Advice

[virgo22]

Hi! So after having my first child 2 years ago I have since had multiple miscarriages. I feel like I'm coping better now after speaking to a Therapist. However I now think how would I have coped with two children? How would there be enough time? How would I be able to give my other child the same attention.

I'm now not sure if I actually want more children OR I'm telling myself that because I might be reflecting my feelings or being scared or worried it would happen again.

How do you know if you're one and done?

You don’t question whether you’re done if you’re one and done!

@gardendream wow this really touched me... feel like that is so true. Thank you!

Sorry for your losses @virgo22 . When I'm honest with myself, I genuinely don't want another child, and that makes the decision easier. I sometimes wish I did so that my daughter could have a (potential) lifelong friend and companion, but I myself don't want another child. I find it helps to try and push away societal expectations and norms (plus the guilt around having an only) and think about what I actually want, because I don't think it would be fair to a hypothetical child to choose to bring them into a world where they weren't really wanted by their mother. I suppose it's different with accidental pregnancies but I wouldn't feel comfortably intentionally having a child solely to be a friend to my existing child.

If you ask yourself what you want, what's the answer?

Also, I think everyone worries about coping with a second child. If you really want that child, though, you just make it work. I'm not saying it's easy (it seems very difficult juggling multiple kids to me!) but I think the happiness that your children bring makes it mostly bearable.