To lose my mind at this comment ...

[LolaLaLaLou]

Any negative comments about childrens behaviour being responded to with 'are they an only child?'

As a bit of back story: I am an only child and off the top of my head, out of all my friends and family, I am the only one without a sibling. I hated this growing up and as a result, was always adamant I would have at least 2 children.

Unfortunately, after having DD9, a second baby wasn't on the cards for a variety of reasons. I have felt resentment at times over the years at being unable to give my daughter a sibling but acknowledge she has a much better life now than she would if she had a sibling and so I try to see the silver lining.

At a gathering with friends over the weekend, a friend was discussing a friend of her DS's who she finds particularly challenging. After describing their behavior, another friend said 'are they an only child, that would explain it'. I'm kicking myself for not saying anything and was relaying my frustration to DMIL this morning who said 'well I agree, you usually find that only children are spoilt brats'. I reminded her that I and her granddaughter are only children and she fumbled and back tracked but now the more I think about it, I have heard these comments multiple times.

Does this infuriate anyone else or am I being touchy?

I'm currently struggling with DD being an only child, approaching the festive season conscious that we see father Christmas just the 3 of us whilst her friends all have siblings with them, trick or treating just us, holidays where she sometimes struggles to make friends etc and therefore I'm aware I may be more sensitive to these comments than I normally am.

The thing is, I know plenty of precious, entitled people with siblings who fit the stereotype of only children. Nobody seems to argue that their preciousness is the result of having siblings.

There is no foundation to the stereotypes imo. What you describe is merely confirmation bias. When a selfish, entitled person happens to be an only child, people assume that it's because they are an only child. When a selfish, entitled person happens to have siblings, people find another explanation for their selfish, entitled behaviour.

i have just one. Organise holidays Xmas etc with other families. I regret not doing that more. Really regret it. Do it asap.

Well I sure wish I’d been an only child. My older brother was nothing short of evil to me and made my life hell. My younger siblings were a huge burden and caring for them ruined my social life. It wasn’t just my dysfunctional family either, everyone I knew despised their siblings, especially poorer families where bedrooms and toys had to be shared to the extent nothing was their own. Most kids are in daycare by the time they’re walking so the social element is surely provided there. Being a bit precious about your things and having boundaries isn’t negative anyway even if only children are more like this, good for them.

I am an only child with an only child 9 (for now!)

As much as I find it annoying and somewhat untrue what is thought about only children, I can also see how only children "these days" are 90% spoilt brats, can't share, poor social skills, think everything is about them, can't even wait their turn when other people are having a conversation. It infuriates me and seems to be getting worse as the years go on.

There are 5 of us and let me tell you the youngest is incredibly spoiled, as the older siblings were like extra little Mummies

Drives me insane! We only have one child, not through choice. Lucky to have one healthy one here.

Currently going through lots of challenges, possibly some form of adhd and my dm says everything behaviour is 'because they're an only child'. Couldn't possibly be anything else!

People should engage their brain before they open their mouth.

i have just one. Organise holidays Xmas etc with other families. I regret not doing that more. Really regret it. Do it asap

Easier said than done. We’re one and done by choice - still the right decision for us, but we went into it blithely thinking we’d do the whole open house/friends welcome/holidays with others thing. We’ve been taken aback by how little bandwidth many people have for those outside their immediate family, and are struggling to pin down DD’s peers for play dates, let alone sleepovers and holidays. Hardly know any other onlies, and most people seem to content to spend time just within their own household, especially since the pandemic.

I think this is correct. I do not think the latter things represent being spoilt, though - they’re just personality traits. Liking to have everything “just so” is both good and bad, etc. Raising a child that has this personality trait - perhaps because they’re an only child - doesn’t mean that you’re spoiling them and preventing them from being well-adjusted.

Regardless, I think people are idiots when they say this stuff about only children. It’s just one of those silly stereotypes, and it’s good that society is increasingly moving beyond them.

I’m an only child and literally never cared and still don’t. My son will be an only child aswell.
Also - unethical, but if people push about having a second or say anything along them lines, I lie and tell them some bs like me now being infertile so they feel bad for asking & maybe think next time to leave it tf alone.

Don't flame me for this it's just my experience but I've found that children that are worse at sharing and being sociable ar those that were home-schooled -some children I know -one in particular has a brother but is awful and doesn't really understand sharing as a result al the other children at the event we attended fell out with her as she wouldn't let anyone else have a go with another child's toy when they were all sharing nicely before she joined in! My DD has a really good friend who is an only too and they play really nicely together!

Move to London (or I assume another big city) as about 30% of my (only) child’s class don’t have siblings. It’s totally normal.

Apart from that research study after research study has shown that only children aren’t less happy/ more selfish or any of that bullshit.

It's a stereotype but it's not without basis. I'm an only, as are several of my friends, and we all conform to it

@PurpleChrayne im afraid that probably says more about you and your chosen friends. As I said above, scientific research shows no difference in personalities of onlies / those with siblings

Of course, they’re not tablets of truth, but they’re not within foundation either

tell me you have a loose grasp of knowledge in a sentence without telling me. What the fuck does this even mean?

I think it's very unfair. Spoiling comes from parenting techniques, not sibling numbers. It's just not true!

I’m one of three, I hate sharing, love my own company and I’m a bit of a brat. No idea why people think these are only child traits 🤷‍♀️

I have an only child. He’s a nicer person than I am 😂😂