Ds arguing and winding up DH

[jvjji]

Looking for some suggestions on how to deal with 11yo ds who is normally a great kid but seems to be winding up and pushing buttons with DH.

Example

This morning DH called to him in the other room are you ready? He answered yes I'm ready in a very attitudey way as if DH had been nagging him which he wasn't . DH said I didn't know you were ready so that wasn't a very nice way to respond. DS said it was fine. Then he says I don't know the way I am talking it's not my fault. All escalated into a massive thing where DS is convinced he has done nothing wrong

This happens frequently on attitude or where DS is adamant he is correct and we are wrong.

He does it with me too but seems worse with his dad. I'm presenting a united front but I wonder if it's something to do with him feeling we are always ganging up on him because it's 2 adults and one child.

We have a lot of fun and normally have a great relationship so this I frustrating and I don't know how to nip it in the bud as it's happening almost every day

Just ignore it, you don’t have to bite back with every thing he does. Pick your battles. He’s a hormonal young lad and give him a bit of understanding

He is entering the teenage hormonal phase. You have to pick your battles. If his tone was a bit off, justbtoll your eyes. He probably thinks he doesn't need to be chased and had a whole thing going on his head so thought your dh WAS nagging.

If you or your dh are going to pull him up every si gle small time, you are in for a long and rocky road.

It's a normal stage of growing up and best ignored. If you and your husband react/argue/respond every time the next few years will be hellish. Just ignore the comments and tone, it will get better but unfortunately the hormonal stage lasts quite a while

Totally usual behaviour for that age, ignore it as it will get worse (I’m on my 4th teen 😄) choose your battles and toughen up

To be honest I was your son in this scenario as a teen and it wasn't even intentional. My mum and I used to fight like cat and dog because she said I had a bad attitude and she would constantly have a go at me for being moody or talking to her like crap. But honestly it was just the way I spoke. I wasn't trying to be rude, I was a teenager, it was just the way I spoke. Its strained our relationship now as adults because she's always painted me as this person that im not. Just ignore your son when it happens, he's a child and might not even realise he's doing it. You sometimes just have to let these things go by, you and DH need to be on the same page but that also means not biting to every single thing your hormonal teen is doing. Even if they are actually trying to annoy you.

I think pick your battles is the best advice you'll ever be given. Somw things just aren't worth the row amd some things are. Kids being snappy and arsey sometimes is just how it goes.

I think children , just like adults, say things and their tone just comes out wrong or just isn't what they intended. Best to hear the words and ignore the tone. I also think as they get older they are experimenting with communication and how to get their view across, sometimes it just comes out wrongly. I think often men find it harder to let things go than woman, like they've got to be seen to be in charge . Just tell husband to not bite at every opportunity.

Best just ignored. It’s possibly not worse with DH but it is his responses that escalate situations more so it appears that way. He’s 11, getting a bit of attitude doesn’t sound too bad but it will get worse if you allow it to escalate every time.
These situations can be better managed with humour, your DH needs to learn how to do this.
Best way to manage teens is for the adults to change the way they respond this will generally alter the behaviours without conflict but it can be trial and error.

Welcome to puberty!.

it’s just going to get worse.

pick your battles.

we tend to mimic the bigger grunts and let him tell us off with words… so we know he still has them.

it may not be obvious yet, but remember the time will come that he doesn’t have full control of his voice or it could easily sound deeper and more stroppy than he intended. Or high enough to shatter glass!

just suck it up but make it clear outside of the home he needs to use full sentences and eye contact to communicate with adults.

if you’re speaking to him from another room you can expect that.

My DH is a lot less tolerant with my DS than I am generally…. they squabble like children much like you’re OP. I wonder if it’s a man thing?!

Pick your battles. I have to remind my dh just to ignore some of the backchat and not rude to it.

Mine occasionally sound offended that I remind them to do something, it is the way of tweens and early teens to experience everything as a criticism.

I always tell me husband to be the adult - you don't have to have the last word or win the argument to prove you're in charge. Just leave it, let it go, be compassionate! He's hormonal, grumpy and if you want an argument you'll get one, or you can choose to ignore it, be grateful he's ready and said so with at least nice words and move on all being fairly happy

My teen does this, honestly I either roll my eyes, have a little chuckle, or say something lighthearted like “alright Mr Grumpy!” But I make it clear I’m joking and not having a go!
Tell Dh not to bother turning it into an argument, it’s not worth it.

Agree with the above - don't pick him up on every little thing. Only if he's been really rude.

Hormones are kicking in at 11. It probably will get worse before it gets better. He does it to your DH more than you because 2 males wanting to be Alpha male. Best to ask another poster suggested hear the words not the time. Your DH needs to be mature and not rise to DS. Your DS will come out the other end by 18.

Could you just respond in the same way. Eg. "Ok" in the same voice he used, rather than a telling off. Then it won't escalate

Ignore it. He is allowed to be annoyed. He doesn’t have to comply with a smile.

you should also be willing to hear rational, calm arguments for why rules should be different or things should happen in alternate ways.

All these messages saying ignore it and to pick your battles. I'm sorry I disagree.

We also have 1 child aged 12, nearly 13 and we have this bad attitude, huffing and puffing, etc. I won't stand for it. I try not to argue back, but very calmly/nicely explain that I won't be spoken to like that and he needs to watch his tone. If he doesn't there will be repercussions. He usually says he didn't mean it, apologies and we move on quickly. I think it's important you challenge things like this as I work hard and treat him with respect and demand the same back. I think when you accept it as just typical teenage behaviour you're opening the door for it to continue...

Best ignored from now until about 18!

Think you have a very normal 11 year old there. You don't have to bite back at everything. Just let it go..... especially in a morning !

My little monster was like this around the early teens. Now bettering, slowly.
Keep correcting him and telling him he is presenting an attitude and to watch how he speaks to people. He eill get it eventually.

so it is simply about the perceive way he says something? You definitely need to pick battles if you are going to survive him being a teenager with your relationship in tact. He probably doesn’t realise he is doing something which is fairly nromal

yiur DH does need to get a grip

Pre-teens speak with that tone as their normal tone.
Dd is 12 and she's so frustrating with the way she answers!
But it's completely normal, and we have to ignore it.

(We can gently say things like " can you please be mindful of how you answer me, it sounds really arsey")

Ah the verbal eye roll. Best ignored. And I've raised three sons.

Saved my ammunition for when I couldn't get them out of bed. A cold wet flannel on their feet under the duvet worked best 😂