Dilemma.
WWYD
I am in a bit of a dilemma DS (13).
He is a quite lad, a homebird, not streetwise, slught development delay, short stature - only 4ft5, delayed puberty - more like a 9 year old. Only child, no cousins ect You get the picture? He is a loving soul who lives to be loved, accepted and his friends are so very important to him.
Now he struggles to make friends outside of school having a small friendship circle of 3 himself included.
We will call his other 2 friends Dave and James
Both lads are absolutely EPIC kids, the kind I am so glad DS has to be around. Well mannered, kind, not allowed out on the streets ect alone (our area is not for the timid) .
The thing is James* Mum is a bit of a strange one. Very rarely allowing James over for the day, I want to say its anxiety but I think it's more control. They don't venture from the house and she really lays down the law with her hen pecked DH him admitting once to my hubby "Id love to come for a kick about with you and laddo but she wont allow it". James has been allowed over a few times but only once for a stay over. DS has been to theirs twice for the day. She has been in my house for hours on end, she knows we are a hard working family with a good life/balance, our home is extremely clean and the cupboards/fridge always full.... but despite all this I would trust her 100% to have my DS overnight should he ever be invited.
Now onto Daves family. Daves family are a bit the same only Alcohol is involved, Dave is a quite lad, only speaks when spoken to ect but when he is with my DS he has the time of his life. Daves family are sometimes more lenient and Dave has stayed over a few times. On Friday Daves Dad rang and asked if DS could sleep there Saturday night..... After a LOT of discussion between myself and DH and of course DS we agreed. Under the rules - you keep your phone on your person and fully charged at all times incase of S.O.S. Now the sleepover went great, DS came back in one piece and had the time of his life. Now hereby lies the problem, Daves mother is seldom seen, by anyone.... and Daves Dad rules the roost with a can of carling in hand 24/7. When we went to collect DS Yesterday. Daves Dad was boasting about how he had sank 18 cans and a bottle of JD ... Nice.... Daves Grandmother was just coming out of the garden having been kicked out by the mother we have never seen. Everything seems a weird going on.
Now hereby lies the Q .... DS and Daves Dad are already discussing his next stay over. Which neither myself or DH are very comfy about. How do I judge this? I don't want to isolate DS from his 2 beloved friends but on the same hand I'm not sure I trust Daves parents not to get hostile after drink and I cannot exactly go mithering James parents for meet ups and stay overs when it is quite obvious he is rarely allowed.... such an anxious position to be in as I really don't want DS to be forever be lonley. For the record Daves Dad has several times asked James Mum if he can go also and is always met with a no.... maybe try and build that friendship stronger with James Mum? She did once thank me 3 years ago in tears when I took her to a school party after lockdown, so the lads could enjoy themselves as she was struggling with the world returning to normal (she still wears 2 masks everywhere) so maybe it is actually anxiety....