because they've flown the nest and have created their own life independently of me.

I feel like I've done a good job because they've flown the nest and have created their own life independently of me.

That's how it should be.

Mine has just gone. Yes of course I feel like I’ve done a good job because he’s a fully independent adult, who has settled in well, and seems to be taking full advantage of all the great opportunities he has. I however, have never felt so broken-hearted. I miss him even more than I expected. Just me?!

I just dropped off my only child to university yesterday and I am completely lost. It sounds dramatic but I feel like I am experiencing a kind of bereavement which is manifesting as pain in my chest. I’m hoping this intense grief I am feeling will subside with time, just need to adjust to this new situation.

Dd goes next year. She's been on a school expedition for three weeks and a couple of festivals so I've had a bit of time without her.

I'm hoping she doesn't go too far so I can't easily visit

My only child went to uni last year. The first weeks/months were very difficult for me; he was unhappy (and still is to some extent but now grimly accepts that it won't get better), he got Covid and this really scared him as he was far from home.

Over the year it got somewhat easier; he was home quite a lot of the time. He then got an internship at the uni so was back there for a month over the summer, in nicer accommodation, so that helped. He's about to go back and into nicer accommodation again, he's put himself out there a bit more socially (only a bit) and his calendar looks busier so he shouldn't have so much time bored and stuck on his own.

It does get easier @Luckducky but it's a big adjustment. I hope that your DC settles well. Take it easy on yourself.

I'm wondering about this, it's always been just dd and I, dds 18 now and taking a year out.

I'm already finding myself a bit lost as dd is working long hours and out a lot. During the week it's fine as I'm busy working but this wend has felt very quiet and long 🫤

I think I need to find some new hobbies 😬

This was me last year @Luckducky. I completely understand as I really struggled to function for a couple of weeks, crying all the time and feeling a sharp and awful grief. However to my relief the intensity of it faded (I didn't believe it would at the start, but it did), and I started to feel better and actually happy and relieved that my child was getting out into the world and making the most of their young life.

They've started second year now and I don't feel any of those strong feelings this year! Just glad for them that they have these opportunities.

Also they're home for 6 months of the year (a month at Christmas and Easter and four months in the summer, unless they choose to stay in uni city or go travelling etc). My child has to work in the holidays to save for uni so lives at home then. So they haven't "left home" at all!

Big hugs to you. It's a huge and overwhelming adjustment after their being the centre of your life for 18 years. But I promise you that time is a great healer and you will get there. Take good care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I did and it was the best thing really. All the best.

The day I dropped ds off was hard. I was tired and emotional (not in the Private Eye sense).

I still find the back and forth of university a bit difficult... he's here, then he's not; do I cook for him or will he be out; how do we navigate it all. But it's got a lot easier. Tbh I am now looking forward to him moving out fully, though there is still a bit of nostalgic sadness there. But he's very much a grownup now and ready to live his own life, and tbh I am ready for it too.

Mine is going on 7th October and I have mixed feelings. I'm getting a bit anxious about it now. On one hand I'm so happy for him that he got into Oxford (single parent, low income) and he's said himself that emotionally he's absolutely ready to go. And yes, I admit I'm a little bit proud that I've brought up this clever, kind, hard working and well-balanced young man. I think I've done a good job in sometimes difficult circumstances.

But on the other I'm beginning to realize that I might struggle getting used to him not being here for weeks on end. He's always spent time at weekends with his dad, and gone on holidays with him so in that sense I know what it feels like to not have him around for a week. But a whole term will be different. I'm telling myself that eight weeks away at a time is nothing, he'll be home more weeks than he's away so he's not really gone. I hope that will be enough to prevent me missing him too much!

For me it's been in stages. The first year hit me hard - but by the second I adjusted to the positives a lot more - the freedom, the tidy house. More than just the adjustment to term times though - dd soon acquired a bf and so her time is partitioned between his home and ours. That added a whole other level of separation. The two together has been a massive adjustment. It's been bitter sweet (I want her to be happy - but I miss her) - and I think taking the positives and milking them is the way forward.

Our son went in the covid year so needed our support a lot more than we expected so it kept good communications, including FaceTime calls a couple of times a day plus texts and phone calls. We never had any periods where he went dark on us as he needed reassurance all the time as the first few weeks were really miserable for him with being locked down in a uni flat with stranger, no lectures to go to, no freshers fayre, no clubs and societies. Plenty of communication throughout the day really helped us adjust to him leaving home.

Then of course he had to stay home due to lockdown for the second term, so he was back with us. By the time he went back for the third term, it was like starting over for him and us, a kind of reset. Much easier for us. So overall, it was almost like a year long transition to him leaving home rather than a dump and run followed by little communication. The next two years were similar really, with him coming and going without much fuss, stress nor sadness.

It was harder when he graduated and properly left home as we knew he’d not be coming back like a boomerang once he got a job and renting his own flat for the long term at the opposite end of the country.