Should we, Shouldn't we?

[MumLo1]

I have been a long time lurker of mumsnet and have finally decided to post as would love some insight from parents who have moved abroad and then back home after 2 years.

My son is 3 years old, we are looking to move abroad for 2 years returning when he is 5 almost 6. He will miss the first year of UK school reception year, however will be enrolled abroad. This is an amazing opportunity and my head is telling me to do it but my heart is full of the mum guilts and questions?

For any of you who have moved and returned within similar time frames and ages, please could you kindly advise on how/if your child made friends and upon time of leaving, were they heartbroken to leave said friends? How did they settle into a new nursery/ school (only reception year abroad)? When you returned to UK and started year 1 did they make friends easily? Were they adaptable or was there resistance to move/start new school?

I guess my concern is, as my child is an only; I don’t want to permanently scar him and create upheaval in his tiny little life, leaving him to be the outsider when he comes back to UK and starts school etc.

I know he is so young, so perhaps I am over thinking this but also want to make sure he does not ever feel displaced.

Any advice or experiences welcome! Thanks so much MN’s!

Bump

Definitely go! Experience of a different culture and everything that living abroad entails will enrich his life far more than sticking around being worried. There is huge amounts of movement in primary school as people move across the country, or just do different schools so friends come and go. He will have so many stories from his experiences he will probably be hugely popular because he can regale these ad nauseam. Good luck!

I don’t think being an only affects this. We have an only and we have moved no problems. They miss their friends for a month but at that age it’s not traumatic, and they quickly make new friends and enjoy new experiences!

Thank you so much for your replies! Just seeing the words 'Definitely go'! is the reassurance I needed. I guess being a first time mum and having a child in lockdown in which he was prevented from seeing cousins, family etc has left me with a sense of mum guilt from taking him away from his social life and day to day norms however this is a very pessimistic outlook. I appreciate your response!!! x

@wellingtonsandwaffles hearing your only child is and was fine with the moves also soothes my mum guilt worries. I grew up an only child in a sense as sisters are 12 years older than me and I was absolutely fine, we travelled alot albeit we did not live abroad and I made friends easily where ever I went! You are totally right; they are too young for it to be traumatic! Thank you for responding, I think weve 85% made up our minds to go :-) xx

@swishswashswoosh adding username as forgot on reply xx

Definitely go. I agree that having an only child isn’t a factor here. DS (now 11) had lived in three countries before turning eight, though we’re going to stay where we are now till his schooldays are over.

@GreenKimono Amazing! Your son is very lucky! Does he speak highly of all his experiences living abroad? Has your son now got a set of 'perm' friends? How did he find the relocations if you dont mind me asking? x

I was that child
ok not different country, but 8 hours drive, big city vs small town, different way of life
it was fine
honestly at that age kids are super adaptable
maybe if my mum had asked me I would have said I missed my friends, but it was the 80’s no one asked me, but I don’t remember missing my friends and wanting to go back
(I do remember some horrible kids at primary school and some other bad parts of my childhood, so not a case of rose tinted specs)
this sounds like an amazing opportunity, take it!

He doesn’t really have a concept of ‘abroad’, I think. DH and I aren’t from the UK, though had lived there fairly longterm. DS was born in London, and lived in the midlands till he was 7, then a year in Paris for my work, then to Ireland, where his inner-city school has lots of children either from overseas, or with parents from elsewhere (near university and hospitals) — his class has a Finn, a Rwandan, a Canadian, a Spaniard, a Nigerian, a Croat, three English kids, and some new Ukrainians.

Just before Covid hit was a tough time to relocate — we moved here mid-year and he had less than a term in school before the first lockdown. He remains nostalgic for his English village (not Paris), but has an excellent friendship group here, and is very settled.

Oh the classic case of the 'children are meant to be seen not heard', Sorry you also have bad memories of mean kids! Im realising that relocation abroad or not is more common than I realised. I mentioned in an earlier comment that my sisters were 12 years older than me, with this in mind they were sent to private boarding schools 1.5 hours away from our home and upon completing school they came back to zero friend groups so I believe this is what is concerning me the most! I dont want my son to be isolated. The big difference here though is my son will be 5 upon returning home not 16!

I think im projecting and far too in my head here haha! xx

This response is like music to my ears! Even before I had my son I was adamant that I wanted him to have a mixed culture bag of friends (if that makes sense), we want him to understand all different walks of life and people/cultures. Moving abroad would clearly provide that! Thanks for pointing out another benefit!

oooof! Covid lockdowns were ROUGH! Admist all the issues those 2 years caused, im very pleased your son has settled in well. Again, this is just another example of how adaptable small children are! x