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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

Original poster

Worries about having one child

11 replies

Ferniebrook · 17/10/2023 09:44

Am getting a bit desperate about this so hoping someone might relate. I am 45 now and had my son when I was 31. His father and I split soon after he was born and I always thought I'd have another. It hasn't happened and now at 45 I have had to come to terms with that. My son is generally a very happy child but does periodically say how much he would have liked a sibling. He has lots of friends and is very close to me and his dad but still seems to feel he missed out, although he only mentions it occasionally.

Not having another child has started to eat me up. From worrying about him, what will happen when me and is dad are no longer here to feeling guilty he didn't have the experience of a sibling. I also somehow feel that 2+ children are 'better' and have even had comments like 'it was such a relief to have two children'. I'm at the point where I feel jealous of people with two children and tired of the pregnancy announcements at work etc.

The rational part of me knows all of this is ridiculous - I love me son and feel beyond grateful to have him - but I'm increasingly feeling sad about it and it's making me anxious.

If anyone can relate to any of this or can offer some advice on acceptance or moving on I'd really appreciate it

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 17/10/2023 11:45

I have endometriosis so tried for years to have DD when I was 2 months away from turning 32. I am not sure exactly why that time I got pregnant but thought maybe I'd have another but never had and I'm now 42 and have a damaged tube so it most likely won't happen now. DD used to beg for a sibling to the point I had to explain it all to her and I do worry but the truth is I can't do anything about it so we will have to all deal with it. She's way more confident than either of us were so I think she will be fine

Original poster
Ferniebrook · 17/10/2023 12:06

thanks for replying. I think my son is fine too, it's just playing on my mind...I am struggling to find peace with it

OP posts:
mishmased · 17/10/2023 12:16

I am an only child and yes it does get lonely sometimes I won't lie but you get used to be so self reliant on yourself knowing that it's just you. Also you make good friends that become like family and make do with what you have. I will enjoy the child you have now and not worry about what ifs, if he has cousins, friends, good relationships that's all he needs.

Original poster
Ferniebrook · 17/10/2023 12:19

thank you. He has a lot of friends and some cousins, although they are not local. I got a dog to help. All his friends have siblings. He is a realist though and I know he is happy overall.

OP posts:
felisha54 · 17/10/2023 12:35

I have an only child and apart from fleeting moments of 'will she be lonely when older and we're gone' i don't give it much thought. She has lots of cousins, some same age and sex that she's close to. She's also sociable and has lots of friends. My dh doesn't speak to his siblings so I'm his main support. I do have good relationships with my siblings but I'm closer to my best friend and we speak everyday and see each other several times a week. She's not close to her brother. I encourage friendships and am probably the parent that spends the most time ferrying dc and her friends around. I'm also very relaxed about her friends coming to our house.

I don't think it's helpful to think about what could've been and given your age and the age difference there would be with your dc, in the kindest way I think you should put the idea to bed and relieve yourself of any guilt.

Original poster
Ferniebrook · 17/10/2023 12:59

thank you - really helpful

OP posts:
GreenTurtle75 · 16/01/2024 14:16

I’m not sure if this is helpful at all, but having siblings and cousins doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be lonely, especially when you’re older. Both myself (34) and my husband (35) are one of three and neither of us speak very often with our siblings or cousins. Myself and my siblings all moved to different parts of Britain, and my husband just doesn’t have much in common with his siblings. Over the years I often felt like I’d missed out on the close-knit extended families that you see represented so much on screen, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that my family just aren’t that type of family (everyone’s a bit reserved).

Parkerpenny · 08/02/2024 22:37

I went through these feelings. It's tough when you can't have another.

Gradually I accepted it and now we enjoy being a family if three.

Notfastjustfurious · 08/02/2024 22:43

As poster above said, a sibling is no guarantee of anything. I have one as does my husband and both our DB's are total liabilities that bring nothing but problems.

HVfan · 12/10/2024 13:41

Ferniebrook · 17/10/2023 09:44

Am getting a bit desperate about this so hoping someone might relate. I am 45 now and had my son when I was 31. His father and I split soon after he was born and I always thought I'd have another. It hasn't happened and now at 45 I have had to come to terms with that. My son is generally a very happy child but does periodically say how much he would have liked a sibling. He has lots of friends and is very close to me and his dad but still seems to feel he missed out, although he only mentions it occasionally.

Not having another child has started to eat me up. From worrying about him, what will happen when me and is dad are no longer here to feeling guilty he didn't have the experience of a sibling. I also somehow feel that 2+ children are 'better' and have even had comments like 'it was such a relief to have two children'. I'm at the point where I feel jealous of people with two children and tired of the pregnancy announcements at work etc.

The rational part of me knows all of this is ridiculous - I love me son and feel beyond grateful to have him - but I'm increasingly feeling sad about it and it's making me anxious.

If anyone can relate to any of this or can offer some advice on acceptance or moving on I'd really appreciate it

I periodically said I wanted a horse. It’s good to want things I guess. Didn’t get one. Would not like the smell if it did to be honest.

My sister wanted a dog. My father told her when she grows up and moves out she can have as many dogs as she wants.

My parents would have said if I asked for a brother that when I grow up and move out I can have as many kids as I want.

Many get to 45 wondering how it ended up they had less kids or more kids than they set out to have.

Jessie1259 · 12/10/2024 13:52

If I hadn't had a sibling then I'd have felt I missed out too. Unfortunately I did have a sibling and we haven't got on since the day he was born! The fantasy rarely holds up to reality does it? He's probably imagining a brother, close in age who has his back and wants to do all the things he does at exactly the times he wants to do them too. We live 300 miles apart and when my parents die it would be much easier if it was just me and my OH dealing with it tbh.

DS on the other hand is an only and absolutely loves it. He's seen enough annoying siblings to know. You son could have been married for 20, 30 years before you die! I'm sure he'll manage, you need to stop this over thinking!

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