To have another when 1 is so busy?!

[WelshMammy2]

I am so stuck on having another child!!

My little boy is 22m. Like all kids he has his "off" days but generally he is so happy and takes himself off to play. My biggest stress is bedtime when he is taking ageeessss to go to sleep or waking up frequently. I find I lose my patience (internally, not with him) now much more than when he was a baby. I don't know if this is because I expect him to sleep better, or me and husband have only had two nights off in two years because we don't have lots of family support. When I get stressed with his sleep, I think how much of a bad idea it is to have another baby! I am constantly tired. We both work full time. In the morning I get DS ready for nursery, husband walks dog and is online for 8am. We're up at 6 and I rarely have time for breakfast. Home by 6pm after nursery pick up, husband walks dog. I do DS tea, bath, bed. Start our tea. We're lucky if we're sat down together by 8 and the house is always a mess. I'm falling asleep before 10 😂 Where do you actually fit a new baby in?! Then less money, bigger car, we both like to socialise and that will become harder. I travel around 6 times per year with work, could my husband manage two alone whilst still working? Seems impossible..

However I always thought I'd have two and I'm not content with the decision not to. I just don't know if I actually could cope with it - which is obviously a major thing!! But I loved being pregnant so much. I loved giving birth. I hated newborn stage but loved it from about 6 months. I worry about my son being any old child, but I don't think I can practically deal with two children?! So surely that means no?! I didn't deal with sleep deprivation very well at all in the newborn stage and if I'm honest with myself I absolutely hated it until sleep started to improve and I felt "normal" again.

Anyone else ever felt like this? I have no idea what to do and I really don't want to wait until my son is ten and then go back to nappies and bottles 🙈 I'd rather get it all out of the way now!

Anyone else ever felt like this?

I think most mums have those concerns over having another DC don't they @WelshMammy2?

Ultimately I think it comes down to whether you and DH want another DC enough to overcome those things?

I feel like this in many ways
I don't want my DD being an only child, but I don't know if I could face doing the newborn-nes again.
And the cost, the time, and the additional 'stuff' needed all seems overwhelming.
DD is 18 months - partner and I say we will review when kiddo is 2 and see what we think then.

However, if we don't have anothe baby by teh time she's 4 or 5 we might leave it.

It's such a big decision, and impacts them as well as us

DD is 25 months and I have a 3 week old. Not going to lie it’s tough! I forgot how relentless the newborn stage was, all the feeding and nappy changes. But this time goes so quickly! I can’t believe my DD is already 2! DS will be that age before we know it and hopefully they’ll be playing with each other and have a great relationship!

in regards to the sleep with your boy could you try sleep training? My DD was awful at getting to sleep and staying asleep until we sleep trained. It changed our lives! There was no way I would have even considered getting pregnant again if we hadn’t sorted her sleep first

However I always thought I'd have two is a really bad reason to want another.

The only reason I got pregnant with our 2nd is because I had an ridiculous, irrational fear of my son growing up an only child because I was an "advanced maternal age" mom. I was pregnant with twins. Tried for one more after that and ended up with twins again. Turns out that because of my age I had released more than one egg upon ovulation. How old are you, OP? LOL

Who @momtoboys, that sounds busy!

I do know someone that only ever wanted 1, got pg by accident and it was triplets! 🤦‍♀️

Wow, @momtoboys, so you've 5 boys? I had twins too - glad that I didn't have to make the decision to have a second child.

Op, I'd say go for it, somehow you'll middle through until they're both sleeping well.

*muddle through

Everyone (well most, there's always an exception!) feels like this OP. You muddle through. Most find the first year pretty brutal but after that things slowly improve. We have very little family support and it took quite a few years to get our social lives and hobbies back out of the gutter, but the rest was getting noticeably better after that first 12 months.

IMO if you do go for a second, one of the best things you can do is invest time in getting DC1 as independent as possible. Teach them to dress themselves - this is tedious and it will feel easier to just do it yourself when you're already so busy, but is worth the effort longer term. Work on the getting to sleep, but remember he will be at least 9 months older if/when a baby appears and that in itself will have made a huge difference. I have a DC that takes an age to get to sleep. The key is to not getting drawn into being welded next to them during the process. What worked for us was making excuses to leave for a few minutes but always returning (ie needing the loo or going to hang the washing up), then gradually increasing the length you are away until you don't come back until they're asleep. I saw it recommended on here and it really does work! DC2 (the less troublesome one) actually started falling asleep more quickly once I wasn't lying next to her. Things like getting him brushing his own teeth too. You will still need to go over them yourself of course, but you can brush DC2's whilst DC1 is doing his 2 minutes himself: 'Bending the waiting time' I think they used to call it when I worked in retail many moons ago? 😬

You could wait another year and see how you feel? I'm pregnant with DC2, who will be born just after DC1 turns 4. DC1 sleeps well through the night now, is quite independent, and old enough to understand a lot of what's going to happen.

And I'll get lots of 1 on 1 time with baby as DC1 will be at school for a lot of my mat leave, so won't feel guilty about not giving them as much attention as DC1 had.