How do I justify only having one child?

[ottilieorange]

The plan was always to have two, but a recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder in me, and issues with money and earning potential, we just feel like it's best to stick with one. Our son is 18 months.

But I feel guilty for not providing him with a sibling. How do I stop him being alone in this world when he's older/missing out on that sibling bond.
Are there any parents of just one who could give their perspective?
Or only children themselves?
It's not an option to have more. Is there anything I can do/put in place to ensure he doesn't miss out.

Thanks :-)

There's absolutely no need to justify it. It is no one's business how many kids you have.

Thankyou, that's a helpful way of putting it :-)

Thankyou, similar thoughts here

The plan was always to have two, but a recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder in me, and issues with money and earning potential, we just feel like it's best to stick with one. Our son is 18 months.

You just did justify it. Not that you have to. Sooooo many benefits to only having 1!

I’m an only and also have an only. I actually find it quite offensive that you think there’s something to justify about it. It’s not a somehow inferior state of being. I was perfectly happy growing up as an only and so is my DS.

Don't worry about it, like others have said, it's no guarantee they will get on or life will be better. I have two sisters, one is in her own bubble and barely communicates and the other is abusive and rude. Don't worry, also important to look after yourself with health and money issues that you mentioned.

Okay. Well, being offended is a choice, so maybe instead just choose to see that I obviously don't mean any, I'm just concerned about my son's future.

I have two, one is disabled and the other isn't. Sometimes it's like raising two only children. So just know that the grass isn't necessarily greener.

Justify it!? I’ve never even been asked when I am having another dc
my only one is almost 7

we have a great life dc gets my full attention lots of treats and trips away

do what’s best for you and your family wither that’s having another child or not

I’m an only. I have autism so don’t know if it would have helped me having a sibling. I needed quite a bit of support so probably not best for parents to have more children.
The trick will be contact with other family or friends.

For some of the difficult things we could all help each other (only/one of sibling/other friend or relative.)
Write down some where safe what you want to happen in an emergency, have a will and update it, discuss with relevant adults what your end of life wishes are, organ donation etc.

I’m an only child.
Don’t try and justify it to your child. My mum told me another pregnancy could potentially be dangerous for the child so didn’t want another (potentially disabled) child.
As a child, it meant f* all to me.

If they ask, just say you are happy things are like this and that you love them.
Ask what they are missing. As a child, being an only was weird (overseas where only children were rare). I wanted the focus not to always be on me. I was missing someone to play with (even though in some of the places we lived, there was plenty of other children so could find people to play with iyswim).

The most important imo is to be secure in your choice (which means you will never feel you have to ‘justify’ yourself btw)

But on what basis? Unless you do infact believe in some of the more obvious and, yes, offensive stereotypes about only children then you’d have no cause for concern.

Maybe it’s not as simple as that.

As an only child and having had two myself, I am very aware that you don’t raise an only the same way than siblings. It’s too easy to always be at their beck and call in a way you would never do with several children.
The focus will ALWAYS be in them. They do well, they make a mistake, have a tantrum. It’s always them and the focus of the parents is always on them. Not someone else but them. In some ways, people will say it’s great that they have undivided attention. It can also be heavy for the child.
They will start their strong relationship with adults rather than children, because they are more likely to be surrounded by adults (unless you have family with children similar age close by. That won’t be the case for everyone).

And then you have the issue of growing up and becoming an adult. Who is supporting the parents as they are getting older, wanting to move away is harder as an only child (no sibling still around the parents) etc….

Just what is coming to my mind just now. Being an only is a very different experience and I don’t think anyone should be shying away from that fact. In some ways it will be better. In some ways it will be harder. Good for the OP to be aware it’s different.

@ottilieorange please be aware that I am NOT saying being an only is bad.
The best is whatever is right for you and your partner. That’s what will give your dc the best environment to thrive. And for you, it’s having an only child.
It will be different. But different isnt always negative :)

I'm an only child. I'm absolutely fine, I've never known any different and have never wanted a sibling. I'm not even close to my cousins, one lives abroad and doesn't speak English and the other is 10 years younger and we don't have much in common.

I do have lots of very close friends, and a long-term partner. I also have an only child of my own. I do know some people who are close to their siblings and that would be lovely, but I know a lot more who aren't - there's no guarantee.

Not necessarily. The most common medication used to treat bipolar disorder has a strong warning not to become pregnant while on it due to the strong possibility of birth defects. In fact, many psychiatrists won't even prescribe to females of child bearing age, certainly not without ensuring that they are on a form a contraception. So for the OP, it may genuinely not be an option.

Q. How do I justify having only one child?

A. You don't.

For me, I had a sibling who made my childhood hell. I used to long to be an only DC.
As a result I have an only DC and he is having the peaceful happy childhood I could only dream of.
A sibling is not always a blessing.

Hi 👋
I am an only child myself. In my honest opinion I did find being a child quite lonely. My parents were separated, and both worked full time.

There are both pros and cons to being an only child.
I didn't have to fight for attention.
There was no competition.
My parents never struggled financially.
We had amazing holidays, birthdays, Christmas......

However I always found myself quite jealous of my friends and their family dynamics. No siblings to talk through things with or argue with or love or hate 😂. Equally I understand that I probably had an unrealistic view of what having siblings would be like.

Now as an adult with 3 children of my own there are still things I struggle with.

As morbid as it sounds I dread having to deal with the passing of my parents alone. When I say alone, there will be no one who will feel my pain in the same way. Sorting through their houses, organising plans and so on.....

It would be lovely to be able to organise Mother's Day/Father's Day plans for example with a sibling.

I have amazing friends that are as good as siblings to me, but I do feel it's not the same.

I understand that not all siblings get along, and I equally understand that my reality of having siblings may not have been anything like I imagined, but I did always feel like I missed out on something.

In no way am I bashing any one's choices, but I just wanted to give you my view xxx

I don't know any adult who depends on their sibling to stop them feeling lonely in the world. I have one sibling who lives at the other end of the country and we barely speak. We fought the whole time growing up. I have an only teenager, he absolutely loves being an only child, it makes his life so much easier!

Oh and I desperately wanted a sibling......until I got one. I was constantly asking my mum to have a bay it was not at all as I imagined! Even now when i imagine having a sibling it's not the one I got!

I don’t think you need to feel guilty about only having one child. There are advantages about having a sibling but disadvantages as well. With one child you can perhaps give him more as long as you don’t indulge him

But it is still an “option”. It would be a stupid choice - but people make stupid choices all the time.

I have a family member who went ahead and planned a pregnancy when she was warned beforehand that it would put her life in serious danger. Bloody stupid thing to do - especially as she already had more than two children - and all her children are now paying the price. (She survived but spent several months in hospital and her youngest child is disabled.) But she did it.

The Op is choosing to do what is best for her son.

My sibling has left the family and gone no contact. I am now essentially an only child, left caring for both parents in their old age, and I have to witness the heartache my sibling has caused to my parents. Yet I still have to share half of any inheritance with my sibling. I'd rather my parents stuck to one and I'm considering only having one child myself so they don't have to go through what I've been through with my sibling.

I have an older sister and brother and had to make friends on holiday as neither wanted to play with me as I was younger / uncool. I may have well as been an only as I only developed a sibling relationship in my late thirties. We are all v independent and v different 🤷🏻‍♀️

Almost a quarter of children are onlies - almost all my daughter’s friends are