Pressure from husband for baby 2

[RunnerMummy18]

Please help! Me and my husband have been together for 10 years. We always knew we'd have children and we got married young. At age 26 my husband was raising the topic of having a child every day. I wasn't sure if I was ready but after about a year of delaying I gave in and went ahead. I absolutely adore my child, they are the best thing that's ever happened and I'm so glad I did. But I have no desire to have a second. I have a strong career, no family around (parents are 2 hours away) and I'm generally quite a sensitive introvert who needs space. Our life is happy, calm, and everyone gets what they need.

My husband wants a second child so bad that he's pressuring me, daily. He said he'd find a way to get over not having a second but that he would be extremely upset because it's not what he pictures his life like. I struggled so much mentally during the first 2 years (he is nearly 3 now). He keeps telling me it has to happen now because the age gap will be too big, that they need to be born before August to avoid another year of nursery fees, that he's sick of nagging at me to have another child. He totally dismisses my reasons for not wanting another one and tells me to get over it, that we'll find a way through it. I'm sure that's true and that it would be fine but I do feel it will be at the expense of my mental health. My husband is an amazing father, but quite a cold, unforgiving husband

If I don't have another child, he will resent me forever. I am 90% sure I don't want one but I do feel if he left be alone - for more than a week - I would considerate it.

Help!

He can want one as much as he likes, but as it's not his body being used he really doesn't get to force you. Nobody should bring a child into the world that they don't want. Tell him he needs to get some therapy to come to terms with it but the answer is no.

I think you have to tell him if he can't stop pestering you over this he risks losing you. I imagine he hasn't considered how awful his behaviour is, and how resolute you really are, and also I think that he has no idea, really, what a toll having a child takes on a woman, even when the child is 100% wanted.

I'd get to the Dr and have an appointment to have your tubes tied.
Tell him your booking it and you hope he understands that is the end of any and all conversations regarding you having any more children.

Please do not give in to the pressure, it sounds like even number 1 wasn't entirely your decision. Don't give in just because he stops mentioning it. Perhaps he needs some counselling to be able to accept your lives with one child, or couples counselling. He needs to be grateful for what he has!

Don't do it!

It's a "two yes's" conversation. If he's not listening to you and badgering you daily that's a red flag tbh.

agree with others - therapy/couples counseling would be a good start - he shouldn’t be pressuring you into a second child - you both need to be 100% for it

Thank you all, I feel better knowing that I'm not going mad and that he's being unreasonable xx

Pestering daily? That’s very immature at best and horribly manipulative trying to “wear you down” like they do to get confessions out of prisoners. That is not decent behaviour.

Sounds he’s just trying to tick things off a list, wife done, 2 kids done. Also completely unrealistic, just because you got pregnant quickly with first no guarantee that 2nd will be conceived to arrive before Aug next year. It’s like he’s using you as a baby making machine. What if you had a miscarriage? Would be using the fees and school deadlines to pressurise you into getting pregnant again before you or body was fully ready?

I’d be staying on conception given everything you’ve said and making sure if it’s the pill that it can’t be tampered with (eg swapped with placebos) or conveniently accidentally thrown out or lost.

From the other side, my DH wouldn’t let me have another baby, and the resentment it caused has never left me.

Do you really want to live your life with a cold unforgiving husband who doesn’t care what you want?

He treats you appallingly. You're not a vessel to provide him with offspring. And he's not a great dad if he treats his DC's mum so abysmally.

Cold, unforgiving husband =/= good father

Follow your instincts here, and don't have another child with this man.

This is another description of a man behaving terribly with "but he's an amazing dad!"

It is impossible for a man to be a good father if he treats his wife badly.

Op, your husband is not a good father.

I'm willing to bet that at least part of the reason why you don't want another is because you had to do the majority of the hard work with your first.

"Are we there yet? Can I have it pleeeeease? But I want itttttt!". Sounds like you've already got a second (man)child on your plate.

When he can conceive, carry, give birth to and then care for a child all by himself, then it can be up to him if he wants to do that. Until science reaches that point, it's a two-person process and a two-person decision that either needs two 'yes' votes or one 'no' vote.

You don't want more kids. I totally understand that. They are bloody hard work. Your H might be amazing but generally most of the actual baby work end up on mum. Have you been clear with him that it's NO and not NOT RIGHT NOW? Also, are you very careful with your contraception?