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Am I overly sensitive?

4 replies

SAHMofone · 30/09/2022 13:27

So I am a stay at home mom to a 2 year old girl and I have been feeling overwhelmed lately and like I need a break. My 2 year old is such a lovely bubbly little girl unfortunately she has been getting her molars for two months now which is causing her to not want to leave my side, she only wants me to do things for her like feed her or lift her into high chair (won't allow her dad to do it) and this in turn causes tantrums. It's taking a toll and I feel like I'm failing her because I'm getting annoyed and fed up easily at this point. I'm usually calm and manage to wait out tantrum or help her calm but I'm lacking the energy of late and it's making the me feel really bad. My husband is a brilliant support and the best dad . We are currently building a house and between that and his job he is so busy so he hasn't been around as much as normal. I am also trying to help with the house build and sometimes Its just too much. We don't have support from grandparents for numerous reasons. And we don't have outside support yet I'm hoping once we settle into our new house I can find a local babysitter etc. my sister is a stay at home mom of three, we were talking on the phone a few days ago and out of no where I just broke down. I was so overwhelmed it had been a challenging day and I just needed a breather. As a stay at home mum herself I thought she would understand and she seemed empathetic at the time and it felt good to just get out what I was feeling. Today however she rang me and proceeded to tell me 'you need to be more busy , so you need to just have another child now' and I was just floored and I'm so hurt by it . Am I being overly sensitive? Does anyone else ever get the feeling of being judged that being a mom of 'just' one ? Ugh I just wish I hadn't broken down to her at all

OP posts:
Everylittlethingsgonnabealright · 30/09/2022 13:29

Ignore her! It sounds like you needed to acknowledge your feelings, and her not being able to handle it doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.

Age 2 is tough! Flowers

YankeeCat · 07/10/2022 04:11

Regardless of whether you are a stay at home or working mom you are still only human, being a mother is a full-time job. Be gentle on yourself. Peace and love.

Heck, I came across a cute book series called Mindfulness Moments for kids. I am hoping these books will benefit us both in the long run some of those tips. Take a deep breath in and then out.

prismrainbow · 11/10/2022 16:46

Hi @SAHMofone. I completely relate to this. I am also a stay at home mom of one and my daughter is 6 months old. I was just about to post something along the lines of "feeling discouraged/needing encouragement" when I saw your post.

This morning I had to reschedule an appointment because I couldn't get the straps on the car seat adjusted. It might not sound like a big deal, but I ended up crying about it. It took me 2 hours to get out the door for the appointment, it will take 2 more hours when I have to do it all over again in a couple days, and I just really thought by 6 months postpartum I would at least have enough of parenting mastered that I could do simple things like use a car seat. My husband is at work and so I was going to text my best friend about it to vent, but I already know that she won't be empathetic about it and if anything will be a bit annoyed. When my daughter had extremely severe colic a few moths ago and I would tell my best friend that things were really hard, she would say things along the lines of how I just needed to get out more. She told me that if my baby's needs were too much for me, then I just needed to spend less time trying to comfort her, because plenty of people have more than one kid and their kids do fine without getting their undivided attention. Those kids of reactions make me feel like I have no one to confide in - besides my husband - when all I'm looking for is a little empathy from another mom.

So no, I don't think you're being overly sensitive, and thanks for sharing what you're going through. I know what YankeeCat said is true about how being a mother is hard whether you're a working mom or a stay at home mom, but I don't think you were trying to imply that being a stay at home mom is any harder by mentioning that you stay home. It's just different, and working or staying home both come with their own drawbacks and benefits. The isolation that comes with being a stay at home mom can be especially poignant, as well as the struggle to find time to pursue your own goals or have a moment to yourself or among other adults. (I also relate because, like you, I don't have a babysitter or any relatives around who can help out, and my husband is great but he's often working or out doing the shopping, laundry, etc). So you would really hope that in the short bits of time you do end up socializing with another adult, that you would feel heard, and it can just be very discouraging when that's not the case. Even though it doesn't feel like it, I think there are tons of women out there silently dealing with this kind of thing (silently because if they're socially isolated then by definition they feel like they're alone!). But we're not alone.

I guess our friends and family members often just end up in different circumstances than us and as a result they have trouble relating. Both my closest friends are working moms with more than one kid and their kids are naturally good sleepers who never had colic, etc. It makes me feel like they're supermoms. When their kids were younger they did things like breastfeed while hiking, and I'm sitting here just trying to breastfeed while staying awake. It's tough when the people you thought would understand you the most - because you love them dearly and on the surface their lives are similar - actually have very little empathy. I think sometimes they feel they know what we're going through because they feel they're been through it and they're also looking at certain similarities you share. But they haven't lived your life and I'm sure if they were in your shoes they'd be having the same struggles. I think the feelings of stress or inadequacy are natural under those circumstances, as well as the sorrow over not feeling validated by your sister, but that in reality you're doing a fantastic job and one kid or not, you're being a supermom juggling so many responsibilities that ultimately fall on you alone.

WelshMammy2 · 28/10/2022 22:53

Wow. @SAHMofone and @prismrainbow - both your feelings are completely justified and understandable!!

@prismrainbow - I cried about the same thing! I also cried when I couldn't get the pram down, when my baby pooped after I just changed his nappy, when there was no milk for coffee 😂 on the days you are sleep deprived and overwhelmed, even "menial" things can seem like a huge deal. Because they ARE a huge deal in that moment.

@SAHMofone, my DS is 22m. I adore him and he's so happy most of the time, but truthfully I enjoy work because it is a break. I don't think I could ever stay home full time, so hats off to you!! That's a tough job 24/7 and you're smashing it. I'm sorry, but I think your sister is completely out of line. Again we all get touched out and have those days. We're supposed to build each other back up!

I haven't experienced this like you both. My two best friends and I had babies within 6 weeks of each other. For one of them it was her second. Whenever I say I have a bad day, I always say I don't know how she does it with two and I'm sorry for moaning to her.. and she always says back don't be silly, parenting is hard whether you have 1 or 10 and we all have right to have a moan, have a cry, get things off our chest so we can show up the best parent tomorrow.

Don't let anyone ever tell you your feelings are wrong or not justified.

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