Only child and I have cancer

[whoisjoe]

trigger - this is possibly sensitive and morbid for some. I’m 34 and recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully, we caught it early and my prognosis looks ok. I can’t stop thinking about my DD7. I am re-married and we decided not to have more DC due to a variety of reasons (mental health, financial, no support, studying etc) but my diagnosis has thrown me into a mess of what ifs..What if I leave her alone one day? I am terrified she is going to be without me at a relatively young age. I know it’s probably my anxiety, and quite morbid thinking , but I am so, so scared. WWYD? She isn’t close to her Dad, and her stepdad is involved, but not a massive father figure - she and I are so close, I was a single parent for a long time. It has completely changed my perspective on having more DC, I was almost at peace with “one and done”.
Would you wish you’d had another DC (if able to) or would you feel even more worry about leaving 2 DCs behind? Oh the guilt 😢

Firstly great news that you are in remission and long may that continue. I can understand your concerns - if you have no other family ie parents or siblings then I would think your only option is to get your xhusband or your current one more involved with your daughter, for her sake. I know if this had happened to me my new husband would have just taken over from me with my children, their bio father was dead. It's hardly a big ask if they are enjoying a life together surely, although I know on here it's often the consensus that non bio father/mother figures aren't supposed to get involved with any aspect of the kids lives. Your situation shows how rubbish that sentiment is IMO.
If I were you initially, I'd have a good chat with xhusband if he's an amenable sensible chap and tell him of your concerns. He should be your first port of call.

Thank you for your reply. 💐Ex-husband is sensible…ish. He does have a partner , who DD prefers to approach if not feeling well etc. I did consider chatting with him, and I think I will do that - just to put my mind at rest a bit.

i think your concerns are pretty unsurprising.
A diagnosis like this will make you question your own mortality but also wi der about what could happen to our loved ones, incl of course, any dc you have.

Im nit sure having another child would have made it easier.
But I think having something in place is a really good start. That means a will (so your dd is protected), something in place to know who is looking after her if something happens to you and/or her dad. Having something in place would make you more at peace and would mean things would go more smoothly, if this was ever needed.

You need to talk about it to both your ex and your current DH about arrangements there.

Having said that, you said that the prognosis is good so it highly likely you will ever need that. But it’s still a very hard thing to go through. Maybe some support for you, through counselling, would be helpful too? Esp if those thoughts are all consuming.

Hi. I had breast cancer when I was early 30s and worry about my DS too. It's a kick up the arse to take sensible steps as even if you were 100% cured you never know what is around the corner. My sister is also a single mum, so we ensure our kids spend lots of time together and with each of us. And I ensure he sends lots of time with his godparents and their children.

I’m sorry to read you were diagnosed with this and glad that your prognosis is good.
I would just try and encourage the relationships that are already there for your child rather than consider more DC. Good friendships etc and making good memories. A sibling doesn’t always equate with support, not all siblings are close.

There is no guarantee that a sibling would be supportive. I echo others who say make the most of more distant relatives.