Can't have more, is one child ok?

[lovesheart]

I've always dreamed of 2 children at least, so they always have a sibling.

I have been blessed with a little girl, unfortunately had many miscarriages before, with my girl she was a miracle, I became very sick and had a traumatic birth, she was in neonatal a while. We started trying for another and the miscarriages are just coming. I do not feel I can mentally cope with any more loss. There is also no guarantee that I will ever have another successful pregnancy with my experience so far. I am getting older so risk will get worse.

What are the benefits of one child? Is it so bad to not have siblings? Just feeling so down tonight and I fear I am risking my physical and mental health in the process:( my last miscarriage gave me a stroke like migraine where I became paralysed and couldn't communicate, I was completely blind for 12 hours. It's just getting worse each time 😭

I'm an only, there are pros and cons. The same as having siblings have pros and cons. I always had my parents full attention, I got to take friends or cousins on holidays or for more stay overs. Parents had more disposable income so I had more things. Even down to ice cream van, I got one everytime it turned up whereas my dh parents couldn't afford 4 everytime. There was more time to focus on me. I did not ever feel lonely as a kid. Now I'm older and one of my parents is sick, I would love someone to share that with. However, even with a sibling there is nothing to say they will be friends, get along or maybe live at the otherside of the world. Try and clear your guilt. As trust me if you had another you the have guilt for always being too busy. It's just a mums guilt, we have it nó matter what. Enjoy you precious daughter and stop putting yourself through the pain (if that's what you decide). Take care of you as well. Your daughter deserves a well Mummy. She needs a well mummy more than a sibling

Of course having only one child is fine. I'm an only child, as is DS. Neither was by choice but here we are. Your child needs a healthy, happy mummy more than a sibling.

There are plenty of positives. Money, time with child, time for self, opportunities etc.

If you can't have another, the pros and cons are irrelevant. Deal with the hand you've got, make sure your DC knows they are loved , try and establish a community of friends / cousins and have fun with your family. No point in regretting something you can't change.

Other people's experiences are meaningless. There are plenty of only children out there who longed for siblings, and plenty of onlys who are happy as they are. There are plenty of children with siblings out there who wish they didn't have any, and plenty of children with siblings out there whose siblings enrich their lives.

Your DC will get the hand they've been dealt, and it will be their life and they'll live it.

I have an only. I have endometriosis and we took ages to conceive her. Got the cysts removed and one tube was affected. Not really a huge explanation for the trouble conceiving other than that. Cysts we're there all the time I was pregnant. Anyway I never managed to have anymore and didn't want to go for ivf as it would have been stressful and costly. We decided to focus on the child we had instead and enjoy her. Had a couple of years when she was little when she used to go on about wanting a sibling but she's happy, she's got a lot of friends, hobbies and I think she's fine.

Plus when you don't have a choice what can you do reallt?

I have two but I would imagine that any cons for having one child are 1000 times less important than having a healthy mummy.

In addition, your child will get your undivided attention and no doubt you will give her opportunities to have sleeperovers and play dates. I know two girls who are both only children who are super close. Friendship is so important in life and I’d imagine only children invest in those more. I see far more of my close friends than I do my siblings.

Its okay to grieve (I grieved the third child I knew I shouldn’t have for health reasons). But there is so much good in the family dynamic that you already have.

I’m in a similar position. I don’t think a second child will happen for us and I feel guilty for my first child. I’m coming to terms with it and I’m so grateful for the one we have and all the opportunities that being an only child will give her.

I hope you become okay with it too ❤️

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Can you afford IVF and test your embryos to r have investigations as to why you kept miscarrying? We didn’t have recurrent miscarriage, we just failed to get pregnant for 4 and half years but IVF luckily worked for us

We also only have one child, due to secondary infertility (four miscarriages) and then breast cancer. Our son is now 15.

So many pros - time, attention, affection and money all for one child. Also in my experience only children are very adaptable and able to entertain themselves very well, because they aren't always in the company of other kids.

I remember being worried about my son turning into the stereotype of an only child - quiet, shy, etc. He is the exact opposite - gregarious extrovert who has a huge friend group.

In an ideal world he wouldn't be an only child, but it is what it is and it has worked out well for us.

I'm an only child and have loved it. Wouldn't change it.

We have one. There are lots of benefits. He has our attention, we can focus days out on what suits him, he has own room, we can afford for him to do various activities and buy things needed. We can also get stuff like work and house done around him easier as just one schedule.
He has plenty of time with other children at morning nursery, and with local friends.
We are fairly fortunate with income, but with cost of living increasing in every aspect, it’s definitely easier with one.