How to Accept Only having 1 Child?

[Foreveryoung111]

I have a 2.5 year old and would love to have another child, but my partner isn’t on board. It’s complicated but I guess our relationship isn’t in the best place for another baby. That said, I am nearly 33 and feel time is running out. I also desperately wanted a small-ish (ideally 2year) age gap which obviously has passed now. We aren’t TTC and aren’t likely to any time soon. I feel immense sadness and anxiety every day. I wake up feeling sad, go to bed feeling sad. I feel triggered seeing pregnant women, people constantly ask when no.2 is coming and it’s all just getting me down. I feel like I can’t enjoy my son as I’m too pre-occupied missing what I don’t have. I don’t want to leave the relationship, I love my partner. But this sadness is making us grow further apart rather than helping to put the relationship in a better place. I feel I need to just move on with these feelings I have of wanting a second child. So I guess I’m just asking for advice on how to accept only having 1 child and not trying for another?

I have a large family and to be quite honest my sister in law who has an only child is much closer to her daughter and her partner than we are to all ours put together . Maybe because they had all the attention growing up it makes them closer ? Then don't forget they usually get a partner so you do end up with 2 in effect.

You have two options,
reframe things, be grateful that you have a child and don't suffer infertility.

Decide if your relationship is worth giving up the chance for another child, which may or may not happen unless you are willing to go it alone.

One way to help decide may be to imagine your life at 45, 55, and 65...what do you want it to look like?

Time isn't running out for you in terms of another pregnancy. You have time to potentially find another partner and have a second child. If that's your priority.

I had mine at 41 so you don't stress about not having time x

Hi, I was in this position at aged 33. My now ex husband and I did go on to TTC.
Unfortunately he barely touched me from the moment our daughter was born when I was 31. Our relationship was bad until aged 36 I kicked him out (7 months before the pandemic kicked off) by the time he left, we had, had sex barely once a year always when I was ovulating 'luckily' I fell pregnant everytime (yes v lucky). Only to miscarry shortly afterwards. After 4 miscarriages and eventually having my secondary infertility issues addressed, I realised I would rather risk having no more children than stay with someone who would rather watch me physically and mentally fall apart.
Essentially I have come to terms with my DD being an only child. My biggest regret is that I didn't kick him out sooner, as I genuinely feel that I needed a more supportive partner. As my secondary infertility issues were relatively 'simple' and could have been addressed at a clinic. There was a well known private fertility clinic local to us, which I begged to go to rather than wait to miscarry again. But he wouldn't go, or support me to go.
What I'm trying to say is address the 'ache' before time does get away from you. If you're relationship isn't good it will affect the child you have anyway xx

Have you tried couples counselling to try and unpick the issue with him?

Unfortunately, the person saying no should be the one who's view has to prevail, however bitter that is. You can't bring a child into the world where one parent doesn't want them.

People should not be asking you when you have another child. A firm but fair, 'that is our business' is the approach for conversations like that.

If he doesn't want to do couples counselling then I would suggest individual counselling to see if you can work through these things or end things with him.

There is nothing wrong with just having one child by the way.