DH wanting more children

[KKDec23]

I have a beautiful 7 yr old DD and my dh and i have been married for 10 years now. I am almost going to be 38 years old and my dh is 43.We have been trying to have our second child but unfortunately is not successful after 9 iui's and 5 frozen transfer which resulted in 3 miscarriages.

I have now given up after my last transfer this oct 2023 which wasnt successful but my dh wants to keep trying.This is creating a lot of friction and resentment and is straining our marriage.

I am done trying and feel mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I want to know how i could save my marriage and be able to make my dh understand that i wouldnt want to try anymore. Sorry about my vent here.

[Princessconsuelabananahammock9]

I am so sorry for everything you have gone through.

I have Endo abd am infertile.

You dh is just going to have to accept it. Can you maybe talk it in marriage counseling? Maybe he will be able to hear you more clearly?

[Noicant]

Maybe counselling, the reality is you are the one taking the physical strain of all this. He should be able to have enough empathy to understand that.

[TakeMe2Insanity]

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. Neither of you is being unreasonable. We were very similar (7 year old, multiple miscarriages), except it was DH who had accepted the situation and I was the one who was not at peace and wanted to try again. It’s such an emotional issue and I fully empathise. A large part of moving forward is accepting the issue and in all honesty I couldn’t. I don’t know how that would have worked for us if the roles had been reversed. What I would say is keep talking to each other. Ultimately its a decision that requires acceptance from one side that doesn’t want to accept.

[KKDec23]

Thank you so much. Probably counselling could be helpful for us.

[KKDec23]

@Noicant True. It has led to anxiety issues for me and trying my best to be sane.

@TakeMe2Insanity i feel like we are stuck in this phase and nothing good is coming or happening to us. I dont want this resentment /unacceptance to affect our 7 yr old.This is like unspoken cold war between us.

[RampantIvy]

Neither of you is being unreasonable

I think the husband is being unreasonable to keep pressuring the OP to keep trying when she has had enough TBH @TakeMe2Insanity

[TomatoSandwiches]

Your husband is being unkind putting this pressure and expectation upon you.
Counciling may help but only if he is willing to truly appreciate your position in this situation.

[KKDec23]

@RampantIvy and @TomatoSandwiches Absoutely. I am still feeling super bloated and ha ve gained around 2kgs of weight after our FET cycle from October and i still dont feel like myself. Probably talking to dh and going for counseling after i settle down mentalky and emotionally would be helpful. Thank you so much.