Hi all, in a bit of weird mental depression mode. I am not sure if anyone can help it but would be good to hear from ppl with similar situations/thoughts.
We are living in England with no family but quite good friends circle. All our family is back home and we are not so close with them anyways.
I have had an abortion last year thinking I was not ready for second child and having a guilt trip over it. My partner is 41 and I am 38. Our DS is almost 4 and is the loveliest kid we could ask for. He is confident, mostly independent loves playing by himself and also with our friends kids when they are around.
When I see other parents with second kids I have started feeling a bit envy and sad thinking I shouldnt have aborted my second one. Have started to think I am making my lovely boy injustice by not giving a sibling to him😔. Partner is ok to both but says we are fine like this. What If the second kid is not as easy as this one and we will regret having it. I am thinking if we think of it now, there would be a 5 years age gap between them and they might not have a good Bonding and play time. I also feel we should focus on our retirement instead of investing on another kid.
I am not sure what to do. I have lost interest in everything and keep thinking about how stupid I was to abort the baby last year. I can't focus on work, house hold and my mental state is taking a toll. But can't imagine going back to the baby stage and struggling with kids in 40s. Advises pls. We both are financially ok but might not have luxury holidays or lifestyle if we have second one. For us main thing is our.m age and the risk of second child having health issues/Adhd or anything like that