Second baby pressure

[Mummicorns]

I am a 36yo mum of 1 gorgeous 2½yo boy who is my whole world. My partner and I always wanted 2 children but I struggled with pregnancy, childbirth was incredibly traumatic and severe post natal anxiety. I only recently feel that I am in a better headspace. I settled on the idea of no more children. I see our future of lo starting preschool, me finally returning to work, and maybe then we can have a little holiday, do some bits to the house...
BUT my partner wants us to have another baby now. My Mum agrees. My MIL has always openly expressed horror of us only having 1. Its not that I don't want another its that I just don't think I can do that all again. My son is my whole life and I feel that is enough. He can have all of my time and love and attention. We will be better off money wise with just 1. We only have a small house and there will be no pressure to upsize if we just have the 1. I don't want a big age gap. Its now or never and I just don't know what to do. Its breaks my heart the thought of sharing my love and attention with another baby, but likewise breaks my heart the thought of my son growing up lonely. Hes so shy and everyone says a sibling will be good for him. My head feels like it will explode right now with this pressure. Pressure with either decision! 🤯 I cant talk to anyone around me about this cos those around me are all telling me to have another.

I'm in the EXACT same position OP. It's shit isn't it! It's on my mind 24/7! I'm 35 with a 4 year old DS. Some people are made to have big families and I'm not one of them!

No advice but solidarity

It may sound a bit deep, but I thought after me and my husband and grandparents are gone my child will need some other family members. But it has to be a shared decision. I used to look at my son playing alone and think he needed a playmate at home. Now they are teens they don't interact much but I hope they will as adults.

I could never imagine loving another child as much either but you do, your heart just grows. Good luck deciding

Ignore other people.

I have one and it's wonderful. No teen angst and no competing for attention.

I have older siblings but I live abroad so don't really have much to do with them.

“It’s now or never”…. But it’s not. Time heals a lot of things, you said yourself how much better you’re feeling and your son is only 2.5. You might feel even better in a year and 37 isn’t too old to have a baby. But you might not, and you might feel exactly the same. Just tell your husband to give you more time to see how you feel? Set a timeframe for a reassessment if it helps him.

It's nothing to do with your mil or mum as they won't be the one going through it.

It's a conversation between you and your husband. And 'because I want one' or 'everyone expects it' isn't a suitable response. I'm also dubious about the whole they need siblings. Some siblings never speak/hate each other. Plus your child would lose half their inheritance if you have another. There are many many successful well rounded individuals that don't have siblings.

You need to explain why you don't want another child. Nobody can change your experience of pregnancy/labour or the aftermath so it ultimately comes down to wether you are happy to do it again.
You need to decide what's best for you, it's your body and hormones, you should not be pressured into having more children if you do not want to. You can also change your mind if you want to. But don't be pressured or guilted into it. And if parents can't discuss it in a open minded empathetic way I would not indulge the discussion with them.

It's nobody's business. I have a brother and sister, but I never see my sister . My brother, I see about once a year when we go to the theatre.I know loads of people in similar sibling relationships . So, really, there's no point in that argument as far as I'm concerned.

My niece is and only and her and her DH are very close to her mum and dad, much closer than my all 5 DSs and 1 DSS put together so I feel all that effort in their childhoods has amounted to nothing! Don't get me wrong, it's great they're all doing well and independent of us, and I enjoyed bringing them up . But I think only child families stay closer .

It's a strange thing having one child as a mother because you almost feel as if you have to apologise and explain yourself if that's what you've chosen to do. Almost as if there's a shake attached to it. You couldn't hack it, you didn't enjoy being a parent etc. I feel this way because I chose to have one child for the same kind of reasons as the ones you listed. I adore my DD she is my everything and I'm fulfilled and happy with just her I'm also very anxious and don't want any more worry.

Well I think I'm fulfilled and happy until everyone around me acts like being one and done is a problem or illness that must be fixed. For all those people who say things like "maybe you'll feel differently", "the second will be easier than the first" "he needs a playmate" - remember no one should be trying to convince you to do something you don't want to do. It's strange that people see two children as "correct" and so need to "fix you" by convincing you to have another child. If you did want to do it it wouldn't be this agonising decision that's taking over your headspace.

You're being guilt tipped into taking on a lifelong commitment that will impact you and your whole family forever. You are happy as you are, your son will be also. Friends can be playmates- this is your life, make sure you don't act out of misplaced guilt and do something huge that you can't undo.

It is your body, your choice. Tell your partner, Mum and MIL to back off, it is not on for people to put pressure on you like that.