Toddler struggles to make friends

[Huddersfieldlass]

Hi I have a 2.5 year old son, who is our life. But he struggles to mke friends. We were at a play gym today and he did what he always does, chased after other children and he gets shunned and pushed away. He gets excited around other children and starts babbling at them and waving his hands. He tries very hard and is always friendly but I worry that he has a lot of rejection already in his life to cope with. Sometimes another child gets him ad they are inseparable in a happy way but it's few and far between. I don't know how to help him with this.

My son is our only child sadly my first son died in hospital shortly after birth. My son goes to nursery twice a week for full days. Its very unlikely we will have any more children xxx

Bless him 😥are these older children that are pushing him away?
have his nursery any feedback on his interactions with children there?

It's a real positive that he goes to nursery, where the staff can support his social interactions if needed. Soft play/gym places are pretty manic. Can you take him to Stay and Play or similar if he is at home with you the rest of the time?

I dont really think 2.5 year olds play together? He is a bit young to be forming actual friendships. It's mostly parallel play at this age.

Sorry to hear about your first son OP.

2.5 is very young and they don't really forge friendships at this age so I really wouldn't worry at all. The good thing is, he's showing interest in other children and not shying away. Around 3/4, he should start to make some little buddies.

Until around the age of three, children don't usually play with other children, they are more 'side by side' and playing independently. Don'y be anxious, everything sounds normal for his age.

He sounds a bit like my daughter tbh, she's just over 2 and is soooo keen to play with other children (dance with them, jump with them, have them go on the same activities at the park etc) and most other kids her age just don't get it. It's hard to know what to do when there are kids that don't want to play; obviously you want to protect them from rejection, but it's great to be sociable so I don't want to discourage that. She's an only child too, but then loads of 2 year olds are so I don't think it's relevant really. I think she's just quite socially advanced compared to her peers. Sometimes she strikes up friendships with older kids which she really enjoys.

I'm really sorry about your first born 💐

Thanks @Jellyfishguilt mostly it's older children who does tend to be drawn towards them so in the past I've put it down to that. But I was a bit surprised today when I saw it happening with kids his own age too. His nursery talk about his friends he's made I think there's 2 or 3 he's close to but that's only following me changing one of the days he was at nursery. The nursery member of staff said the new days seem to suit him better he was a bit detached before..I think its played on my mind a bit that maybe he's not been as settled at nursery as I thought he was all this time (he's been going about 18 months)

They don’t play together at 2.5. These sound like normal toddler interactions.

Yes @Stichintime myself and my partner shre caring for him at home in between work etc. Yes I will try to find a stay and play locally that we can go to together thanks. He has been to one before but it was a while ago now and he didn't really take to it was more older kids there. But that was a while back. I will try again with that. X

For his age this is absolutely normal.
I'm a childminder and see this all the time.
They make friends from age 3/4
Please don't worry xxx

@bellamountain thank you, yes it might be me worrying a but too much about him. He's a friendly little boy, he doesn't take any of it to heart any way and bounces on his way.

@Cheeeeislifenow thanks for that, it's reassuring

@Jellybean23 thank you for that, it's reassuring to hear

@DinosaurPyjamas aww she sounds very much like him. How you've described her interactions are very much like his. I don't want to discourage him either I love the fact that he's so confident and wants to play with other children and have fun so don't want to stop him from doing that. It's more myself feeling the rejection for him that's all. He is the same he makes friendships with older children sometimes that just click and they get him. He made one with a boy at the play gym the other week who was 4 years old and again inseparable inviting my son to his birthday party, his parents were asking us if my son wanted to play in the play area outside with him too. So that was lovely to see particularly in comparison to to other days like today.

Thanks alot @Sindonym I think iam overly worried about it.

Some children can start playing together at that age, but certainly not all. It's a skill he will develop as he grows and nursery will help him with it.

that helps alot @badassbaby thank you for the reassurance.

My DS's nursery used to tell me how well he played on those bubble cars (that you can climb in and push with legs Flintstone style).

Imagine my horror when I saw how he actually played with them, he would stand in the top of the hill and push it down the hill into the kids playing below. It was only because the steering was so crap, the grass was long and he wasn't strong enough (2 yrs old) that he didn't actually succeed.... but he did grow out of it.... and learned to play WITH other children instead of trying to use them as skittles.

This seems completely normal to me and you shouldn't worry at all, proper friendships between children tend to happen aged 4/5 plus. He's obviously a happy outgoing little boy to want to play with all the other kids , that shows you he's fine and happy 😊

At 2.5 children don't make friends. They play alongside others or they run around like puppies until they fall over.

They still believe the universe is aligned around them and everyone in it apart from mum and dad are cardboard cutouts. Grandparents are just about real to them. Teachers at nursery about the same.

He'll start making friends - as in knowing his playmates' names - at around 3.5-4.

How is your son's speech?

Ah OP I could have written this when my son was your age (and for a few years after) he was very sociable and chased after and tried to play with other children who would push him away or just stare at him with blank faces. I tormented himself that he would be lonely forever!

Eventually he turned 4 and started primary school, started going to Squirrels where he met a little best friend, he has school birthday parties and things. I still panicked about him making friends at school and the teacher told me they don't really make friends until age 6/7, they just all play together in juniors and to stop worrying basically.

Also I did have another baby who came along when he turned 4. I can't say she helped with all that worry. He basically treats her like a pet who sometimes steals his food

@ClaryFairchild oh no! Haha thats his fun. Like my little boy he just wants to have fun. I know that realisation feeling, I felt the same when she said the change of his days suit him better. They had been telling me how great he was doing before.. for 18 months..so was like eh! But think she's saying similar to what were seeing at play gyms etc. That there is more kids on these new days that just get him and more settled with. It is a lovely local nursery and he does love going so I'm very grateful for that, would be more worried if I got bad vibes off the staff but never have that. Thank you though xxx

@Rosiecass thank you so much xx

@mathanxiety yes I'm sure as you say it will start coming together for him as he gets a bit older.

He seems to be developing well with his speech he went through his 2 year assessment about 4 months ago and he was all okay for that. He's always trying to keep up with other kids in anything he does. He likes to mimick them but he spends a lot of time with us so probs helps him.

@Blocked haha yes I can imagine x oh that helps to hear someone else has been through it, how you describe is exactly what happens he just gets a blank expression and knock back. he just wants to play he says 'come on let's go' at the play gym but yeah nah they aren't up for it. But he does hit on some children sometimes on his vibe and then it all seems to click and those times are lovely to see. Just wish happened more often. Like I've said he doesn't seem to take it to heart he just goes on with what he was doing and tries again with someone else. Just all me this, I need to chill, its helped a lot sharing my worry about it here and off load and hearing from other mums like your lovely self thank you Xxx