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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Can’t decide if we want a second

11 replies

Tea4tea · 24/03/2023 11:48

Had DS (2) late as I was never sure I wanted kids. Turns out to be the best decision we ever made and I love him so much and love motherhood even though it’s been a rough ride.

Having a second was never really on our radar because now I’m 41 and DH is 47 and we couldn’t imagine doing it all again (DS is a terrible sleeper, fairly high needs etc).

But now reconsidering this for various reasons… but am so torn.

I know there’s no right or wrong but I just can’t decide… our ages are the main factor as to why we’d written it off before, but would it really be so much harder with two?

Anyone else been in a similar situation and had a second at our ages? Did anyone regret it?

OP posts:

PretzelBite · 24/03/2023 14:49

What are your reasons for reconsidering?

FrankandWalters · 24/03/2023 15:30

It seems obvious it would be far better not to, but as a pp said, what is making you reconsider?

Original poster

Tea4tea · 24/03/2023 15:42

A lot of it is wanting DS to have a sibling relationship and fear of him being lonely without it. But also, I love being a parent, I loved mat leave, and tbh am feeling v broody (something I’ve never felt before!)

I’m just trying to weigh up if they’re good reasons or not!

OP posts:

mondaytosunday · 24/03/2023 15:53

Yes it is WAY harder! My husband, already a father of two, said having a second quadrupled the work.
They may not get on, but even if they did, they are quite likely to fight for your attention. And getting one child up and ready and out of the house is ok, having to get two plus yourself ready in the morning can be hard work! Get one ready, then get the second, only to find the first has taken off their socks and shoes, then you find those again and realise the second has just spilt their juice on themselves...
Then when older, one will inevitably have football on one side of town and the other a party in the opposite direction. Doable if you are a two parent family, but it means spending half the weekend apart. Double the expense too.
I had a boy and a girl in my 40s. My husband already had two boys and really wanted a girl and I wanted a second child. But I do wonder now if I'd had a girl first if we would have stopped then, and if all my assumptions about having at least two children weren't completely wrong.

MrNook · 24/03/2023 16:03

ages are the main factor as to why we’d written it off before

You're only 2 years older than last time you did it!

MrNook · 24/03/2023 16:06

Tea4tea · 24/03/2023 15:42

I’m just trying to weigh up if they’re good reasons or not!

This is why I chose to have a second, didn't want DD to be an only child and lonely (me and DP are only children and DP is v low contact with his parents so DD only has me, her dad and her grandma, no aunts, uncles or cousins etc)

She'll be 2 next month and DD2 is due in 3 months

I still worry if I've done the right thing or not every now and then but I'm glad I made the decision to have another, I think I would've regretted it if I didn't

nowaworriedmum · 24/03/2023 16:12

We have a 6 year old, I never wanted anymore. DH always wanted 2. I was adamant there would never be another.
Our DC started to head towards starting school and I became very sad I didn't have a baby and what if I got to 50 and regretted it? I was 39, it was now or never so I went for it.

We now have an almost one year old that's completed our family. I couldn't imagine our life without them.

Original poster

Tea4tea · 24/03/2023 16:12

Thanks @mondaytosunday for the reality check! We already find it hard getting ready on a morning with just DS!

@MrNook congratulations and good luck! We don’t have a big extended family either and it’s def a driving factor in considering a sibling for DS…

OP posts:

Willowtre1 · 24/03/2023 16:18

We didn't have the second, DC is 7. I have moments of aah should we have, but on the whole I feel so grateful for one happy child and a life that feels doable for us. We are a few years younger than you and your dh but even now I think we would feel exhausted doing it again, so glad we didn't! We do make efforts to spend time and holidays with other families, Christmas with cousins etc. I don't feel remotely broody though so it is probably easier to stick to the logical thinking

Scalessayeek · 24/03/2023 16:20

I found it harder OP and I was 32 when second child was born, hubby was 37. Was totally worth it though, seeing the two of them playing together (sort of) is fantastic :)

Zibidee · 03/04/2023 14:57

I'm having this same conundrum but Ds is only 10mth. But I'm already 41 and my partner is 49 and has poor health. But I always wanted lots of kids, 4 or more, it just never happened that way. But now we have two embryos in the freezer I'm really tempted to give it a go next year so that Ds has a sibling in case he loses his parents early. But then I'm creating another person who might lose their parents early. But I lost my mum at 20 and it would've been so much harder without my sister even though we weren't that close, we are now that we've been through that together. But I'm also worried I'll be doing a lot of it by myself due to partners I'll health (diabetes and possible ME) and we don't have a great support network nearby, my sister is 1.5hr away, my dad is now in a home, partners family all in a different city across the country, so just a few friends with babies from NCT group nearby. We could afford a doula and nanny for a few years next time around but then I'm just creating children that are looked after by someone else. I just can't bare the thought of disposing of those embryos.... And I love being a mum....

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