Quality Time with Teenage DD

[SeeSawe]

Hi All,

I work full time (Tues - Sat) girls go to fathers on Sat & I collect them at 5pm on Sunday. I collect them from school on Monday & we then go for something nice to eat. They are 14 & 12. I really feel like I don’t spend anytime with them as it is usually 6.30 when we get home on workdays. We then have something to eat & they disappear into their bedrooms more or less until the morning. It feels like a merry go round & I am not spending enough time with them, they won’t go for walks & I have tried movie nights on Sundays but they get bored. Any advice/suggestions please? 🥲

[junebirthdaygirl]

Could they sometimes go to their dad on Friday evening since you are working on Saturday. Collect them after work on Saturday and then ye have Sundays to do stuff together. But remember a lot of teens who live with both parents spend a good deal of time in their rooms at this age . Just being there for them and a constant stable presence every day is important too. Do you get to take a break...say at Easter when school is closed so you can all do something together.
Thec12 year old may like to spend more time with you than the 14 so could you watch a movie just with her or do another one on one thing together.

[Zonder]

As pp said can you shift the days they go to their dad?

Although teens do tend to spend less time with family and more off on their own.

[gettingolderbutcooler]

A million of us could have written this ourselves!
You're doing ok.
They do disappear to their rooms as their social group is becoming more important to them.
We haven't been for a lovely walk since lockdown probably!
Sometimes I lie in bed and call her in for a cuddle and we'll have a little chat.
But sometimes not.
I try and show an interest in her stuff.
She's a lovely girl and I don't have any problems with her except missing her company.

Don't worry. They'll make her own way back to us.

[SeeSawe]

@Zonder @junebirthdaygirl Thank you so much for your responses, unfortunately I can’t switch days with their father as when I brought him to court for maintenance we got the access sorted also. I wouldn’t mind but he didn’t even want them overnight I insisted as I thought it would benefit the girls with more time with their father. How ironic it is I who feels like I need more time with them now.

@gettingolderbutcooler I actually started crying when I read your post, to have someone say “Your doing OK” was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I so so so appreciate it.

I am going to take only 3 days off over Easter break so will maybe ask them what would they like to do? I am also taking 2 days in April for a trip with 14dd to see a show and stay overnight in a hotel. I am thinking that I will also do something similar for 12 in may, overnight in a hotel with a swimming pool as she loves swimming. I also have them for a solid 14days in the summer holidays so have to watch my annual leave for Christmas and appointments/sick days for girls.

I am going to start movie night again, one on one is a great idea!

The posts have all reassured me that most households are similar which is a relief. I miss them so much when they are gone at the weekends & it has been on my mind a lot lately.

[ObliviousCoalmine]

I'm a firm believer in letting them 'go', they will come back.

You're the constant, they know you're there for when they need you. What you're doing is enough.

My daughter eats her tea with me and then generally goes off to her room. She sometimes comes and sits on my bed and has a chat later in the evening. I encourage her to have friends over so that her social world involves our home.