What is life like with an only child?

[MDJ]

Hello!

My husband and I have a wonderful outgoing 2 year old son and are leaning towards being one and done because we are both introvert and prefer a calmer environment and don’t have tonnes of energy. We also like the idea of being able to afford some great holidays with our son to give him some amazing experiences.

I would be really grateful to hear others experiences of life with an only child, particularly older children (9-16). Do you spend a lot of time entertaining your child? Do they enjoy hanging out with you? What are holidays like? Do they do many extra curricular activities? How often do you ensure they socialise (is it stressful/worrying being responsible for your child’s friends?)

Thanks in advance!

Not an only child by choice.
Yes we spent a lot of time/energy entertaining our child.
Holidays, although nice, were tinged with sadness. Other families we saw had children that entertained each other and played together in the pool or on the beach etc, we were constantly on the go as DC had only us to play with. I worried about them socially as they were with us so much, although did activities 3 x a week. Always wanted us to play with them when we were at home, or at the park. When getting older it was a worry because when they were out alone meeting friends it was hard. It wasn’t something we had been through before and we didn’t have another DC at home wanting our attention and distracting us from worrying about where they were, what they were doing, who were they with, were they safe etc.
They are older teen now and pretty much only speak to us asking for food, a lift or money -they don’t need us any more so they are either out with friends or in their room. It’s great they are independent but I miss them, I miss being needed and there’s no younger sibling needing us so we feel a bit lost tbh.

It's life. We know little different. We are happy and can't compare to other families as we are just different people.

My son is resting on my shoulder just now, we're watching a tv programme about wolves. I feel happy and I no longer wonder if I would be happier if we'd had more children. I used to, but now knowing I am happy right now is enough.

I do get the impression people think it's cruel, selfish or possibly "a shame" to have one child. Sad for them. I'm just happy with my family.

I child here, now adult

what I’m finding now later in life is I wish he had brother or sister.
just to share thing when the time comes we are no longer here
instead off him coping with death alone

i may be looking at it in completely the wrong way, and he may cope brilliantly

Not what you asked, but I have 3. They fight constantly. The happy-playing-together moments that warm the heart are few and far between but yes, lovely when they happen.
I don't regret my children. I love them all with my whole being, but 2 of the 3 of them would definitely be happier and easier had they been the only one.
And I suffer terribly from life envy...I have friends with one child and they go on holiday and check the kid into kids clubs and have time just the 2 of them. We rarely get time together, and finding someone to babysit is a nightmare.
I think one and done would be lovely. Throw everything into developing a happy, well-rounded individual. Host the play dates and sleepovers first then they'll be invited back! Have family time and couple time, and relish in how much you can do as a 3.

I have an older teen, and it's honestly been a joy just having the one. He's really close to both me and DH, has loads of friends and a busy social life (2 of his closest friends are also only children) and is pretty independent.

I can't say we spent loads of time entertaining him as he played well on his own right from when he was a toddler, but we definitely spent more time playing with him than we probably would have if we'd had another child.

Holidays were good fun and we've been able to do things that we wouldn't have been able to afford if there were more flights to have had to pay for etc...and my DC often talks fondly about some of the holidays so I don't get the impression he was lonely or bored.

I'll miss him a lot when he goes to uni next year though 😟

I don’t have an only, but my DD has 3 friends who are only children (all of them lovely, well-adjusted kids btw).

The only thing I’ve noticed is that my DD is often invited to go with them on days out and holidays to keep them company, whereas we never tend to invite friends when we go out, as we just go out together.

So I don’t know if that’s something you might need to consider as your son gets older, will he enjoy going without another child? (I’m sure plenty of kids do, it’s just something I’ve noticed that all of her friends who are only children always invite a friend along).

I was an introvert lone parent with an extrovert only child. We are very close, they are independent and very confident as an adult

As an introvert I found it tiring always having to make things happen, but it wasn’t all the time and they really needed it, anyway you are a couple.

Child grew up able to self motivate and spend time alone occupying themselves too.

A friend with 3 children felt she was missing opportunities to spend close time with her DC compared to my situation

Mines 17 now, and no regrets about having an only child. He doesn't have any cousins close in age, but has always found ways to amuse himself at home or on holiday. He's happy to do things with us, and has never done many extra curricular - but been happy to do sports with us.

I have a teen and I wouldn't have changed things to have another. We were best pals for years (single parent) and I took him away on holiday to various places where we had great adventures. We do a summer camping trip with my siblings and his cousins so that was good for him.
I did make more of an effort to invite friends round at weekends and always had to take him to places like soft play so he would get some child interaction rather than just staying home but it was fine. Now he's independent and has loads of friends and doesn't seem bothered at all by the lack of siblings. He now has step siblings (don't live with us) and he can very much take or leave them!!

Single parent here and I love our bond. She's 13 now and we hang out loads although I'm preparing to be lonelier as she spends more time with kids. We tend to go on holdiay with family though and have an annual camping trip with a massive group of friends - 5 or 6 families most year so I get some adult time and she gets child fun.

I’d say the same about only children. My DS2 and DD are often now asked as extras to accompany others on trips or holidays.

i can’t think of anything worse!

I’d just have another child or two and you can keep a nice family unit.

One and done here, never desired more. Child is now 10 and we have a dog which helps. She’s never expressed to us wanting a sibling and isn’t lonely.

We knew that financially it’s fairer to have one rather than stretch and not meet additional child’s needs. Emotionally we knew we were happy with one child as well.

Ive never seen sense in the ‘lonely’ issue, ours has lots of friends and is outgoing. Other families are happier with lots of children and no one should judge others for ‘only having one child’.

I’d just have another child or two and you can keep a nice family unit.

You can have a family with just one child, just as you can have a family as a single parent. There’s no need to assume people with only one child don’t have that family bond.

I thought I'd have 2 or 3 but after a very rocky pg and birth was advised not to have any more. It turned into a blessing actually because I realised I am not a very patient parent. If I'd had more I would have lost my mind.

I would encourage your child's friendships and let them come over regularly. My DD has five friends which are adopted sisters, they are so close.

I couldn't have afforded childcare for more than one. Holidays are cheaper unless you offer to bring one of the friends. Just everything is generally cheaper.

I am an anxious parent and now DD is old enough to go out after dark I worry constantly. If I'd had a second or third child I might gave relaxed slightly with each one but I'll never know now. She doesn't go far so if it's getting late I wait for her at the end of the road!

I’d just have another child or two and you can keep a nice family unit

Eugh I can do without comments like this personally - I have a nice family unit thanks. I don’t think one child is particularly ideal but I don’t think it’s terrible and I can think of plenty of things worse. I can think of several families I know that only have one child so it’s not particularly unusual in my circle. Lockdown was not great but otherwise it’s not a huge deal. We have funds for expensive hobbies like riding which we might not have for 2 or more. ( and still allows me my own hobbies.). We have big holidays - this year the US and last year Mauritius. ( not the be all and end all at all but lovely non the less ) For U.K. holidays we have taken my niece with or without my DSIS and I would happily take a friend as she gets older. We do have to plan to meet friends but there doesn’t seem to be a shortage of volunteers - one in particular with multiple siblings enjoys coming over. As we get older I don’t want her to be burdened with our care but I think financially we will be able to afford external help. I certainly hope she remains close to her cousin and they can support each other through that. If it doesn’t get spent on care homes she’ll inherit a lot of money - not that we tell her that.

I have one, he's 18 and it's been wonderful. I have absolutely no regrets - and he is so happy not to have any younger annoying siblings. I've had the time and money to do so much with him, we've been on amazing holidays, I wish I'd been an only child as my sibling made my life a misery!

We only had one child, had intended more but other things intervened. We had a great time, lots of fun as well as serious stuff, he had many friends (we kept open house), and still does. He didn't mind being an 'only' and is a good person to know now. I have no regrets, it was right for us.

We have one - she’s 13. Lots of opportunities, lots of holidays, lots of fun. We go on holiday with her cousins once a year and she thoroughly enjoys their company but loves to get back to her serene house afterwards!
No regrets here.

So my family is not a ‘nice family unit’ is it? I won’t say what I want to say to you or I will get banned.

OP, having one child is great. We have a lovely bond and enjoy hanging out together. You do have to be prepared to get involved in their games so it helps if you enjoy imaginative play. However there’s no guarantee siblings will play nicely together anyway.

Surely that's the ideal 😆 someone for your child on holiday or days out but you get to give them back and not have to pay for them for the rest of their life. Having another of your own is a far bigger commitment than just one holiday 😂

And can I just say, who the fuck comes into the ‘One Child Families’ section and tells us we aren’t proper families?

OP, you may be interested in this thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4946948-to-ask-why-you-chose-to-stick-with-just-one-dc?page=1

I think that's a good point, there's no guarantee siblings are going to get on!

"Do you spend a lot of time entertaining your child? Do they enjoy hanging out with you? What are holidays like? Do they do many extra curricular activities? How often do you ensure they socialise (is it stressful/worrying being responsible for your child’s friends?) "

She is 17 now, it has been just us as long as she can remember.
She does like hanging out with me, she asks me to meet her after she finishes work so we can walk home together or stop for a drink somewhere. She was never really a bedroom dwelling teen- pretty happy to chill with me. No little siblings means our house is where all her friends come and I like that, she has a lovely group, a few of them have much younger siblings so love coming to an 'adult' house.

Holidays are fun, we didn't do any until she was 8 as I didn't have the money until then. Our friend has a motorhome that we have borrowed and done lots of mini holidays all over the uk. We have brought along several of her friends and done a few just us and we both like both of those. When she was 8-15 she would make friends really easily with any kids at campsites we stopped at so was always out playing.
We could always go and chase things she was interested in, like going to some specific beach at 4am so she could get perfect sunrise photos or staying up pretty much all night to see northern lights in Scotland and now we go to music festivals where bands either of us like will be.

She did some extra curriculars as a kid, things that she asked to do so mostly school run sports and music clubs that were free to join. Also brownies. She still rollerskates with a group now but mostly just sees friends and works in her free time.

It's never really been stressful having her friends over a lot, she is naturally social so it just feels normal. I never felt like I had to find her some friends, I could just put her in a room with some other kids and she had a new best friend in 10 minutes.
It does get easier the older they get, but little kids tend to have 1-1 playdates so one extra kid really makes no difference. And by the time she was in secondary school she had a pretty solid group who I know really well

Do you spend a lot of time entertaining your child?
Not entertaining but hanging out, yes. She's brilliant so it's easy.

Do they enjoy hanging out with you?
Yes at 12. We shall see later.

What are holidays like?
Brilliant. We can go to cooler places and spend more because we have one. She's very adventurous so it's perfect. Yes, we don't get a lot of couple time but we love being a three. She also goes away with DH alone and me alone sometimes.

Do they do many extra curricular activities?
Two per week. She doesn't want any more. She could do one less.

How often do you ensure they socialise (is it stressful/worrying being responsible for your child’s friends?)
She organises herself. Is mostly a homebody at the weekend.

I've loved having just one. It's been calm, peaceful, fun. No arguments, no fighting fir our attention. She's always loved our company and even now at 16, we hang out, go shopping together, watch movies, eat out, cook together - she's a joy to be with. My sister and I fought non stop as kids and I always knew I didn't want that got my baby. We couldn't be happier to be an only child family.