How did you know you were one and done?

[Natasha198]

We have a DS who is 2.5 and a complete whirlwind! Recently we've been considering another but I keep switching between going for it and staying as we are. The reasons for having another is getting to do it all again and giving my son a sibling (I was an only child). Part of me doesn't want to do this once in life too, I always imagined having 2 children. However the reality has been different and on the flip side of this is my mental health. I have been on sertraline for over a year, best thing I ever did. It's made me a better parent but I still don't deal well with stress/overwhelm. My DH is on the fence, so we're both feeling the same.

What was it that made you decide to stay with one?

Just didn't have it in me, I enjoyed the baby years so much, the idea of having a baby PLuS a toddler really didn't feel it would be as enjoyable! Husband didn't want another which help

Feel so complete with DD. Like you, I’m on medication that makes my quality of life better that I’d need to come off to have another. I also very strongly do not want to go through pregnancy and birth again. DH also really does not want another. We have a good life but both work full time and that plus a toddler plus housework plus finding time for each other and our selves isn’t easy, we just about manage but think it would be impossible with a second and something would break.

I just don't want another. I don't think it would be fair on a hypothetical child to bring them into the world just to be a friend for my existing child, rather than being specifically wanted.

I know I wouldn't cope well with multiple children - I struggle with noise and chaos and mess and conflict.

For me, it's because it's clear that unless you are absolutely loaded, or have huge amounts of extended family support nearby, then having more that one child seems to require that one parent massively scales back their hours, switches to a less demanding job, or becomes a SAHP.

Managing two full time jobs and parenting just about works with one kid and a lot of juggling, with another child in the mix, it would be impossible to maintain.

I also want to be able to keep some interests outside work and parenting, which becomes increasingly difficult with two kids.

I think this idea that people get some innate magical feeling and "just know" how many kids to have, is a bit odd. You just weigh up the pros and cons based on your preferences and circumstances.

I don't have the energy to go through it again. I feel like I should have started 10-15 years earlier for having an easier experience.

@Natasha198 what did you decide?? Feel I could have written this post myself (except my DS is 18 months and I'm not yet on antidepressants but I'm about to be)

Hey! We're about 98% decided we are one and done. Now we have a nearly 3.5 year old, he's still as intense (if not more so) when we're out and the idea of dealing with that and a newborn is just not for me. I'd also have to drop my hours and we can't financially do that with the cost of mortgage/bills. We don't have any family nearby that can help us regularly either. I did go through a bit of a grieving process which helped me come to terms with the decision and I actually feel a lot more at peace now. My best friend is due later this month, so I'm excited for newborn cuddles minus the feeling like I want to do it myself again!

@Natasha198 thank you for the reply <3 more chaotic at 3.5 is quite a terrifying prospect 😂 I've decided to take the age risk that comes with putting off ttc, and check back in with myself on it in the summer, but I know I'll keep thinking about it..I never, ever thought I'd be one and done, but the reality of how hard it is has made me question it all