Is anyone OAD due to how difficult the first year was?

[Jumpingbeansofjelly]

As above really.

I don’t think I could do this again.

The universe gave me one of the hardest babies there is.
A baby that hates the car, pushchair, anyone that isn’t us. Will not nap anywhere but home. Hates baby groups, has a 25 minute window of tolerance of being anywhere outside. Not weaning well. Suffers hugely with all the sleep regressions and teething. Moans constantly.
Nearly died twice, 7 emergency hospital admissions, multiple other hospital apppintments fitted into the first year. Constant anxiety about the known ongoing health condition. Pretty slow on the milestones ( not related to the condition).

Thats a brief synopsis. Needless to say we are both firmly one and done. We both don’t know how we could ever do it again. All our hobbies and enjoyment has been hugely reduced.

But then we both wonder if a sibling would be good as our family is tiny. There are no cousins. Occasionally there are glimmers of enjoyment and you forget all the horrors you’ve been through.

I love the idea of two lovely
adult kids but I really don’t think that is enough to want another.

I am a little curious as to what it would be like to have a baby that’s ‘normal’. I can’t imagine going out with a baby asleep in a pushchair or napping in the car to fit around a day out. I’m aware that there is a slim chance I’d get one of those.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else stopped at one after a traumatic first year OR went on to have another?

Stopped at one. 16 years later I'm very glad. It's fantastic having one

My first was so so hard, would only contact nap, loads of allergies, loads of mad dashes to A and E, slow to hit milestones, never slept and cried all the time. My second is the easier baby going, so happy, goes down ‘drowsy but awake’ that saying annoyed me so much with my first 😂 early to hit milestones so far and just smiles all the time! If I’d had him first I wouldn’t have such a big gap! So it might work out great or you might get another difficult baby, it’s really shown me that it’s luck of the draw and people who have easy babies, like my second, don’t know they are born it is incomparable! I would say though my eldest is now great, so bright and funny and clever and just lovely, it got easier with him at about 16 months

Thank you for the reply.

How much of an age gap is there?

You are brave to the roll the dice again!

I’ll keep hoping then… there’s been lots of it gets easier at X months but I’m still waiting and now nearly 1!

My second arrived when my first was three years and nine months so not huge but bigger than the average and as big as I felt I could have it tbh. I was very much OAD for the first two years and then he started to get easier and I have such a good relationship with my siblings and I felt like I wanted to give him that opportunity, aware it doesn’t always play out that way! I feel very lucky to have got an ‘easy’ one second time around but I think when you’ve had a really hard first you are prepared for the worst versus someone with an easy first who would really struggle to have a difficult second. Not saying for a second it’s worth having it this way around but you will be able to handle most things now, whether you’d want to is a different story! I hope you’re happy with your choice whichever way you go, I don’t think there’s any right answer

Largely yes, we are one and done thanks to the first year. A difficult birth, PND, and a very poor sleeper meant we were reluctant to do it again.

We made the decision for definite when DS began showing developmental concerns and the worry and anxiety from that was 10 times as stressful as the first year and we just couldn't do it again, we wanted to preserve our family life, mental health and marriage.

We stopped at Two, because my Second sounds very much like your first @Jumpingbeansofjelly ! Was planning on having several DCs but the first year (and the next 3 years!) have been so, so tough I couldn't go through it again!