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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

Does anyone have one child due to these reasons?

23 replies

CathyTheQueen · 28/07/2022 16:06

That's its hard work ? Lol. My kid is quite easy but my god I find it so mentally and physically draining.

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CathyTheQueen · 29/07/2022 07:19

Just me then.

OP posts:
Anon49282 · 29/07/2022 07:21

It's not just you, have a look at r/oneanddone on Reddit, for like minded people.

RedRobyn2021 · 29/07/2022 07:21

There's a page on Facebook called One and Done on Facebook, lots of people on there with their reasons for just having the one baby! I'm certain you aren't alone.

kikisparks · 29/07/2022 07:23

My 9 month old DD is the best thing ever but yes it being really hard work raising a child is part of the reason DH and I are one and done (amongst others).

CathyTheQueen · 29/07/2022 07:58

I've got 3 days to fill and its raining. I dread it.

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Greenginghamdress · 31/07/2022 15:41

Yes, that me. I find it tough.
DD has always been on the go constantly. Still is. How people do it more than once I've no idea. One is enough for me.

citychick · 01/08/2022 17:07

Pretty much, yes. DS is 16 now, but he's still quite hard work. He had a few complications when younger, now has ADHD so life isn't straightforward. we are a family of 3 but DH isn't particularly active in parenting so I'm not sorry I only had the one DC. I also have a busy job. I can't imagine how I'd cope with my life with more DC. I probably wouldn't cope TBH. I'm happy with what I have. (Would be better if DH did a bit more but ...)

chrlng · 02/08/2022 21:01

Me! I'm one and done. Nobody believes me because my baby is just 7 months. They think I'm gonna change my mind 🤦🏻‍♀️
I can't have another one. I'm mentally and physically drained.

user3199 · 03/08/2022 23:13

I'm the same. I've a 2 year old who I had when I was almost 41. People ask if I'll have another and I often say 'probably not, I'm too old'. But in reality if I'm honest I think I'm happy with one irrespective of my age. With one child I feel like I have the potential for a good balance in my life (not quite there yet). I think with more I would be stressed and wouldn't cope well.

FunsizedandFabulous · 03/08/2022 23:18

My general health predicament prevented me having more, but my DD was enough anyway, having been born premature and having some developmental delay. Once she was at nursery and catching up nicely, I gound I didn't want another.

Ridiculousradish · 03/08/2022 23:34

Yep. I've got a nearly 13 year old boy. His birth was really traumatic and it took me a very long time to get over it (possibly still not to be honest). That and I became a single parent when he was 2.5.
I've been in a relationship with a lovely man for over 3 years and we spoke a lot about the possibility of having a baby in the early days. I'm really pleased we decided not to. I couldn't cope with the age gap, plus I was exhausted doing it at 25, I can't imagine doing it at 38.
I'm really enjoying DS right now.

Ragwort · 03/08/2022 23:37

Even before I had my DC I absolutely knew I would never have a second, everyone assumed it was because we are 'older' parents, I was 42 when I became pregnant, but I just knew I would find it emotionally and mentally overwhelming (not so much the physical side - I had a very easy baby who slept loads Grin). Trying to be a good parent is relentless and draining ... maybe I am just someone who needs a lot of peace and 'space' in my life but having an only DC & most important, a DH who is a fully involved parent, does mean I get the balance right (for me).... my DS is 21 now and I never regret not having a second DC.

user3199 · 03/08/2022 23:56

maybe I am just someone who needs a lot of peace and 'space' in my life

I can totally relate to your post @Ragwort . I enjoy spending time with my son but I equally enjoy my time doing other things. Like you, I'm lucky to have a fully involved partner who does just as much as me.

You're a couple of decades further on from me in the parenting journey so it's great to hear your positive story.

Ragwort · 04/08/2022 00:03

Thank you user for your kind comments ... it's so important to have time for yourself and your own interests .. in fact this week I am having a lovely few peaceful days home alone as DH and DS are off on a golfing trip Grin ... everyone is happy!

BookShark · 04/08/2022 00:26

We had DS and fairly quickly thought we were done. He wasn't even a difficult baby, but it was still hard and we couldn't imagine doing it again with a toddler as well. Then he got to about one, life was getting easier, and we thought maybe we'd been daft, so tried for a second.

The second was ectopic and it confirmed our underlying feelings. I was on a ward with women desperately worried about losing their chance of a baby. I just wanted the surgery done so I could get home to DS.

He's now 13 and I have no regrets. Occasionally I think it would be good for him to have a sibling to play with, but we just encourage him to meet up with friends which probably works better as they have the same interests. And because he's grown up with two very dull parents, his interests match ours - we can take him on holiday to various sightseeing places and he genuinely enjoys it, then joins us for dinner and is able to join in an adult conversation (almost too much so - I got a long explanation of why the Taiwan visit was a bad idea in his opinion!).

I can't imagine throwing another child into the mix. I look at DB who has three daughters, and the age range just means they'll never get to experience what DS has done, because there's always a child that's the wrong age, plus the cost of so many more. DS has been on safari, to the US, to London theatres and restaurants - we'd never have done that with younger children in tow.

And yes, he'll be on his own as he's older etc. But DH's sister has moved to the US so frankly she's no help anyway. DH relies much more on me than he does his sister - hopefully DS will have great relationships when he's older and build his own support network.

Sorry, that was a bit of an essay. TLDR - You're not being selfish, it's not bad for the child either!

hiphiphipo · 04/08/2022 00:27

In our case, we definitely stopped at one because of how hard it is. I have no idea how people have two or three. The only way that I would is if someone could guarantee that having a second will be easier. Literally, thats the only thing that would make me do it. I love Dc, I really do and it's nice to be able to do things with them but the thought of having two kids chatting at me the whole time or both running off in different directions or solving conflicts. Genuinely how and why do people do it. But clearly we're in a minority as everyone around me has two or three kids

lastminutedotcom22 · 04/08/2022 18:31

My first child was 3 when my 2nd came along and she became very jealous then a nightmare In General now a nearly 7 diva
If I'd have known much as I love my second child I wouldn't have had another

They scrap like cat and dog and I'm more a referee than a mum and everyone I know with 1 has a much easier ride really

Alarae · 04/08/2022 18:43

My DD had a severe illness at birth and an MRI scan showed that parts of her brain were affected. I can still remember the confusion I felt when I was taken up to NICU early in the morning to be told her diagnosis when initially I thought she would only be here for 24 hours as she was 'in shock' due to the birth. I also remember the constant questioning I had about whether I had done anything wrong, as I can remember the doctor asking me if I felt unwell prior to birth. Did I? Did I sweep it under the rug? Did I miss something that could have stopped it?

While I can't predict it, I know my brain will dwell on these thoughts if I were pregnant again. I can't feel like that for nine months.

Also doesn't help that we took DD home three days before lockdown and my mental health was battered by it. No friends (except one) or family nearby, new mum, no close baby groups to make new mum friends, my DH trying but unable to really help me emotionally...

No. I have a bundle of reasons in the no column and very, very few in the yes column for another baby. Having two sisters myself I do think it's a shame sometimes by DD won't have a sibling, but since you can't guarantee siblings would even like each other that's a bit moot.

Namechange192727171 · 04/08/2022 18:47

Nothing wrong with one op!

I felt similar, i was young and really struggled.

However 12 years later dd2 was born.

So yeah it took me over a decade to do it again 😂

Alarae · 04/08/2022 19:20

Just realised I never really answered your question either!

Irrespective of her arrival into the world, I find parenting difficult. I'm not a natural maternal being, I couldn't think of anything worse than being a SAHM (I am in awe of people who can!) as I really value the mental stimulation my work provides.

I can't think of much worse than doubling the parenting work and my DD is a dream! I would hate it if we had a second and they couldn't settle at night, had colic, cow milk allergies etc...

anthurium · 06/08/2022 11:10

Solo mother by choice and conceived using a sperm donor.

Extremely lucky that IVF worked the first time but it's a double edged sword as the treatment created multiple high quality embryos which nobody had expected least of all me. It's 100% just me and my son. He is wonderful but I have no downtime unless he is in nursery. Need to decide next year what to do with my spare embryos, lots to consider whether to attempt again or stay as we are.

34withquestions · 28/08/2022 17:02

Hi just seen this post. I have a DD at 3 months old I know I’m Defin not planing any more. I had a horrible birth experience and had to get rushed into surgery and nearly lost her.I’m just grateful to have her and I don’t want anymore people seem to think it’s too early to know ( it toke me years to get pregnant . I’m 37 and other mums keep saying ‘ give it a year and you will change your mind’. Really pisses me off as I know I won’t want anymore. I love my DD and feel blessed she’s with us. I love her more each day that passes but she’ can be hard work lol . There’s nothing wrong with having just one , really wish people would understand that :)

malificent7 · 22/09/2022 08:41

100 with you op...i just cannot relate to people who want about 4 kids...they deserve a medal!

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