So emotional watching my only grow and sat crying at the fact he's not going to be with me forever- tell me I'm not alone or crazy!! Those with adult onlies advice?

[SlB09]

So I'm sat here tears streaming and I can't turn the tap off, been emotional all day and the crux of it is I just love my child so much I don't want him to ever grow up and leave!! Am I crackers or is this normal?! He's only 6! But growing up so fast it seems and rightly looking for his independence. He's my only and very likely to stay that way due to a number of factors/fertility etc but I don't know if you feel like this even with more kids as it's simply the process of them growing up?! I kind of feel empty at the thought of not having him around when he moves out someday, when I don't have all his little kisses and hugs and little hands to hold. I don't know whether it's worse as he's my only. But by God it's got me an emotional mess today. My husband doesn't seem to understand at all.

Any words of wisdom? Those with older or adult onlies or just those with older kids how did you navigate this and find your path?

I have an only who is also 6 and I can relate. Although this weekend has been exhausting entertaining him, I was suddenly wondering what I would have done if he wasn't here? Probably not a lot!

I'm excited to think about the man he will become and I can't wait to see him grow and hopefully flourish, but with that comes the uncertainty. Will he keep in touch with me the same way I do with my mum? Probably not as he's male. Once he's flown the nest how will DH and I spend our time when life revolves around him? Will I simply be 'the mother in law' once he's got his own family?

I don't think these thoughts are necessarily confined to only children though.

I bought the house next door. He now lives there with my lovely DIL and gorgeous GC. Says he's going to look after us in our old age.🤣🤣🤣

@Fizzadora this is my dream haha! How lovely though you have the relationship, I'm so pleased for you you have that in your life x

@Pinkshoppingbag my thoughts exactly! But I'm sure you could have 3kida and still think this. My neighbour had 4 boys all in there 30's now and all live in different countries never mind different bits of the UK! I sometimes think if I had more kids would I think the same as more chance for wider family but I guess either way it's not guaranteed.
I'm just not sure what I'll do with myself and where that sense of purpose will come from....which I feel pathetic even saying!

Your child will keep in touch, do not worry. Ignore the shite about boys being rubbish etc.

You grow as your child grows. My DD is 17, so off to uni in a year.

Yes, we will miss her, but I want her to get on with life. I don't want a daddy's girl who wont leave our side - and neither will you when the time comes.

I am also the mum of a 6 year old only! She says she wants to live with me forever, but wants me to build a house in the garden for her in case I annoy her 😂

I’m excited to see what life holds for her, but I totally get you in the thought of life without her. But that’s a me issue and my biggest piece of advice is to not let your ds know how you feel. They need to spread their wings and have confidence to do it without ever feeling guilt.

But yes I too sometimes cry at the thought. But when Dd is long in bed and fast asleep.

The teenage years are a great antidote to these sorts of feelings 🤣.

Wait until he turns into a teenager! Enjoy these times OP. The future can bring more memories

DS will leave home next year to move in with his GF. As it’s cheaper they will live a little further away but still an easy trip. When they decide to buy if it works out and fingers crossed as she is lovely then when we retire we will move closer to them. We can’t currently due to DH work but we do want to move closer to the place they will be anyway as it’s great for hiking. Due to childcare costs if they have children we will happily do some childcare. We did want another child but it just didn’t happen for us. It does feels hard letting go but equipping them so they can handle adult life and hoping they find a significant other who brings out the best in them and who they share a mutual love with is the greatest thing we can do for our children. When I die I want to know someone cares about him and he in turn has someone to care for.

@Ostryga yes I would never let on to him this is how I felt, his dad was putting him to bed and I was having a little moment on the sofa downstairs.

@TheBlueandtheGrey you've just set me off again with your last sentence! It's so so true though and thankyou for your wisdom.

My parents live 1.5hrs away and I'd love for them to move closer, we're still a close family but it's not the same as being able to pop round. I had all my family in the same village growing up so I feel like I've taken that away from my son somewhat by not being that close - bloody mum guilt!!!!!

Aw, yer loon! 🤗

My fabulous ‘only’ boy, 22, has just made a flying visit home from Uni just to see me, chat to me about his life, tell me his plans, wonder about the future, laugh at daft stuff on the internet, and off again back to his life, upon which I smile from afar with love.

It unfolds ok.

It's not just only children. I cried buckets when each of mine left for uni. (They didn't cry, it was just me).
But, now they are married with families of their own and we see lots of each other. If you have a good relationship with your children they never really leave you completely.

My DS isn't an only, but he's the only one of my three DC to stay very local. He married an amazing young woman who I love like a daughter and they now have three DC who I see at least three days a week, sometimes more.
It's perfectly possible to maintain that wonderful bond that you have when they're little, but I think you have to do it by letting them go and loving them unconditionally - hopefully they'll continue to want that close relationship.

My 21 yr old has told me he's moving to Canada in a couple of years.
I am so sad.

I think it's normal to feel like this when they're 6, luckily by the time they're 16 and driving you mad you're over it 😉😂

Teenagers can be wonderful too. My lovely only ds turned 18 last month and he's never given us a moments trouble. He's very loving and still happy to spend time with us. The only thing I worry about is when he goes to a gig or something with friends, i can't relax until he's home. I miss having him tucked up in bed at night at 8pm knowing where he is but it's all part and parcel of becoming adults.

My only is 26 and has recently moved in with her partner, it's lovely to see her happy with a kind and caring person she loves. She's had some difficult times to get over and seeing her happy makes me overjoyed. We text several times each day and speak or see each other most weeks. Happiness as a parent is seeing your child be happy.

Thankyou all for sharing your lovely experiences. @StiggyZardust I can imagine that's a very difficult thing to get your head around. My neighbour whose adult kids moved to different countries does still have a lot of contact with them and uses it as an excuse to travel so maybe that's an option.

These kids man, you think the hard bit is when they aren't sleeping, no one prepares you for all the other madness that comes with it! I'm still feeling emotional this morning but my eyes aren't leaking anymore, although I've got parents evening later and if she says anything nice I'll be holding that wobbly chin in!

Hi OP here's a link to a thread filled with similarly sentimental mums including me:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2395981-To-cry-when-I-hold-my-sleeping-child-because-I-love-them-so-much

Thought you might like to see some of what we've felt along the way.

It’s such a pleasure watching them grow and turn into lovely young people with their own sense of humour and values. For me, that part has actually been the most rewarding part of motherhood.

That said, I am a bit sad as my son will be joining his girlfriend’s family for Boxing Day this year so it’s the first one where he won’t be with us. I’ll do my absolute best to encourage him and not to give that away though, obviously.

It literally is your heart walking around outside your body. I never ever expected motherhood to be full of such raw emotion at times - but I guess that's nature's way of making us look after them!

@Flittingaboutagain thanks souch for that, I've had a quick read but had to stop before I cry again. I will keep this though for when I need it, quite obvious I'm not an emotional weirdo and it's quite normal. Sometimes I think my husband must be looking at me wondering what the hell I'm crying for!!!! That really helps thankyou