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In a dilemma!

3 replies

Befuddleddd · 18/07/2023 19:46

At a bit of a crossroads and can’t see the wood for the trees! Hope this isn’t too long winded…

After many years of moving around with DH career, we finally settled in a lovely little town when our DS was starting school. Fast forward four years and we are still here, in this somewhat idyllic little place, with plenty going on and lots of clubs and activities for him. We have not managed to make any friends though - neighbours and acquaintances yes, friends no. Most people have had their friendship groups since school, the place is also fully of families with plenty relatives across the generations who have lived here for donkeys.

In our family it’s just us three and it doesn’t help that I am still regretting sticking at one DC - a decision I’ll never be at peace with but too late to do anything about now. Our wider family is also very small, and are all around 50 miles away. DH side is lovely, elderly DMIL, DSIL and her DD17. My side is equally as small and a tad dysfunctional, although I do have a lovely cousin.

We visit said family once a month or so and at Christmas etc and we’ve thought about moving back to be closer to DMIL especially. What puts us off is that the place is nowhere near as nice as where we currently live. It’s a city and has surrounding villages that are a little bit rough, with family members all spread out. There is a fantastic school there though, better than the one in the idyllic little town we currently live, by far.

Do we trade the lovely little town and place our DS calls home, to be nearer ‘family’ in a not so nice area, but with a fantastic school? Or do we stay put and build on the nice life we have here, albeit a tad lonely (lonely for me, not so much DC, although he will obviously grow and have no other family nearby ever, unless he has his own).

DH sees the positives in both and is on the fence, DS vaguely aware it is a consideration but is not old enough to understand the benefits - he wants to live anywhere there is a football pitch but would like to take his class mates!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CompletekyConfused · 18/07/2023 21:27

I wouldn't move to be nearer an elderly MIL if you want familial ties. Sounds brutal but if it were cousins his own age then I'd be more inclined. 50 miles away isn't far anyway for visits. It sounds as if he is happy and friends will come as he goes through the school system. Enjoy the life you have and do what you can to build on it. If it ain't broke!

Befuddleddd · 19/07/2023 11:48

Not brutal, you’re not wrong! He does have a second cousin who is the same age and with very similar interests, but he probably won’t get to build a relationship with him if we don’t move nearer because it just isn’t practical. Familial ties really is what I want for him, but it is a very hard decision when as you say, what we have here isn’t broken. I was hoping the school would sway it I think.

OP posts:
MotoRolling · 19/07/2023 22:30

I personally would just visit as often as is practical and try to arrange some get together as and days out regularly. I wouldn't move somewhere that isn't as nice as where you are now. You're not that far away as it is.

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