What did you implement in the early years that you never regretted?

[parmesansally]

Hello!

I'm at that stage of parenting where I'm trying to figure out what I can do for my child other than keeping her alive

I wondered what other Mumsnetters started up around the age of four that they feel really benefitted their little one? I'm really open to hearing all kinds of things. I have booked two trial sessions for the next couple of months, a "twinkle toes" dance class and an acting class. I am hoping to find something to install and retain confidence (my kid has buckets) and also meet friends locally she can form little friendships with even if it's only as passing ships!

I always said ‘we only draw on paper’ and my kids have never drawn on the walls!

I really try and engage. Put phones away, really ficus on what he's doing, and give lots of genuine praise (e.g. wow that drawing is so interesting,). Build confidence and cement DC's sense of self.

We always eat dinner at the table as a family.
I find now as teens this is a really important time of day as sometimes it's the only time I see them.

She needs to be slightly older but Girl Guiding (starting with Rainbows aged 5) has been great for my only to develop strong friendships and to become more independent in a safe environment. Worth getting yours on the list for a local group if you’re interested as they often have waiting lists.

Tidy up time after dinner / before bed - they each choose a song (usually Wrecking Ball or Firework) and tidy furiously for the space of the songs. Even the 2yo knows the drill and means the living space is toy-free for Mum and Dad in the evening.

no screens during dinner - that’s a rule for us really! Even if we’re not eating with them (too early), we’re not allowed to look at our phones - I figure it’ll be easier to win the battles with them when they’re older.

Everyone puts their own washing away - we fold it into piles of tops, bottoms etc; they have to put them away in the right drawers.

My kids had a rota of chores and were expected to work together to prep meals as soon as it was possible. I have fond memories of them all in the kitchen, the three year old chopping mushrooms with a plastic knife up to the thirteen year old slicing onions. The little ones put washing into the tumble dryer, older ones sorted washing and put the machine on; they all took turns at washing up, drying dishes and putting them away. Since they had full responsibility for these tasks, there was no option to object. The result is that they are all fully functioning adults in their own households now - none of them expects a partner to wait on them hand and foot.

Teach them manners and everything they need to be able to not show you up in social situations, eg. How to sit at a table, not run around a restaurant, not to interrupt, etc. You - and everyone around you - will be grateful.

This!!
more for you to do then her but when you pick her up from school don’t be on your phone. Make a big deal about seeing her and how much you’ve missed her and that the drawing she brought home is really amazing. This is one of my favourite parts of the day with my littles because I see how excited they are to see me too.

I speak very openly with my children. About 10 minutes from where I live there is a hostel and it brings some interesting people - some down on their luck, some addicts and everything inbetween. I think it houses homeless mostly. My son often asks why they come down to our local shop and ask for money so I explain that some people are having a hard time and others make bad choices. He really likes to give something back to those who are in need to make them feel happier. Some times it’s £1, sometimes hel hand them a part of what ever snack he’s eating etc but I’m really glad we speak about the world rather then me just fobbing him off. Answer their “why” questions. My son comes to me with all kinds of questions because he knows il take the time to talk about it.

And the other big one is validate their feelings. If they are crying because they have a tiny scratch that can only be seen under a microscope, don’t say “you’re fine” or minimise their feelings. It does get abit draining but I always say to my kids I’m so sorry you’re hurt, give them a big hug and say it will heal at bedtime or something like that and say we can choose a plaster tomorrow. Chances they will forget about it quickly. My son is now very good at speaking up if someone tries to brush his feelings off.

these are the things that stand out for me!

🥰

Confident social interaction. Please & thank you.
If visiting another household and something is served my child doesn’t like, quietly leave it to one side of the plate without making a fuss.
How to hold a knife and fork correctly.
How to sit quietly at a restaurant table and not disturb other diners.
Not to interrupt mummy when she’s talking but, always go back to my child to ask what she/he wants/wanted.
Dont over indulge at Christmas/birthdays. If others do so, remove some items into a storage space. Allow child to choose an item when poorly or a “reward” for being particularly good that day.
Allow “down time.” Every (week) day doesn’t have to be topped off with activities like gym club, dance club, Brownies, football practice, music lessons et al. Sometimes it’s ok to come home, sit on sofa watch tv and decompress.

If discussion came up about boyfriends or girlfriends, however young the child, I always phrased it along the lines of 'if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend when you are older' switching the order of the sexes about the next time the topic came up. No presumption about who, or even if.

When my child came out as gay they said they never had any concerns about telling me because of how things were always discussed.

Some kind of sport so that exercise is a normal part of life.

Team sports are great for friendships.

Dinner at the table, and no phones when sitting together during meal times.

Giving our son as many opportunities as we were able to in terms of out of school activities . We only even enrolled ds in clubs he wanted to join and if he outgrew them or wanted to leave, we moved on. Over the year he did Beavers, Cubs, Gymnastics, Karate, Judo, Junior Rugby, Tech club, swimming lessons and Drama class. He got some great experiences and skills and I think it can help children to become more rounded as people by broadening their interests. It can be a way of finding what they like or are good at or it can just be for fun. .

Reading all the time. It has enormous benefits for educational outcomes and is free / cheap. We read to them and with them. Audio books in the car.

Also, talking books / articles through improves vocabulary and teaches them to hear and accept a variety of points of view.

Books in bed, stories in the bath and car.

Going out and tactical wees.

Every time before we leave the house we all do a going out wee.

If we’re out for the day we do tactical wees when we see decent toilets. Prevents middle of the motorway ‘I need a wee’ moments.

All other parenting guidance has come from Bluey.

Diffusing tantrums/disagreements etc with a sense of humour. It can be so easy to get sucked into a back and forth argument with a smart, yet small, child — especially one with a questioning mind, large vocabulary etc if you’re doing some of the other brilliant things PP have suggested.

I sometimes catch myself having a ridiculous argument with DD (5) & think what the hell am I doing. She has a great sense of fun & humour that I really encourage (imaginative play; making up songs with her etc) so often it’s easy to break that argument cycle with a joke, smile or a laugh. Obviously not minimising truly difficult feelings or upsets — I absolutely agree with PP about not doing that & validating what they’re genuinely upset about even if it’s ridiculous to us.

But quite often we can suddenly look at each other & laugh off our bickering. & I love that. I think with an only child relationships & arguments can get really intense and a little bit of silliness goes a long way. I always try and inject fun and laughter into our day at some point - dance party in the kitchen whilst making dinner for example.

Also I agree with @Twizbe . So much of my parenting I have learned from Bluey! Lots of fun and games there.

Also like the tidy up song time to get DD to do stuff she doesn’t want to do I say I’ll time her. Like: you out your clothes on the washing basket as fast as you can, go go go! Ooh 5 seconds well done. She’ll see through that soon but it’s working for now.

I think one on one with a child it’s important to access your own inner child and meet them on their level quite often. Turns out I enjoy accessing my inner child. It’s very freeing.

"I think one on one with a child it’s important to access your own inner child and meet them on their level quite often. Turns out I enjoy accessing my inner child. It’s very freeing"

You are so right @LittleBrownJug

Good manners.
Eating together as a family, and eating a wide range of different types of food.

Always eat the the same food as them. Olives, kale, eat all the things and make them eat it too. Don't offer alternative and don't be scared they'll get hungry.