Scared if I have a second child that they won’t get along

[Cyeo123]

Hi guys. We have a 3 year old son. We had a really difficult birth and found it hard emotionally for the first year of his life. Times moved on and we love him unreal amounts and he’s the light of our lives. We always thought before we had him that we would have 2. Then we decided we wouldn’t have anymore because we had such a hard time and we have very limited family support. However it is something we now both question every day. We just can’t decide what to do. Im not “broody”… but our son adores babies and asks for a baby to be in my tummy (his auntie has had 2 babies since my son entered this world). Is it reasonable to have another child, solely just to give them a sibling? I’d do anything for him to be the happiest he can be, but then I worry about them not getting on? What if we have another and they don’t even like each other? Particularly worried if it was to be a girl as he only plays with boys generally. I’d hate to turn his world upside down, especially because we would be having another for his benefit? Sometimes I think I’d like to do it all again… but I think I’d want to do it all again with him! I’m so confused. I know some people don’t have this debate and it’s a given that they will have more than one child, but for us it’s a huge decision that’s driving us mad. I think you should have another because you WANT another, not just to give them a sibling…?!

[JoinInBetty]

I hated my sisters growing up and still do

[Worldisacircus]

I want to start with : sorry for long post!

Similar boat. My DS will soon be 3 and while initially the birth and the second degree tear wound traumatised me as it just wouldn’t heal. I had to go through silver nitrate treatment and steroid injections over 6 months and it took 1 year and 4 months from birth for me to fully heal. In that period I could not sit, stand , do much physical activity. As a result I put on a lot of weight. Understandably no DTD with DH as down there was in shambles and while he was supportive he would often slide in a second child conversation.

Now that I’m feeling much better DTD with DH , we have thought about it. But we want to push it back for 2 years.

First, we want to be absolutely sure that we can afford. We have thought about pros and cons. With one DC we can easily send him to an independent school. But with two , and mortgage , travel and other expensive life things we would have to each get a promotion at our jobs.

Second, I had my first in the middle of a pandemic. And with Covid returning, I want it absolutely gone before I get pregnant again. It was so hard and upsetting when DH couldn’t get in for appointments etc.

I read on another MN chat that one lady waited until their first DC was potty trained and in school to have another one so help with nursery costs and so that there aren’t 2 DC in nappies.

l have a 6 year difference between me and my younger sister and she adores me and respects me and I dote on her as if she was my daughter.

Hope this helps 😊

[GreenTurtle75]

I’ve loved and hated my siblings over the years. Relationships will always change and there’s never a guarantee that siblings will like each other. The more important question is whether you want another child. If it gives your child a sibling/someone to play with, that’s just a bonus.

[mindworkingovertime]

 I think I’d like to do it all again… but I think I’d want to do it all again with him
This is exactly how i feel. I'd love a time machine to go back to when my daughter was a baby and be able to re do it.
Difference here is she doesn't want a sibling, and at 7 wouldn't play with one anyway, so if i have another it's for us.
Get on fine with my brother now but hated him growing up.