5year plus age gaps

[Maaofatoddler]

I guess my question is to those who were one and done until their oldest was 5/6/ or even 10 years old but they had an unplanned pregnancy or they changed their mind after many years.

What made you change your mind so late? Having gone through the recovery trauma, I'm one and done but every once in a while I think will the second time be as bad or worse? Or do I have hope. My DS is soon going to be 3!

I have a ten year age gap between mine. DS is 16 and DD is 6. First time around I had a very traumatic birth, nearly died and told DH we were one and done. I think deep down he always wanted another one but obviously didn't want to push me because the trauma was so raw. When DS was around 6/7 he kept begging for a sibling and I started to reconsider. When he was 9 we started trying and by 10 he had a beautiful little sister. I think what made me change my mind was the thought of DS when me and DH were gone and leaving him alone just didn't seem right. Second time around birth was so much better and I recovered much quicker. Age gap didn't really matter, they get on so well and DS is so protective of his sister.

My son is 5 in January and I'm due my 2nd in April. I always wanted a gap because I wanted to have some time off when he started school. We were actually a little delayed because my mum died last year so having another baby wasn't on my mind for a few months.

Thanks @funsymumsy I think this is what I was looking for. I know the importance of sibling I have a younger sister and there's 6 years between us. Age gap doesn't matter. I'm 34 and going to be 35 - my body clock is what will matter if I delay things. Last weekend at my DS's friend's birthday party I saw lots of siblings and was asked about planning for second by at least 3 different mums. And I told them I'm not ready.

I went through 1 and a half years of recovery with 4 steroid injections to sort out my episiotomy which was ignored by my midwife at 6 weeks check and also GP and maternity units. It's just too much to forget and move on with another.

Plus the thought of holidays and nicer things that we can start doing now and my career which may hold us back - are some other concerns. I'm just torn. I guess by putting on this platform I'm looking for answers within myself.

Thanks for reading x

DD1 is 8 and we were one and done. Stressful pregnancy and she was an absolutely terrible sleeper. When she was 7 and we turned 40 my DH said that he really would like to try for another, so we agreed to try and I thought it wouldn't happen, but fell pregnant immediately, so we now have a 16 month old and an 8 1/2 year old. It's been hard in some ways returning back to the baby phase, slightly better sleeper, throws down a good tantrum, but wouldn't change it. DD1 has been great with her little sister, she struggle at first with sharing me, but we focussed on setting aside quality time with one of us and that's really helped.

My eldest is 30 (had when very young) wanted to wait until older and married for the next one so there is a nearly 7 year gap, the next is 23. We were going to stop at 2 really (was very ill in pregnancy with second) but got VERY broody in my mid 30's so also now have a 12 year old 😁. Pros and cons, as with anything I guess, been doing the school run for 26 years now for instance 🤣. But then I don't know any different really. Don't think I could have handled them really close together. Worked for us is what I am trying to say.

I was sone and done, mines 6 now and I've been desperate for another for the last 18months ish, just hasn't happened unfortunately (I think I'd also absolutely shit my pants if it did). I've worried about the potential age gap ALOT but then come to realise that to be honest you just get on with life whatever happens and it becomes your norm, if it's something that happens for you in a year or two then children that are loved will be fine howeverany yeara is between them. The whole two under two thing or thereabouts literally makes me want to vomit with dread hahahhaah just not for me

So what made you change your mind at 40? Was it that you wanted another despite of all the other problems you faced during your first pregnancy or was there something else to motivate your decision.

I'm not worried about age gap as mine and my sister's is also 6 years.

I'm interested in knowing when a couple was one and done. Then what made you change your mind about having another. Was it something you wanted deep down inside and couldn't possibly come to terms with one and only

@icanlovemebetter It was more my DH, he was worried about DD1 being an only child despite the age gap, I had been absolutely a hard no for years, but when he started to express that he wanted another I started to waiver. The pregnancy was so much better, birth less so as was induced and we had issues with the heart rate, whereas DD1, horrible pregnancy, good birth

12 years between my girls.

I was only 18 when i had my first, didn't work out with her dad. Met my DH when she was 8 so by the time we dated, married etc there was 12.5 years age gap.

Currently 30 weeks with no. 3 and there will be 2 years 8 months between the youngest. The big age gap is awful that's why i tried for 2/3 years this time round.

Same. So my DH wants another but only slips in conversations every now and then sometimes 2 weeks apart sometimes 2 months apart. And when talking to other people often says "my kids..." and I quickly correct him we have "a" kid. It's not intentional sometimes it's just flows out.

He hasn't forced / pressured me. Didn't even do the first time around - I was broody. So he thinks I'll come around again.

Mine are 16, 13 and 3. The toddler is from my second marriage; 27 when I had my first, 39 when I had my last. Our daughter is also my husband's last (and only) and if we could have afforded it we would have had another together.
The funniest thing that's happened so far... when the lady in the shop at Peppa Pig World stopped me to ask if these much bigger boys were definitely my little one's brothers as they were leaving with her 😆 😂 😆
I wouldn't change a thing but by God am I tired at 43 and also working ft!!

I was one and done as I had hyperemesis during first pregnancy which followed by an extremely highly strung dc which meant that I was no way ever going to add another child in the mix as I was scared about not being able to cope. Dc is 5 has been asking for a sibling for nearly 2 years and I fell pregnant. I'm due in March/April and still have no idea how I'm going to cope but life with dc is much easier and my pregnancy this way around is much smoother so far 🤞

My eldest is almost 24 my youngest is 3 with a 18 year old and 5 year old in the middle, definitely done now as energy levels are not what they were with my first 2!

@icanlovemebetter yes, just an uncontrollable urge for another child, especially worse when son started school then I saw all the kids with siblings and got to the point of looking at small children and feeling an inner deep sadness I didn't/don't have have that. I honestly was give or take for kids anyway and DS wasn't exactly expected, totally not the broody type one single bit but it's quite a raw emotion! Hormones I guess

My eldest is 6 & I'm pregnant (nearly full term) with my second. I was firmly one and done for the first four & half years of my son's life. By the time he was two or three months old, I had bought books about raising an only child. I even felt a sense of dread when I heard about other women's pregnancies. The thought of another child was utterly unthinkable for me back then.

I had severe post-partum haemorrhage after I birthed my son and didn't realise (until discussions with my current midwife) how much that blood loss affected the first few months of my mothering experience. I think that was a huge factor in how OAD I felt.

Our children were both conceived via IVF (from the same 'batch' of embryos). Even though I thought I didn't want more children, we could never bring ourselves to discard the embryos.
Which was convenient because once my son entered the third term of Year 1, I inexplicably found myself ready to try again for another baby.

Even though I wanted a second baby, I cried (not from happiness) when my test was positive. For the first twelve weeks, I found myself considering termination (mainly to rid myself of the horrendous morning sickness). I feel very differently about my pregnancy this time: I definitely do not feel smug first time mum bliss. I am so much older now too and have found the pregnancy harder. I worry that parenting a newborn will be harder too, as an older mother. At least I won't be blindsided a second time by the brutal life change a child brings upon one's world.

Still, the end is near and I'm ready now to grow my triangle family to a family of four.

I hope you make the decision that is right for you and your family.

Having DS reopened a load of childhood trauma for me and resulted in me developing Cptsd. However as things got easier (as in when DS started sleeping through at 5 years old) and I had EMDR I reached a point where I really wanted to go again. Unfortunately I had talked DH into a vasectomy when in the worst of my postnatal state so we are now doing IVF. DS is almost 8.