Only child

[C2190]

My dp and I have one child. He's turning 2 in April, and we've had the chat about potential having another. Tbh it's not a massive priority in our life right now to have another child but I've constantly got this niggle in my head that he needs to have a sibling. People tend to say, "An only child is a lonely child" and "you need to have them close in age" I don't believe in these sayings and comments but I would hate to think he's grown up with no siblings if we were fortunate enough to have another child, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if we chose not to but am I being selfish? Should he have a sibling? Will he be lonely? Will he have all this responsibility when we are old and grey?

I would have loved to have given DD a sibling but unfortunately fertility struggles meant that wasn’t possible. She’s 19 now and does feel she’s missed out on the life that her friends with ‘proper families’ (as she says it) i.e those with siblings have. She’s begun to worry that she’ll be the only one responsible for us when we’re older and to be so do I. I try not to overthink it but deep down I do feel guilty about things.

My daughter is 7 and doesn't want a sibling, she's got loads of friends, we do playdates, she's not lonely.
I hated my brother growing up, fought all the time, never played together.
Only have another if you want one, not to give your son a sibling as they may not get along

Don’t have a child for any other reason than because you yourself really want one. You can’t have a child in case someone else might eventually want a sibling.

"An only child is a lonely child"

This is absolutely not always true. I'm an only child and have always loved it. I've never felt lonely. The loneliest people I've ever known in my life all have siblings. None of whom they have any kind of a relationship with. Having a sibling is not some magic bullet for a happy childhood or life.

I'm not an only child, but wish I was. My siblings made my childhood miserable and we are now NC in adulthood.

I have two sisters who are my best friends. I cannot imagine how empty my life would feel without them and how much I would have missed out on growing up.

I'm an only child. Pluses - acquiring lots of inner resources to entertain myself (my mother was an "only boring people are bored" sort of person!) and total happiness in my own company. But I also had/have really great friendships outside the home so didn't suffer for lack of company when I wanted it. Negatives - I'm naturally an introvert and probably being an only has made me more so, for better or worse. Not having siblings was tough when my parents, especially my mum, were old and needed care - having no one to share the load with was hard, but obviously even if I had had one, there's no guarantee that they would have been any help in crisis.

My DS is 16 and quite happy as an only child. He was a miracle so it wasn’t to be that we had any more. He went to nursery from a baby and he has always been very sociable with lots of friends. His best friend is one of 6, so he regularly is thankful for being an only one!.

However, I do also worry about the responsibility on him when he is older and so are we.

I think have another baby if you want one, but don’t do it just to provide a sibling. Siblings don’t always get along!

I understand what you're saying, but 19 seems a bit young to be worrying about things like that. It wouldn't have even crossed my mind at 19, siblings or not.

Besides, I have two brothers and I worry about the care of my parents resting on my shoulders. We've already been in this situation once or twice and they were both pretty useless.

It's a bit of a strange reason to have more children, just so you're well looked after in old age. What would happen if you had no children?

I have no concerns at all about myself - I would hate to be a burden to her and don’t feel that she has to look after me whatsoever! Although yes at 19 it’s a long way away I don’t think it’s a bad thing that she’s taking the occasional look into the future - it’s not a far fetched observation that she’ll be the only one there when we’re older

My DH is one of 3, his sister emigrated to Australia over 20 years ago and his brother has mental health issues and lives in a care home so all the responsibility for his very elderly parents falls to him, he is also now responsible for all his brothers financial and care arrangements. We only have one child, she loves being an only one and finds it has many benefits including getting the job at every job interview she's had, she had to learn how to make herself likeable from a young age if she wanted to have people to play with, this is a very transferable skill! I also have friends who have little or no contact with their siblings, no guarantee of anything, my DH has zero support from his and actually makes his life harder than if he was an only one.

I have two siblings who I am very close to and have a great relationship with; I still only have one child. He's 16 and has never felt this 'only child is a lonely child' he's never wanted siblings and is perfectly happy in his own company.