Why can't I get anything done? How to have a life?!!

[SerendipitySmiles]

Didn't know what to use as the subject. I'm.new here, mum of one 3.5 yo DS. I just haven't got into any type of routine or new life. I feel completely off kilter all the time, like I'm ricochet-ing between disasters, always tired, can't sleep at bedtime. Just can't manage to understand how to have any kind of life. My DS wants attention all the time. The evenings are spent giving attention, maybe too much? So, I don't do anything. Husband is arsey and says it's not him it's me because I always see the bad in people. I don't. I do not know where to start in getting my shit together. Any advice?

Can you carve out some child free evenings. I think once you've got at least one regular child free time it gives you some space to feel normal so that you're in the right headspace to make better choices for your life. I go to a Pilates class one evening a week it's great. You could do...gym, book club, swimming, music lessons, walking club anything that interests you?

Can you commit to one evening a week where you give your daughter something to do and explain to her that she needs to do it on her own while you do XYZ. Of course she'll protest at first and interrupt you but you can build up on it.

3.5 - does he go to nursery, do you work, what’s the Evan situation? Id try one evening a week like PP says, and each parent gets a lie in and an afternoon on the weekend. Eg lie in sat morning and sun afternoon to get stuff done/chill.

Ignore that random ‘Evan’ 😄

I think you need a routine. Do you have a meal plan for example? My life is made much easier by knowing what we’re eating all week. I also tend to do the same activities on the same days each week. I’ve started getting DD involved in chores like doing the laundry and have realised that she will happily help (I just have to give directions and keep steering her in the right direction).

What time does your DS go to bed? A reasonable bedtime is key to getting some semblance of a life back I think, then you can have at least a couple of child-free hours before bed.

Hi everyone - thank you so much for your responses, they all make sense and it was such a relief to receive them. Thank you

Thanks, Chocobutterfly! I've found a yoga class on Tuesday evenings that I'm going to try and attend as a start.

Hey MassiveSalad, Evan was funny! We've got it pretty good and I feel silly for complaining. I work 3 days, husband full time and works away. DS in nursery when I work but otherwise with me. We don't do anything like you suggest so I'll try to introduce some structure like that at weekends

Thank you, Odile13! We have no routine. I think this is the crux of it TBH. I've attempted a meal plan but husband really hates the idea for some reason, I'll try again :) Do you plan every meal or just dinners? And is every meal different? Does it cause a lot of cooking? Reflecting now I think I aimed too high for me and had to cool fresh three meals a day and bought too much food...

Thank you, resuwen! Bedtime aat about 830 then I go to bed at 930. Maybe an extra hour at night wouldn't hurt. My DS is very wakeful still so have been a bit nervous to try!

I plan lunches and dinners. I don’t do anything complicated though - a lot of meals we repeat each week or I alternate. For example - Mondays are usually quesadillas because we all like them, but on Fridays I rotate through three pasta dishes. So there is some variety. Again with lunches, most weeks we have similar things on certain days, but variety throughout the week, if that makes sense. Keep things simple. Sometimes I meal plan frozen pizza & raw veggies for dinner if I know it’s a busy day and I need a quick option.

It’s annoying that your husband says he doesn’t like a meal plan. To be honest, I’d be tempted to tell him that if he doesn’t want a meal plan, he can take care of all the cooking himself. He might change his tune!

Good luck and I hope things improve for you soon.

Thank you! That's really helpful. :)

Maybe I'll just cook for me and DS ;)

Thank you for the well wishes. All the very best for you too and thanks again for taking time.to reply

I’ve started dragging DD around doing my chores (not too much, have a cleaner). But if it was up to her I would be playing all the time. What I do is half an hour of play then “ok we have to go strip the beds”. Then back to play. Sometimes she’ll wande roff to do some colouring or something. We are terrible at meal planning, I used to meal plan fine but DD turned out to be ballache about food so gave up slightly. Must start again.

Saturday, DH takes her out for a few hours in the morning and then we do something together in the afternoon, Sunday is something like park or softplay or her gymnastics if it’s running in the morning and lunch out and then supermarket shop in the afternoon etc. There is still stuff to do after DD has gone to bed but between us we try to make sure it’s all done within half an hour so we can have some time to ourselves.

I feel the same tbh but I think it’s the age more than anything else, you have to bath and bedtime you can’t just shout for them to get in themselves. Small kids just need a lot of help with everything. I would sign him up to a regular class on the weekend that he enjoys to provide a bit of structure to the day and you and your DH can alternate taking him.