Is stopping at one selfish?

[Ginspirational]

DH and I are both 30, we have one DD who is almost 2 and we just really don’t want another. I had horrendous PND which I overcame with therapy and medication and now we are in such a lovely place, we adore her and she becomes more amazing each day. She’s a social butterfly, has attended nursery since she was 9 months old and has lots of similar age cousins.

We always thought we would be one and done. I fell pregnant due to failed contraception late last year and had a termination and that really sealed it in our minds that we can’t ever do this again - for the sake of our marriage / my mental health etc etc.

But when we tell friends and family this it’s like we’re making the biggest mistake. I have a friend who’s an only and she tells me that she hates it and she’s lonely etc. Our DD has 3 cousins close in age and I hope they will grow to be friends as they are older.

Is it selfish to stop at one? I feel incredibly guilty at the thought of her growing older and having nobody to support her. (Though I know that there’s no promise they’d be close anyway… my brother lives half way around the world and we don’t speak).

Sorry - brain dump.

Being an only child is awesome! The only thing that spoils it is other people telling you that you must be spoilt or miss having siblings.

That was their problem not mine thanks.

Yes it is hard being the only child to support elderly parents. But not nearly as hard as being part of a sibling group who are all falling out with each other about who should be doing what.

Also pretty much decided we're one and done (DS now 4) as had awful time for the first few years of his life. I have regular guilt about not giving him a sibling, especially when he asks for a baby sister, but I did find this episode of the Motherhood Sessions on having an only child really helpful as it covers many of the questions and fears that I had:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/142DIuOHbD0cCNJxeKnow1?si=6YiJ1JtBT1iCit_EGGfwtQ

It’s not selfish……entirely your choice…..but a cousin is not a sibling….and usually cousins grow apart as adults …..that said if you had another child they may not even like each other ….but I love nothing more than to see my 3 adult children all together enjoying each others company….but if ones enough for you that’s fine

Don't feel pressure you do what your comfortable with I have siblings old enough to be my mum or dad so I kind of grew up like an only child and would play with my nieces and nephews when they came to visit my my mum which is there grandma and I felt like it was great had i had siblings closer to my age would of probably been same but I'm a one child parent for my own personal reasons and I think it's yours and your partners decision that you should care about as so many things come into play house size job school finances etc... as long as your happy that's all that counts and I know many only childs I think those who perhaps are lonely may not have a big family or close knit family/friend circle so perhaps it was only there parents and kids from school they interacted mostly with I hope you find peace and are doing ok ✨

I’m an only. I’ll be honest I made a conscious decision that if I was going to have a child I’d have at least two. My dh has two siblings and that relationship (and that of my dcs) is something I don’t quite understand except to say thatI would have liked to have had it. Also although it not been a big issue yet, dealing with my parents singly as I get older is something that plays on my mind a lot.

I don’t think it’s selfish to stop at one though, no. You’ll save a fortune and be able to give him/her a lot more love and attention. It’s relatively common I find in London.