How did you know a one child family was right for you?

[TrulyMiss]

I have one DS who just turned two and is a lovely happy little chap. I had to get fertility treatment (drugs and follicle tracking) to have him.
Over the last year we have gone back and forth about whether to have another and really weren't sure as we feel we'd be happy either way. Ultimately we decided to go for a second as I was worried I might regret it later. After the summer, I went back on the drugs and had a chemical pregnancy. The following month I got pregnant but had a missed miscarriage at 7.5 weeks.
I really don't know what to do - we won't get pregnant naturally or accidentally so have make an active decision whether to try again or not. The drugs make me feel like crap and I'm very daunted by the idea of going back on them, plus I hate being pregnant. And what if I miscarried again?
Given that we feel we'd be happy either way, should we just stay as we are and spare ourselves the hassle and potential heartache?
I am a bit stuck on this and feel I need to decide in order to move on...

We tried for years and were blessed with our DS a little later in life. Mid 30s.
The thing is, i knew I was happy and content with one. I had him and I just knew that fierce need had gone.

But, talking about societal expectations, had we been a smooth conception when we first started trying, we probably would have gone in for another one (and kept trying and trying) because we felt we should. But due to the length of time it took, I feel like that pressure isn't there, because it's "acceptable" to say, ohhh it's a bit too late now.

So we could have ended up with trying for another one that we really didn't yearn for because we felt we should. I know we are perfect as we are. Our DS is 5 now, yes I still have a wobble thinking will he be lonely growing up, will it be harder on him when we die etc, but I've seen children lonely in their bedroom with siblings, I've seen siblings hate each other and never speak.

So in summary, you do you for the right reasons. Only you know what they are.

This, and similar points others have said. I don’t have to think about what we do, where we go or what I buy her as she is just one person. She will likely go to private school too. Something I could never do with more than one.

Sorry for what you've gone through OP.
So so so many reasons not to. Hated pregnancy. Birth was horrible. Recovery from birth was over a year. Hated having a newborn. Earning power was reduced already. Both DP and I need alone time. And on the positive side, love DD so much and don't want to have to share her with another child and constantly be pulled in different directions.

There was literally only one reason to have another and that was to have a sibling for DD. And that was nowhere near enough to outweigh the aforementioned! I'm very lucky in that I never for a second wanted another. I get a pang occasionally when I think of her as an adult having no siblings but siblings aren't any guarantee of anything. She's only asked occasionally if she's going to have a sibling (she's 5) but when she's mentioned it ive told her DH and I don't want a baby as she's everything we wanted. She only wants a sister anyway! I really feel for those like you who are conflicted.

I always pictured myself having two (perhaps because I have a sibling I can't imagine being without) however now my son is here I've fallen head over heels more than I could have ever imagined loving somebody. I want him to have everything and that includes 100% of me and the reality is I don't feel I have the strength to divide my time any more than it is, we can't afford the lifestyle we want for another child and in all honesty that picture of 2+ children quickly drifted away when he was born and I'm just not interested.

I think if times were different, my attitude may also be. However, I read a very good article about raising children when my son was young and its always stuck with me. 'It takes a village to raise a child, modern life has moved that village far away - neighbours are no more then a hello, friends all grow and have different focusing that may not align exactly with yours and families are rarely down the road.' This feels very much like my life. I'm by no means alone, but when it all goes wrong, my nearest and dearest aren't a few steps away.

We have one and are happy with that choice. I think I am a better mum to one than I would be to two. It also means we can give her all of our time, attention, money… she will have access to far more opportunities and she has a wonderful life. She’s a very outgoing child - she makes friends easily wherever we go. For us, it’s the right decision. I don’t feel a pang for another and when I see friends with newborns it does nothing for me!

Our child will finish secondary school in a few years, not one main reason just a million small ones

My only Dd is an adult now, so I guess I’ve been through all the stages.

Im from a family of four so I also know what it’s like on the other side.

There are so many advantages to an only. I agree with the whole post of @Bestcatmum. The dynamics between parents and child/ren is so, so much easier with one. Everything you do and everywhere you go can be tailored to your child’s interests, it’s trivial stuff eg but you won’t have to hang around with a bored toddler while the older sibling is doing their thing.

Every time your child has a play date you will have child free time. When you are hosting another child who is a friend, probably same age, same sex, same interests they will very rarely have arguments.

You will have to go into overdrive in fostering friendships and be willing to host and offer lifts and pick ups and drops offs more than your fair share. You need to be happy to invite friends or family on holidays and high days.

When we went to the Caribbean for a family holiday with a only 15 year old, I chose a hotel that I hoped also attracted other teenagers. It did and she had a fabulous time. I don’t think we could have afforded that otherwise.

We have helped her through uni and helped her and her husband buy a house.
Youngster need all the help they can get these days to get on the housing ladder. She looks around at her peers and I know how grateful she is.

Lastly, both she and her husband are only’s, they intend to have one child.

Im divorcing now. I am pretty sure it would have happened a lot sooner if I’d had the extra stress of more children to look after as the father was so little involved with the daily grind. In many marriages it is only after you have children that the lack of effort of the partner comes to light.

Im sorry I’ve waffled on so much, but for the sake of the planet I think more people should settle for one. Yeah, I know, if I care that much about future generations I shouldn’t have had even one.