I want DD to have a sibling but I don’t want to have another baby

[LethalToddlerElbows]

Anyone else feel like this?

I know my DD would make the most lovely big sister. She is so kind and gentle (most of the time!) and loves babies and other children. I feel said at the thought of her not having anyone to play with at home and on holidays, days out etc. I had such a lovely relationship with my sister growing up.

BUT I just don’t want to have another baby. I had an awful pregnancy and PND, it took me until she was almost 1 to be able to enjoy her. I’m sure my body just hates being pregnant as I just had the most awful darkest thoughts and struggled so much. I feel like I would be letting DD down to do it all again as what if my mental health stopped me from being a good enough mum to her. I need to put her first. I also just generally don’t like the thought of doing it all again.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Not sure why this thread has been revived 6 months later! @LethalToddlerElbows based on your last post it sounded like you were pretty sure you wouldn't have another child, do you still feel the same?

Hello! Yes I still feel the same. DD is 2.5 now and so lots of the parents of her nursery cohert have recently announced pregnancies - I still feel a little bit like I want to want to have a second but I don't actually want to!

I think what's cemented it is that DD has been quite poorly recently and the stress of it really took its toll on me - I just don't think I could cope with it x2!

We are happy though, we have plenty of friends with similar age children, she goes to a great nursery and has her same age cousin who we see often. Also 2 dogs as a PP suggested a pet!

My dd is an only child. She is a young adult now.

We did actually want another one but couldn't due to miscarriage/secondary infertility etc. I worried a lot about dd being an only child in those early years.

I really didn't need to. She has thrived as an only child. We have a very close relationship. She is super confident, super sociable and has tons of friends. I've asked her over the years whether she wishes that she'd had a sibling, and she has always responded that she couldn't miss what she's never had. She certainly isn't lonely, and I don't think she ever will be...she attracts people like a magnet. And while I used to worry about her having to manage our old age without anyone to help her, she has quite rightly pointed out that I do everything for my parents despite the fact that I have a sibling.

Meanwhile, I have been able to maintain my career, my friendships, my mental health etc

It isn't how I planned my family to be but I wouldn't actually change it now, even if I had the choice. Having an only child rocks!!!

Thank you for updating us - sounds as if you're all very happy which is lovely

It's fine to have only one and many people aren't close with their siblings, especially as they grow older. So don't worry about her being an only child. The only children I know are very happy and have lots of friends.
Having said that, I felt depressed during my first pregnancy. This was after many years of being desperate for a baby and fearing it would never happen. I think the pregnancy hormones just made me depressed.
Once my child was born I struggled greatly during the first year. I wouldn't say I had serious PND but was definitely mildly depressed and generally miserable. It was a real slog and I felt I'd lost my life. Like you, I didn't enjoy my child until she was over one.
When she was 18 months I felt ready to try for a second. It was a completely different experience. No depression during pregnancy. The first year with my second child just flew by and seemed incredibly easy compared to my first. I was very happy.
So your second pregnancy and baby experience might be completely different - or it might be equally hard.
By the way, my children are now 13 and 11 and not particularly close. They spend very little time together and often barely say a word to each other for several days. Rather sad but they just have their own separate lives and interests. My first child was always very loving and caring so I thought she'd be a lovely big sister - but to be honest I think she was happier before we had our second child! So there's no need to feel that your child needs a sibling.